He doesn't want a relationship but takes me out on dates. How can I deal with this?

[beachlover966]

Me and this guy met last year and a few months after we met, he asked me out on a date. He treats me good, we care about each other and we have a lot in common. We also have a connection. We went out on a few dates. After the third date, I made the first move to tell him how I feel. After I told him how I feel, he told me that he didn't want a relationship. He continued to take me out on dates and showed signs that he likes me. I never had the talk with him after he told me that he doesn't want a relationship but still took asked me out on dates and showed signs of him liking me. Was it wrong of me to not have the talk with him to say where we stand when after he told me that he didn't want a relationship when he continued to take me out on dates and lead me on after he said that he didn't want a relationship?

[d0nnivain]

He said he didn't want a relationship. He was clear. His actions say he enjoys your company & enjoys dating you and others. He has made it clear that he will spend time with you but that you are not to entrust him with your heart & he has no interest in feelings.

 

If you want more then he's offering, walk now. It's highly unlikely that by sticking around he will eventually fall for you.

 

Your only option is to vote with your feet. By continuing to accept his invitations for no commitment dates your actions are saying you are OK with his boundaries.

[CarrieT]

He is not emotionally available so there is no reason to ask him where you stand.

 

You can either continue to go on dates and just enjoy it for what it is, or stop going out (which I would advise) because you will only get MORE emotionally invested in someone who won't reciprocate....

[Methodical]

I totally agree with d0nnivain and Carrie. You initiated a relationship type discussion and he shut it down. He isn't and doesn't intend to get invested, which he made clear. Yes, he likes your company. I suspect he may be hoping for a fwb type arrangement and bc you have continued to accept his offers, maybe he'll get lucky. But a commitment of any sort from him is off the table. Bc you are getting emotionally invested, and he has no interest in that sort of thing, it would serve you well to move on and not pin any hopes on him having a change of heart, which is what I think you want deep down. And that is only going to lead to a broken heart.

[losangelena]

Instead of trying to figure out what he wants, focus on what you want.

 

Do you really want to continue going out with a guy who doesn't want a relationship with you? Maybe you enjoy his company, too, and don't want anything further from him. But don't continue seeing him if you're hoping for something more. I very much doubt that will happen.

[stillafool]

He asks you out on dates so of course he likes you. He enjoys the time he spends with you but he doesn't want a relationship. Just because a person doesn't want a relationship they still want companionship and the human touch. If you are looking for a bf it's time to let this guy go.

[CarrieT]

We also have a connection.

This jumped out at me.

 

OP, I believe YOU feel there is a connection that is not two-way.... You are imagining a connection that is probably not even there.

[Erik30]

Believe him, he means he doesn't want to be in a relationship "with you." He's probably also seeing other girls, and one day he'll stop dating you because he suddenly has a girlfriend.

[smudge21]

Been in the opposite of this and believe me, and believe him, that you won't get what you want from this. All that will happen is your emotions will build up and the less he wants you, the more you'll want him... right up until the moment he choses to be with someone else (despite his words of not wanting a relationship). It's a pain I wouldn't wish on anyone - having your hopes shot down so badly but not being able to do anything as you were told from the start that nothing was going to happen. You either see it for what it is and try to only see him as a friend (impossible IMO) or let go and find someone who can return your love.

[Els]

Do you want a relationship with him or not?

 

If you're happy to continue dating casually, then by all means continue to do so. Don't expect anything more than that though. If you want a relationship and not casual dating, best to leave.

[Toodaloo]

Been in the opposite of this and believe me, and believe him, that you won't get what you want from this. All that will happen is your emotions will build up and the less he wants you, the more you'll want him... right up until the moment he choses to be with someone else (despite his words of not wanting a relationship). It's a pain I wouldn't wish on anyone - having your hopes shot down so badly but not being able to do anything as you were told from the start that nothing was going to happen. You either see it for what it is and try to only see him as a friend (impossible IMO) or let go and find someone who can return your love.

 

This - but keep it simple and go for the bolded option. The pain will be much shorter and will cut less deeply.