DatingDirection Posted May 11, 2016 Posted May 11, 2016 I'm not sure if I made the right decision? Lately, i've been struggling with bouts of depression and anxiety. Mother's day was a little difficult for me to deal with. It was that moment that someone whom I use to be friends with contacted me. I hadn't herd from them in a long time. The reason why we stopped being friends was because we became intimate with each other. Shortly after that, the person met someone else. So it caused some hard feelings for me, and I wasn't able to maintain contact. He recently contacted me after his breakup. Although the person did contact me, on occasion, while they were in a relationship with someone else. Nothing happend, just a friendly chat. Months have gone by since the person contacted me, and then all of a sudden I heard from them again. It was at this moment when i shared what i am going through with my life. I'm not too sure if I should opened up to that person about what i was going through or not? It's my understanding this person struggles with the same issues I struggle with too, and that's why I felt like i was able to say the truth of how i am where I am at in my life. Or maybe I did the wrong thing here, and should have kept my cards close to me, and say that everything was great with me?
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 11, 2016 Posted May 11, 2016 Never betray your emotions by lying about them. That's as bad as suppressing them. Why do you feel it was a bad idea to open up to this particular person, exactly?
Author DatingDirection Posted May 11, 2016 Author Posted May 11, 2016 I feel that might have made the wrong decision about being truthful in what i was feeling in that moment because I use to have feelings for him. I felt that by sharing what I was going through may have made me seem weak and needy.
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 11, 2016 Posted May 11, 2016 Try to not be anxious about it - and let's be honest - you were exactly that. You were weak, because your heart has been broken. That would weaken anyone. You were needy, because you needed help and support. Anyone in your situation would, too. He reached out to you, once - and now you've reached out to him. Don't read anything into it on his behalf. In other words, don't assume he might think that of you, because you fear it. What you did, was perfectly natural. Be kind to yourself, and don't beat on yourself when you're already at an emotional low. 1
Author DatingDirection Posted May 11, 2016 Author Posted May 11, 2016 yes, that's what it was, an emotional low. Thank you so much for understanding me. I'm not reading anything into it, although my mind questions if I should have opened up to him, but i know in my heart, that my feelings for him, have de-intensified a lot. Which makes it easier for me.
Gloria25 Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 I think you should have kept it short and say you're doing fine - even if it's not the entire truth. Why? This guy IMO, isn't your "friend". He has no right to know about you and what you have going on. And even "if" before you were intimate, you were actual friends, that all changed after you became intimate cuz once he dated someone else, it was difficult for you to continue to be his "friend" while he dated someone else. By you pouring out your soul to him, again, you are resurrecting your dependency on him and once he meets another person, you'll be casted to the back side again. Do you want to go through that again? I think that he had some nerve to contact you "after" his break up - knowing you had feelings for him and may have seen this as an "opening" now that he's single. I don't know what he wants here. I don't know if his contact with you cuz maybe as a friend he felt he could speak to you freely w/o hurting you now that he's single. Maybe he called you up, cuz you're his Plan B. Maybe now that he's single he may be trying to reconnect with you and who knows where it may go. If you are going to allow him to continue contacting you - then, maybe you need to lay it out for him. Cuz, I'd hate for you two to resurrect this "friendship" and when he meets someone else, you get dissed. Good luck 1
Author DatingDirection Posted May 12, 2016 Author Posted May 12, 2016 (edited) I see what you're saying Gloria, and after some consideration, I have thought about all those things too. I did make it clear to him, that I am talking to him on a friendship basis. Although I do see your point! I'm not too sure what else i can do at this point. Edited May 12, 2016 by DatingDirection
whichwayisup Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 I'm not sure if I made the right decision? Lately, i've been struggling with bouts of depression and anxiety. Mother's day was a little difficult for me to deal with. It was that moment that someone whom I use to be friends with contacted me. I hadn't herd from them in a long time. The reason why we stopped being friends was because we became intimate with each other. Shortly after that, the person met someone else. So it caused some hard feelings for me, and I wasn't able to maintain contact. He recently contacted me after his breakup. Although the person did contact me, on occasion, while they were in a relationship with someone else. Nothing happend, just a friendly chat. Months have gone by since the person contacted me, and then all of a sudden I heard from them again. It was at this moment when i shared what i am going through with my life. I'm not too sure if I should opened up to that person about what i was going through or not? It's my understanding this person struggles with the same issues I struggle with too, and that's why I felt like i was able to say the truth of how i am where I am at in my life. Or maybe I did the wrong thing here, and should have kept my cards close to me, and say that everything was great with me? You two really aren't 'friends' anymore, have to view him as an ex. He basically stopped contact with you, hurt you and wasn't there for you once he met someone else. Now his R is over and he's slinking back into your life, hoping you'll take him back. How recent is the break up? I find it odd that he can just be with you, end it then move on to someone else, that R ends and now he's reaching out to you again?! Is this guy afraid of just being on his own? Shield your heart. Don't just open the door and allow him back in. He has to earn it and no, he doesn't deserve to know what is going on in your life right now. He isn't someone you can rely on long term.
katiegrl Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 (edited) You said you stopped being *friends* after you became *intimate* and he met someone else shortly thereafter. And ended up having a relationship with her. I hate to be blunt, but what you're essentially saying is he had sex with you and then dumped you. He sounds nice. Ugh. Why you would even want to speak to this guy let alone be friends with him again is beyond me. You are already going thru a painful experience, why set yourself up for another? This man is not your friend. If I had to take a wild guess based on your history together, it would be he is hoping to have sex with you again while he continues his search for another woman to actually date and have a relationship with. JMO. I am so sorry you are hurting though. Seek support from people who actually care. Not him. Best of luck. Edited May 12, 2016 by katiegrl
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