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Posted

My husband broke up with me almost 2 months ago already after almost 9 years. Today is his birthday. I am planning to email him to greet him but not from me but from our 4 year old son. I want to teach our son to greet him. I plan to write on paper and get my son to copy it on cardboard cause he can already write. Saying "happy birthday Papa, I Love You" and get my son to hold it showing his writings and I will take pic and email it to him. Good idea or no?

Posted
My husband broke up with me almost 2 months ago already after almost 9 years. Today is his birthday. I am planning to email him to greet him but not from me but from our 4 year old son. I want to teach our son to greet him. I plan to write on paper and get my son to copy it on cardboard cause he can already write. Saying "happy birthday Papa, I Love You" and get my son to hold it showing his writings and I will take pic and email it to him. Good idea or no?

 

 

 

does your son want to do this? if so, let him say what he wants to say.

Posted

Do everything to help your son through this situation.

He needs love of both his parents so do it :-)

  • Like 1
Posted

I'll be honest. It sounds as if you're looking for an excuse to make contact for yourself.

 

At four, your son is looking for personal contact with his dad. Being told to copy a birthday message that you've made up is not meaningful to him. Facilitating his spending time with his dad is. It's irrelevant whether that happens on his dad's birthday. It can happen on any day. Frequent, regular contact is what your son needs.

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Posted

He is in Canada and we are somewhere Asia. At four he doesn't really know that it's his Dad's birthday. I just tell him that it's his Dad birthday today. Yes I want so much to greet him myself but I also want to teach my son so he will know that he should greet his Dad's special day.

 

I just thought I should teach him to greet his Dad and teach him to say I Love You...

  • Author
Posted
I'll be honest. It sounds as if you're looking for an excuse to make contact for yourself.

 

At four, your son is looking for personal contact with his dad. Being told to copy a birthday message that you've made up is not meaningful to him. Facilitating his spending time with his dad is. It's irrelevant whether that happens on his dad's birthday. It can happen on any day. Frequent, regular contact is what your son needs.

 

He doesn't even email to ask how our son. When he broke up with me by email, he just write please tell my son I love him very much and always be here for him. But after almost 2 months, he never asked how is our son. So no reason to teach him to greet his Dad?

  • Author
Posted
does your son want to do this? if so, let him say what he wants to say.

 

Well he didn't know that it's his Dad's birthday today cause he is just 4 year old. But when I tell him, he just smile and said I love Papa.

 

I just think that I should teach him to greet?

Posted (edited)

Skype...phone calls with his dad...These will be more meaningful interactions for your son. He gets to hear from his dad rather than sending messages into a nebulous void. Unless your son asked you to do this, all you're doing is highlighting his dad's absence, which raises questions for him about whether his dad loves him. Again, facilitate their one-on-one interactions.

 

Are there any plans to have him spend extended time with his dad and his dad's side of the family?

 

ETA:

I just saw your other post. Clearly the breakup was very tough for you. That was a pretty poor way to break up. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. In time, your ex may come around and want to see his son. Send him photos of him. Give him updates on how your son is doing. Suggest they Skype.

 

Having your son copy a message of love when your son's effort won't be reciprocated is not a good idea.

Edited by angel.eyes
  • Like 1
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Posted

Thank You for this reply. I sent him photos of our son a week ago even if he didn't ask. Suggesting to skype not possible. He doesn't even email to ask how is our son.

Posted

You aren't doing this for the 4 year old. You are doing it for you. Don't.

 

 

When the kid is old enough to understand birthday's fine.

 

 

If the dad was contacting his child & nurturing a relationship I'd be more OK with your plan, but he's not. This is all you wanting to reach out. It's not healthy for you.

  • 4 weeks later...
Posted

I think it is a great idea to maintain that relationship that your son has with his father. Children look back, they may not realize now but they will in the future. Your son will know that you were a positive influence and tried to help him stay in contact with his father.

Posted

I'm currently going through the same thing, my son's mother left us however, she doesn't even ask for him she doesn't call/text nothing.

 

I've been tempted to just send her pictures of our boy and his academic accomplishments, but why should I if she doesn't even ask for him to say hello. It would just serve as a catalyst for me to reach out to her. It's hard.

 

My advice, don't do it. If he really wanted pictures or something he would've asked.

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