Apology Owed

[smoochie]

Hi All,

 

Long story short, for the past two months I have been holding in some things that I found disrespectful and mean. My guy said some terrible things to me and I let it go because I wanted to see when he would address it and wanted to wait until things calmed down and talk about it then. Instead of addressing it, he has never mentioned the argument and doubled down on the mean talk and even told me to F*** off twice. Not cool, so finally I told him there were some things I needed to get off my chest.

 

I explained very calmly that I felt he was always coming for my neck over very petty things, how he owed me an apology from before, and how I am not doing anything to deserve this treatment. He fumbled all over his words (I could tell he felt really guilty) and picked a very small issue I brought up to defend but didn't mention the big issues I addressed at all. Asked to come see me later that day (Sunday) but I was at a party and I haven't heard from him since. It's only been less than two days but I find it odd he hasn't contacted me.

 

He doesn't realize he is turning me off. He is always trying to hang out and has been extremely generous in our relationship. I don't doubt his feelings as we were just together having a great time Friday.

 

Any thoughts on why I haven't heard from him? I haven't called or texted him either.

[jen1447]

Butthurt?

 

btw, why do you want to keep investing in a guy who tells you to eff off and says terrible things to you? Even if he is "nice?" That's like sticking with your crappy 1997 Fiat when you could at least afford a 2005 Chevy with fewer miles on it.

[carhill]

OK, past two months have been decidedly disrespectful to you. How long have you been dating?

[losangelena]

Any man who tells me to "eff-off" doesn't last long in my world. Why would you put up with that at all?

[carhill]

Oh, also OP, how old are you and he? I mention that because you've apparently been a LS member for ten years. His behavior, to me, sounds young and relatively undisciplined. Has he always been like this?

[Methodical]

Had you not called him out, his poor treatment and disrespectfulness toward you would have most likely escalated given the path he was traveling. After you mentioned the issues you had with him, rather than addressing them, he chose to defend his one small counterpoint. Doesn't appear to be a healthy relationship from where I'm sitting.

[Satu]

Nobody has the right to treat you like that.

 

Nobody.

 

Verbal abuse, (I think of it as verbal violence) is an absolute no-no.

 

Don't tolerate it.

[Zahara]

If he has little to no regard for you that he's told you to F off along with all the other mean things he's said, why would you even think that he's going to consider your feelings and apologize? The fact that you tolerate this behavior only makes him lose more respect for you.

 

He probably hasn't reached out to you because he's being passive aggressive -- he didn't like that you voiced your displeasure. Likely giving you the silent treatment. Maybe next time you'll think twice about having an opinion.

[jen1447]

Maybe next time you'll think twice about having an opinion.

 

Ha - yes. And I wouldn't be surprised if some type of pity injury follows to make OP feel even more guilty.

 

"I was feeling preoccupied by how bad you made me feel and I bumped my head on the garage door and had to get 2 stitches. Are you proud of yourself now??"

[sandylee1]

Any man who tells me to "eff-off" doesn't last long in my world. Why would you put up with that at all?

 

Same here. Do not tolerate this from a BF.

 

I'd tell him some choice words and to never contact me again.

If you allow people to disrespect you like that. .. you are accepting their behaviour.

[carhill]

Yeah, reading this post, the OP has been dating about 11 months and this kind of behavior has been an issue in the past.

 

My take is the process is to extricate herself from this. At this point, I'd consider apologies to be water under the bridge that's on fire.