heartbroken4life Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Yesterday My boyfriend of three and a half years broke up with me. We got into over something so small and it turned into this big arguement leading to break up. He says its because I never did anything that I said I was going to which is a lie and that he can't take care of someone for the rest of his life. He said he can't believe anything I say anymore. That I embarass him and make him sick because I never helped clean the house. (we were living with 2 of our friends). but thats a lie too. I didn't help as much as I should of but I helped. I was staying with my mom when he decided to call it quits. I was so upset. I went over there to pack my things....he helped. It was hard enough leaving him but seeing my friends little boy made it so much harder. he kept hugging me and blowing me kisses. I told my friend and her 18 month old little boy bye and walked out. my now ex was sitting there but I couldn't even look at him. It hurt too bad. Well I walked back in to give him the ring back and he was in the room crying. WHY was he crying. I didn't understand. He later told me we've been together for a long time and it really upset him to have to break up with me but he has to be strong and stick with his decision. I miss him so much. I couldn't sleep at all last night. I went to bed crying and woke up crying. My heart hurts so bad. Everytime I think of him I cry and I can't breath. I want him back and I don't know how to get him back. I need some advice on what to do and how to cope. Because I don't think I can live without him....it hurts too much. He said if I do the things I said I was going to do and get them done, then he might consider getting back with me but he can't predict the future. So what do I do?? I don't know. I need help!!!
zack121 Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Sounds like he's leaving the ball in your court? to do some things. I did not sleep for 3 days when my ex dumped me... and still coming to terms with it. It sounds like a fairly recent breakup to me. so perhaps all is not lost. It also sounds like it was done above board, no cheating etc etc so thats a plus. IMHO. Maybe with a bit of time things will work.. Ask what things did he want you to do? Can you do these things? willing to do these things? are they reasonable requests?
ConfusedInOC Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by heartbroken4life Yesterday My boyfriend of three and a half years broke up with me. We got into over something so small and it turned into this big arguement leading to break up. He says its because I never did anything that I said I was going to which is a lie and that he can't take care of someone for the rest of his life. He said he can't believe anything I say anymore. That I embarass him and make him sick because I never helped clean the house. (we were living with 2 of our friends). but thats a lie too. I didn't help as much as I should of but I helped. I was staying with my mom when he decided to call it quits. I was so upset. I went over there to pack my things....he helped. It was hard enough leaving him but seeing my friends little boy made it so much harder. he kept hugging me and blowing me kisses. I told my friend and her 18 month old little boy bye and walked out. my now ex was sitting there but I couldn't even look at him. It hurt too bad. Well I walked back in to give him the ring back and he was in the room crying. WHY was he crying. I didn't understand. He later told me we've been together for a long time and it really upset him to have to break up with me but he has to be strong and stick with his decision. I miss him so much. I couldn't sleep at all last night. I went to bed crying and woke up crying. My heart hurts so bad. Everytime I think of him I cry and I can't breath. I want him back and I don't know how to get him back. I need some advice on what to do and how to cope. Because I don't think I can live without him....it hurts too much. He said if I do the things I said I was going to do and get them done, then he might consider getting back with me but he can't predict the future. So what do I do?? I don't know. I need help!!! First off, you CAN live without him. You need to realize that you don't need anyone else to complete you. You want him, but you don't "need" him to survive. Secondly, take a moment to reflect, and be honest with yourself (or it does no good) what you might have done to contribute to the demise of the relationship. In what areas can you improve? You can do NOTHING to change him. The only aspect of your life you have complete control over is you. So think about the things you did and focus on any areas of improvement. Third, don't contact him right away. Wait at least a couple of weeks to see if he calls you. If he does, don't be readily available. Don't answer his calls. Let them go to voicemail. He's obviously hurt but wants you to learn some kind of lesson. I do not know what his issues might be but right now the focus is on you. So take out a pen and piece of paper and write down (HONESTLY) what things you might have done to cause the relationship to end. I am not putting the blame on you but we all know it takes two to tango. So let the focus be on you and what you can do to improve yourself. Fourth, I am big on self-help books. Once you have figured out where your issues might lie (be in low self-esteem, etc.) read a few books. They'll serve to help you make improvements. Understand that once a relationship ends like this, it's very rare that you pick up right where you left off, especially when either the circumstances or people have not changed, and be successful. You almost need to start from scratch again for your Ex to believe you have made any positive changes. So first take some time to heal and to learn from this experience. Then do the best you can to improve wherever you can. If he loves you, and I am sure he does (or he wouldn't be crying) then he needs time to both miss you and believe that you have changed in a positive manner. Some may disagree with me, but my advice is to focus on the one thing you have control over: You. Good luck.
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