what456 Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 I have a question... If a guy begins to serious like you, why do they back off? what are they afraid of? will they ever come back? When does this mainly happen?
blind_otter Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by what456 I have a question... If a guy begins to serious like you, why do they back off? what are they afraid of? will they ever come back? When does this mainly happen? Fear of committment. Not all guys do this. Just the ones who have some sort of issue regarding committment and emotional connections with other people. For me, the fear is that once I feel really connected to someone, I'll lose them and hurt more. So I try to avoid the connection by nipping the relationship in th ebud and sabotaging it....
Author what456 Posted June 21, 2005 Author Posted June 21, 2005 how can i show someone that i don't want to hurt them, but want to care/love them. it's so hard because i am so in love with this guy. he knows it too...and it seems like he is really in to me but distances himself from me....
NTB Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 aside from the commitment phobia he could just still be healing from a bad relationship and doesn't want to get hurt again.....
blind_otter Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by what456 how can i show someone that i don't want to hurt them, but want to care/love them. it's so hard because i am so in love with this guy. he knows it too...and it seems like he is really in to me but distances himself from me.... You can't show some people. Sometimes they just have to accept it, take the risk, make that leap of faith. Some people are strong enough and determined enough to do it, others will remain alone, continually pushing away those who try to reach out to them. Like stray dogs. Some will come up to you, lick your hand, and jump into your car when you offer them food. Others will growl and snap and stalk away, and would rather be alone and hungry than risk being hurt or abandoned again. It's not something you can convince someone of. It's something they need to convince THEMSELVES of.
AnHonestGuy Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 I'm no commitment phobe, but I agree that the unpredictability in a relationship can throw a hurt.
westernxer Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by what456 I have a question... If a guy begins to serious like you, why do they back off? what are they afraid of? will they ever come back? When does this mainly happen? Care to explain your situation?
Cecelius Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 It could also be rational application of logic, and that any man understands that part of what makes him attractive is that he remains a challenge.
Author what456 Posted June 21, 2005 Author Posted June 21, 2005 westernxer, simple met one of my exes..had a great time...we talked about seeing each other again. nextday, nice but distant. yesterday, RUDE. i don't think he is seeing someone because this attitude occured the same week i left. i am so telling you..he flies me out to where he was at. spend time together..kiss once..no sex. very respectful and we connected (so, i thought)..then acts wierd. maybe i should just leave him alone. his b-day was is coming up and i wanted to fly down and see him. so much for that!
ImaManDammit Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by NTB aside from the commitment phobia he could just still be healing from a bad relationship and doesn't want to get hurt again..... Ditto. But the difference for me, I take it slow, so there is no pulling back. Like I make it clear that sex isn't an option until we've moved further along. That backfires too. Damned if you do and damned if you don't
NTB Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by ImaManDammit Damned if you do and damned if you don't this is so true
whichwayisup Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by what456 westernxer, simple met one of my exes..had a great time...we talked about seeing each other again. nextday, nice but distant. yesterday, RUDE. i don't think he is seeing someone because this attitude occured the same week i left. i am so telling you..he flies me out to where he was at. spend time together..kiss once..no sex. very respectful and we connected (so, i thought)..then acts wierd. maybe i should just leave him alone. his b-day was is coming up and i wanted to fly down and see him. so much for that! Maybe he was just seeing how it would go, getting back together. How long has he been an EX? I mean, maybe enough time has passed on by that he realized he didn't feel the same way as he used to. Not saying that to hurt your feelings, but right now his actions are saying he's not interested anymore. Or he's playing a rude game of hard to get..Though most of the time, Hard to get is flirty and playful, not hurtful...
Author what456 Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 if he didn't feel the same way as he use to i don't think he would have kissed me and agreed to see me again? that's what i am thinking...
blind_otter Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by what456 if he didn't feel the same way as he use to i don't think he would have kissed me and agreed to see me again? that's what i am thinking... I am thinking that you're overanalyzing the situation and trying to control something that is beyond your control. His attitude and actions are his and his alone. You can sit and wish and wonder all you want but there isn't much you can do to motivate him to do something if he isn't motivated enough to do it himself. Get my drift? I'm not trying to be mean. Don't sit there and pine away with unrequited love. If he wants you he will come for you, he will show you that he wants you, he will make it known. If he doesn't he won't. It's as simple as that.
westernxer Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by what456 if he didn't feel the same way as he use to i don't think he would have kissed me and agreed to see me again? that's what i am thinking... Imagine how pissed you'd be if you did have sex... He doesn't like you if he's acting that way. If he did like you, you'd know. Guys have a hard time hiding it... they usually act like fools when they're into you.
browneyes22 Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 I have to disagree with blind_otter here a little bit. It sounds like this ex still likes you but has issues that he is dealing with...perhaps with the relationship you both had together. So, he may be reluctant to come out and say anything at this point. Why not leave to be for a bit and if you don't find anyone else try knocking on this door again. You may even find someone that likes you back.
sad123 Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 browneyes, that's what i thought as well. i don't think he trusts me because i have broken up with him twice but for issues that were going on his life. i didn't want to be a rebound so i ended it, eventhough he was hurt and wanted to continue talking. when i saw him recently it was a whole different feeling. for me because i obviously still like him but for him....he was so happy and treated me like such a queen.....i love him still and he knows that but i don't know where his head is.
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