MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 What is so wrong with that? I read another post today advising someone to cancel her date with a nice guy because she wasn't sure she was that interested? Hello, it's a date, not a long-term relationship proposal. If I get asked out on a date, you'd better believe I'm gonna go! Like another poster said, go for the $150 dinner. Can you tell I don't get asked out that often? IMO a date is for two people to go out and have a good time together. There should be no expectations, no tension, just two people enjoying each others' company. If there is chemistry (and this should just happen, not be forced) then both people should feel comfortable enough to talk about getting together again sometime. If the supposed chemistry is one-sided (I really really like him but how do I know he's into me) then s/he's probably not into you. BUT that's not what the date was for, right? Did you have a good time? Good then, that's what it was supposed to be about.
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 If I get asked out on a date, you'd better believe I'm gonna go! Like another poster said, go for the $150 dinner. I find this a little disingenuous. If he knows this is your policy, fine. But it's cruel to lead someone on when you have no interest in them. For the record, I often lunch with girls on a platonic basis. But the rules of the game are clear to all concerned. And I wouldn't do a dinner date without interest.
alphamale Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 IMO a date is for two people to go out and have a good time together. There should be no expectations, no tension, just two people enjoying each others' company. That is the way it should be....but it is not the way it is
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale That is the way it should be....but it is not the way it is Yeah, exactly. I'd love to do dinner rendez-voux with girls just for the fun and conversation, but I know this would generate expectations and awkwardness.
alphamale Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Yeah, exactly. I'd love to do dinner rendez-voux with girls just for the fun and conversation, but I know this would generate expectations and awkwardness. yeah RR...it is usually the women who generate high expections and not the men. Most men I know would love to go out with women on a casual basis with some sex thrown in for good measure. Unfortuanately the females usually make these "dates" out to be a lot more than they are....you know what i mean??
Marshbear Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Most people are more interested in their standard of the person they date. If the person doesn't meet their standard then they don't even want to date to have fun. In fact, if you aren't attracted to the person then you are guaranteed not to have fun ( because you don't really want to be with them in the first place ). Chemistry will not be there if you have no attraction. I guess if you have few dates then the fact that someone asked you out is a good thing and one you should explore. I wish you loads of fun.....
laRubiaBonita Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 So, i can only date if i am genuinely interested in the person beforehand?
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by laRubiaBonita So, i can only date if i am genuinely interested in the person beforehand? Either that or you're stuck with me and Alphamale...
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale yeah RR...it is usually the women who generate high expections and not the men. True... what you doin' tonight MWC? Just gonna PM you the wine list
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear Chemistry will not be there if you have no attraction. This is either very profound or a tautology... still trying to decide which. Moi?
blind_otter Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 I've gone on dates with guys I wasn't interested in. What does it lead to? People bugging you endlessly for months even though you've made it quite clear you're not interested. I get asked out often. I don't go unless I really really want to see that person and they make me hot between the legs and all excited, giggly, happy, calm, and beautiful. Basically I only go out with my BF ( )....in any event casual dating, is a waste of time. And I'm only 25. But I'm like, dude, these eggs are rotting as we speak. Otter needs to find another otter to get to know and hang out with on the regular so she can make little otterlets by the time she's 30.
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 I agree with MCW 100%. I go out all the time on dates (not anymore cause I have a BF now!!!!) But i go to have a good time. I hate that awkwardness at the end with the expectations of a kiss or what not. Thanx, I had a good time, We should do this again sometime. And that's that. I also don't think its understood that b/c i agreed to go out with you, means I'm interested. I might just want a friend. Date on MWC!
laRubiaBonita Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter I've gone on dates with guys I wasn't interested in. What does it lead to? People bugging you endlessly for months even though you've made it quite clear you're not interested. TRUE THat! which is one major reason why not to "just go out" with some guys.... but sometimes you just cannot really tell until after they have had their 5th(!) drink and you're only on appitizers! -OR if I am on my 5th drink!
alphamale Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Otter needs to find another otter to get to know and hang out with on the regular so she can make little otterlets by the time she's 30. that's a scary thought
blind_otter Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by laRubiaBonita TRUE THat! which is one major reason why not to "just go out" with some guys.... but sometimes you just cannot really tell until after they have had their 5th(!) drink and you're only on appitizers! -OR if I am on my 5th drink! Word. I went out to the movies once with this dude. "Ooops, I forgot my wallet. Can you pay?" Strike one. "I have to go to work right after the movie and my car is in the shop, can I get a ride?" Strike two. Calls me after work (he is the doorguy at a bar I USED TO go to), for booty call. Strike three! Yer OUTTA HERE! Yet, 5 months later, he STILL CALLS ME. Wants to have dinner, wants to have lunch, why won't you call me back, your BF lives over 6,000 miles away, blah blah blah. Somehow he got my work phone number, as well. Help.
blind_otter Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale that's a scary thought I shall populate the world with bizarre freaks! THEY LIVE! :lmao:
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Yet, 5 months later, he STILL CALLS ME. Otterhunter
laRubiaBonita Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Word. I went out to the movies once with this dude. "Ooops, I forgot my wallet. Can you pay?" Strike one. "I have to go to work right after the movie and my car is in the shop, can I get a ride?" Strike two. Calls me after work (he is the doorguy at a bar I USED TO go to), for booty call. Strike three! Yer OUTTA HERE! Yet, 5 months later, he STILL CALLS ME. Wants to have dinner, wants to have lunch, why won't you call me back, your BF lives over 6,000 miles away, blah blah blah. Somehow he got my work phone number, as well. Help. Yep, unless amazing circumstances, no car is a deal breaker for me! I have been through that crap! I am surprised he can even afford the call to you Otter!
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by laRubiaBonita Yep, unless amazing circumstances, no car is a deal breaker for me! But it's all about personality...
scratch Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by IhavenoFREAKINclue I agree with MCW 100%. I go out all the time on dates (not anymore cause I have a BF now!!!!) But i go to have a good time. I hate that awkwardness at the end with the expectations of a kiss or what not. Thanx, I had a good time, We should do this again sometime. And that's that. I also don't think its understood that b/c i agreed to go out with you, means I'm interested. I might just want a friend. There's a bit of a grey area here. I think it's wrong to go out on dates where you know you have no interest, but perfectly fine to go out on dates where there is the potential for interest. In fact, the purpose of the first couple of dates is often to get more information to decide what your level of interest is, exactly. You hinted at it in your post - you don't go on these dates where you have no interest anymore because you have a boyfriend. That implies that you were dating these guys on a perceived level beyond friendship, although that was all you knew you wanted. And, that takes you into the murky waters of purposeful misdirection and deceit. MWC, I agree with you, for the most part. But if there aren't expectations, or hopes, it really isn't dating. It's either friendship, or taking advantage. The best attitude to have is to be open to the person, i.e. give them a chance to show you they're someone in whom you can develop interest, but if not, just enjoy the time together for what it is. Easier said than done, without doubt.
Merin Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Well IMO the problem with going out on a "date" with someone you're not interested in as more than a Friend is this... they never get it! LOL It doesn't seem to matter how many times you let them know you're not all about it, only want friends and to hang out... they still seem to think "Psshhh I'm gonna wear you down giiirrrlll you're gonna love me!" I went out with a Guy who was cool, funny, just a cool person to hang out with.. BUT I had let him know when he wanted to hang out that it was good to go as FRIENDS, that I had zero interest in more... he said all okay and good to go... BUT He called me like an hour after I had left and was like did you have a good time? Uh.. yeah? then he said So what did you think about ME? I was like You're a cool person, it was fun... THEN he said So you're not attracted to me? Whaaaatttt! C'mon! I said we were hanging out as FRIENDS right? he said well yes.. so are you attracted to me? wouldn't stop calling me and got pissed when I no longer returned his calls.... I would've hung out with him as a friend... but friends isn't what he was interested in and no he didn't want to just hang out with me on casual "dates"
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 21, 2005 Author Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo True... what you doin' tonight MWC? Just gonna PM you the wine list Maybe age has something to do with it. I'm pushing 40 and recently separated and not looking for anything serious. Like my date last Friday....hehe....okay this is bad.... ...I met someone online, and never got hot'n'heavy but he asked if he could fly here and take me to dinner. Of course I agreed because hey, the last time I was wined and dined and treated to a fabulous evening was um...NEVER?! and that includes my 13yr marriage! And I DID say to him about having no expectations and he even said "No sex on the first date" and we joked about Oral not really being sex, and then well my monthly visitor showed up (talk about security) so I knew nothing would happen. But all we would talk about leading up to it over and over was how we looked forward to just having a great time. I know he's a player, and not interested in anything long-term, and neither am I so I just wanted to see what it was like to be spoiled for a night. So, at the end of the night we were "kissing" and I could tell he was frustrated cuz he knew we couldn't go any further, and then I made some comment before he got on his flight that I shoulda gave him a blow job but it wouldn't have been fair cuz I couldn't get oral in return.....then OOOOPS I felt like crap cuz I figured he'd dropped about $300 on me that night. I guess a BJ is the least I could have done eh? Poor guy.
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 then OOOOPS I felt like crap cuz I figured he'd dropped about $300 on me that night. I guess a BJ is the least I could have done eh? Poor guy. Ask Mixwell... he seems familiar with the going rates hey, the last time I was wined and dined and treated to a fabulous evening was um...NEVER?! and that includes my 13yr marriage! Honey, you're joking surely? If we lived closer, I'd take you out for sure. You're a little older than me, but hey, it wouldn't have to be romantic, would it
scratch Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Well IMO the problem with going out on a "date" with someone you're not interested in as more than a Friend is this... they never get it! LOL It doesn't seem to matter how many times you let them know you're not all about it, only want friends and to hang out... they still seem to think "Psshhh I'm gonna wear you down giiirrrlll you're gonna love me!" I would've hung out with him as a friend... but friends isn't what he was interested in and no he didn't want to just hang out with me on casual "dates" This is a good point. Men, and people in general, often see things as they want them to be rather than how they are. Ladies, if I was a friend of yours and was interested in more, I'd appreciate it if you would be as harsh as you needed to be with me until I got the message. And definitely, don't agree to dates with me that you deem platonic when you know I don't.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 21, 2005 Author Posted June 21, 2005 With my exH, no, never a real romantic date where he made a point of ordering the wine, pulling my chair out for me, ordering for me, etc. He even made me pay half the time (even when it was a joint account) and I'm still not sure what the hell that was all about - maybe just to make it look like I was paying? I always seemed to end up with the "cheap" guys while my girlfriends always seemed to get the special treatment....and this is since Jr High. The last guy I went out on a date with was acting like we'd been dating forever. Our first date was Pizza Hut and I guess he thought he was being funny when he made a comment about me buying. I looked at him with a straight face and said okay, I'll pay if you really want me to. This last guy.....we went to the liquor store cuz we were parked in they're customer parking for something else, and so I needed to buy wine for home anyways, well he took the 2 bottles from me and paid for it. Then we went for drinks on a patio where he asked what I wanted first and then ordered for me. Same with dinner, he was very concerned with making sure that the food he and I both ordered were things I liked, so he could share his with me. Not once did he ask or expect me to pay and I enjoyed every minute of it. We went out after for coffee and dessert, then to the bar, then another lounge. I paid a total of $8 for parking at the airport. If that's taking advantage....well....maybe he was the wrong guy to do this to, and yes I feel a little bit of guilt, but I just needed to be "treated" for a change. AND I had a great time and that's what it was all about to me.
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