zack121 Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 What does the statement "Use my head and not my heart" mean? I'd like to hear from people that have applied this logic, examples would be great. I understand the concept, but its the circumstances I am confused about? Sorry I did ask this question in another thread, BUT can't find it....
Treasa Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 It means making the best decision regardless of what you "want", because people are inerently selfish. It means, for example, a woman ending a relationship with a married man because it's the right thing to do, even though the poor thing will be "hurt". It means leaving an abusive relationship even though it will be "hard".
westernxer Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 For instance, let's say I break up with a girl because she's not being faithful. A week later, she calls and tells me she wants a second chance, saying she loves me and all that mushy stuff. She also says she's sorry and will never do it again. I still have feelings for her and would like to take her back, because I miss her and such. This is me using my heart. However, I remember how bad it felt to discover that she cheated on me, and I am hesitant because she might do it again. I also realize I need to take some time to think about it, because my judgement is being clouded by feelings of hurt and longing. This is me using my head. Any questions?
Author zack121 Posted June 21, 2005 Author Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by Treasa It means making the best decision regardless of what you "want", because people are inerently selfish. It means, for example, a woman ending a relationship with a married man because it's the right thing to do, even though the poor thing will be "hurt". It means leaving an abusive relationship even though it will be "hard". Sorry its really late where I am, so I get confused (and appear stupid - oops to late) But are you saying that its hard for the person saying it, or hard for the person hearing it?
Treasa Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 It doesn't matter. Using your head means making the best decision.
Author zack121 Posted June 21, 2005 Author Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer For instance, let's say I break up with a girl because she's not being faithful. A week later, she calls and tells me she wants a second chance, saying she loves me and all that mushy stuff. She also says she's sorry and will never do it again. I still have feelings for her and would like to take her back, because I miss her and such. This is me using my heart. However, I remember how bad it felt to discover that she cheated on me, and I am hesitant because she might do it again. I also realize I need to take some time to think about it, because my judgement is being clouded by feelings of hurt and longing. This is me using my head. Any questions? the man himself... cool. Dude, I heard it said to me, and to be honest I think she was being told that from somebody, but understand where your coming from. The thing is, now this is what annoys me, less than a week later she's with an ex? (prob with him behind my back anyway) So to hear what you say, I am left wondering if she had feelings of "hurt and longing" Do you think this was a ploy to just say some sh&t, then in a way act like a "hooker"and then sell her heart to the highest bidder. sorry again its late I should not speak when I feel tired. Perhaps its more along the lines of what was said by Tersa that she had to be selfish for herself, even though she new it would hurt me??? man dazed and confused still... I'd understand if she went from being with me, to nobody, but to an ex.. what gives Computers are easy PEOPLE are hard.
westernxer Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by zack121 Computers are easy PEOPLE are hard. Tell me about it. You should start a new thread about your situation with this girl. Get some rest first. We'll be awake when you arise in the morning.
Author zack121 Posted June 21, 2005 Author Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by Treasa It doesn't matter. Using your head means making the best decision. For you (the dumper) or for the situation? anyway I'll check after getting some zzzz's I really appreciate the replies guys, as I am learning alot of things, better way to phrase it, is seeing it from other people points of view.... Chat you in 6 hours
Treasa Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 The best decision, not necessarily the one that makes you the happiest. I already gave examples. I can't really be more specific than that.
Fallen_Angel Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 My ex dumped me. He said he felt our relationship lost its "spark" and he "ran out of steam." I interpret this as he has become run down because he's going for his PhD and no longer wants to deal with a relationship, but whatever. My heart says I still love him and would do anything for him. My heart wants to hang on to hope. My heart believes deep down he loves me too. My head says I heard him say he doesn't think we have a chance to try again. My head says I deserve someone who loves me 100%. My head says...that my heart may want something different, but I cannot act on it. I have no choice.
Author zack121 Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 Yeah I know where you coming from on that one... But its easy if your the one that has been told that... aka my heart says this, but my head says this... Really interested in the person that is saying it, as I wonder what the motivations are... cheers for the input
westernxer Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Don't wonder. Action, not words. What they say is meaningless if not backed by action.
miss-gonewest Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by zack121 But its easy if your the one that has been told that... aka my heart says this, but my head says this... Really interested in the person that is saying it, as I wonder what the motivations are... Simple... she (I assume your ex told you this) is saying to think clearly, logically and sensibly. To view things in a mature, scientific manner; to think with your head, rather than feel with your heart. In other words, she may be saying "you are emotional right now - in a few days when you feel better, you will see that I have moved on, I have someone new in my life and that I think its best you find someone new. We are not reconciling, I am sorry to hurt you, but our relationship is over." She is telling you to use your head - and not feel with your heart. If you are thinking with your head - you will see all of this. That things are over and that you should move on to someone better; that she no longer wants to be with you. Right now you are feeling with your heart - pain, loss, lonliness, rejection and confusion. Your heart tells you that if you got her back and reconciled, that these bad feelings will go away. You need to let your head win over your heart. You need to see that things are over and that you deserve better... that there is someone out there for you. However only YOU can make positive changes in your life - only you can use your mind (head) to put this behind you and move forward. Hope that made sense?
AndrewJ Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 "First with the head then with the heart" The power of One Bryce Courtney . But will the head crush the heart in some way with irrepairable damage?
Author zack121 Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by miss-gonewest Simple... she (I assume your ex told you this) is saying to think clearly, logically and sensibly. To view things in a mature, scientific manner; to think with your head, rather than feel with your heart. In other words, she may be saying "you are emotional right now - in a few days when you feel better, you will see that I have moved on, I have someone new in my life and that I think its best you find someone new. We are not reconciling, I am sorry to hurt you, but our relationship is over." She is telling you to use your head - and not feel with your heart. If you are thinking with your head - you will see all of this. That things are over and that you should move on to someone better; that she no longer wants to be with you. Right now you are feeling with your heart - pain, loss, lonliness, rejection and confusion. Your heart tells you that if you got her back and reconciled, that these bad feelings will go away. You need to let your head win over your heart. You need to see that things are over and that you deserve better... that there is someone out there for you. However only YOU can make positive changes in your life - only you can use your mind (head) to put this behind you and move forward. Hope that made sense? Cheers MGW, yeah your right on alot of things. But there is always one but , she was teary when she said it to me, I was not emotional, I was later, to be frank, it came across as if someone had suggessted this to her (its still her call) but I reckon ex ex said for her to use her head and not her heart. But your point was excellently written does not change much, and from what I gather on peoples views she used her head and not her heart. pity she had to cheat/lie to me to do it though.. Yeah I feel all those things, but you left out the one thing that is most important TO ME, understanding! with this I think I would be so much better off, but now I guess I'll have to find it myself... perhaps I am looking to hard for answers, really I am trying to see it from other peoples perspectives...
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