They can't talk about anything

[johndoes]

Been together for a little over four months and thugs were good. But then out of no where she texts me at 12:30 at night saying that she is done with everyone. Blah blah blah. You guys no how it goes, you never hear anything until I guess it's too late about how some things you do annoys them. But she never said anything to me about. Well regard less she comes back within 2 days and we talk. She tells me she just got overwhelmed and she needed her space. She said she wanted to work on things and I agreed to with her.

 

Then the next day while I'm at work I get a text from an unknown number saying that I should talk to her about Wednesday night when she went to some other guys house. It's a rumor understandable but of course anyone would want to talk about it and see if it's true. She denies it but is apologetic towards me and then she flips about how I will always be thinking about it. How she sucks at talking about things and how she is destined to be single.

 

Once I receive the text I call her and any question I ask she is just like yeah, huh, ok. Then she gets mad cause she is with her daughter. Well then tell me that and I'll leave it alone but she waited til five minutes in the conversations. It's just been such a short amount of time for stuff to be going on like this so I don't know what to think. As far as here apparently hooking up with someone yeah that's annoying but it's a rumor and that's the way I see it. I just had something on my mms that I needed to talk to her about and she just flipped everything and threw it back into my face.

 

Just looking for advice on what to do?

Edited May 10, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~6

[Souldier1234]

Dear one.

 

When someone is not acting out of their nature and blaming you for things in the relationship, just to stop communication, you must know that this is the ego talking. The ego always creates a separateness and will defend its way through lies or confusion and/or stonewalling you. Why would someone who is truly in love or "like" with you, be mad because they are with their daughter when you try to clarify things. Statements she made that say

How she sucks at talking about things and how she is destined to be single.

are not signs of relationship talk. Its the ego defending and justifying.

 

Take it from me, as I was also in a similar situation. When someone looses respect for you or starts building resentment, instead of just taking to you like a conscious being, they will pull every trick they can think of, just so they can separate from you, and confuse you by justifying to themselves that he or she is good person and does not want to hurt your feelings. This line of thinking is a perpetuated lie from Hollywood that has caused so much illness in our society, because it is far much more easier for powerless people to deny the truth than it is to be strong individual that accepts things and situations and moves on, as life is.

 

Do not go back and forth in your mind of whether they are cheating or if the rumor is true. That will delay you on your journey in life. The universe is forever expanding and time moves forward. So move forward by focusing on you. If you truly believe you have done all that is in your best effort to connect with your SO and they do not serve you with any mutual respect, then Focus on you! Some will say, go NC or ignore her, that maybe true, but I believe more in personal empowerment. Focus and work on you and your life goals. Nothing could be far more simpler than that truth. Why create complexities and complicate your life with harmful emotions, and negative thinking.

 

If she is a true life partner or soul mate, she will come back to you without an ego or anger or disrespect or resentment, and humble herself, just as you have and continue supporting you and the relationship that you were both building towards. If she is not of sober mind and remains unconscious in her actions and can leave, yet another relationship in her life with dysfunction and no closure, then I say, let her go, as there far more positive and beneficial people that you can be with, that will have a positive impact in your life. There is more than one soul mate. You will find your own happiness, whether it is with her, or without her.

Edited May 10, 2016 by Souldier1234

[johndoes]

That makes since and is how I felt but it's just annoying. It is such a small step to overcome or at least in my eyes it is. But she obviously has a different way of thinking. I'm leaving it alone and will move on. If she wants to talk sometime and I feel I'm wanting to then I will but right now I know she has her own stuff to do

[Souldier1234]

The steps you are taking are gonna reap positive rewards for you. Never engage with someone who relies on their ego to deal with life situations or relationships. How many wars have we had through out history because of countries believing their ego and way of life is rightious. Please do not bring war to your relationship or situation. Your happiness is far more important than someone who chooses to not share their words with you, never mind their life and who clearly doesnt value you as a life partner or soul mate.

 

Your life has more meaning then a failed or troublesome relationship. If she is enlightened, she would wake up from her unconscious behaviour and realise that what you two have, is bigger than both of you. Unhealthy people are always looking for love and will live the rest of their lives never understanding it. Healthy people never look for love, because they understand and know that it is always with them.

 

So the question is, are you gonna work on being healthy and find a healthy soul mate who will appreciate you and help you co-create riches and blessings in your life. Or are you gonna be unhealthy and stay with unhealthy people and repeat all the dysfunctional stories you hear here on Loveshack?

 

Kindy note. I am not here to judge anyone here on Loveshack, they are not dysfunctional. The relationships and marriages they are in, are!

Edited May 10, 2016 by Souldier1234

[johndoes]

My ex of four months breaks up with me at 12:30 at night through a text message. She had been drinking with one of her friends at her house and I guess they talk about how she felt and she decided that she couldn't take it anymore so she sent the text saying that we are better off as friends and this and that. I tried to talk to her but she was being really short and wasn't responding so I left it alone. Then she texts me a couple times through out the day and I never responded back to her. Two days after she sent that to me she wants to talk and it's a quick conversation but she says she wants to work on things. We hang out over the weekend with friends and have fun. then I get told that she went over to a guys house during are short break. Don't know what happened or if it's true but it is what it is. So I taker her home and ask her about it and she says nothing had happened during the break. She not really responding to much cause she says she's not very good at talking about stuff like this. I leave and she continues the convo to text I tell her that if nothing happened then I believe her and then she switches back to we are better off as friends again. Just flipped the script on me. And we haven't talked since.

 

I just don't understand it, it doesn't make since and I feel that if we could sit down and talk we could come to terms about it. Maybe we are better as friends but to me there is so much that I just don't understand. I don't have any plans to talk and I know that it will be up to her but what do I do. It's hard to walk away from it. I went out of my way for her and it just gets thrown back in face. I know time will tell but so I try to swallow my pride and meet up or just leave it be

[LD1990]

A four month relationship and she's already playing these hot and cold games with you? Block, don't be friends, don't try to work on things, you're wasting your time.

 

I wouldn't buy that "nothing happened over our break" thing either. She breaks up with you in the middle of the night out of nowhere, then you hear she met up with a guy at some point? Sounds like the breakup was her wanting to hook up guilt free.

[Giggles666]

I concur, block her and move on. Sounds like she's stringing you along, not being honest and possibly making sure you remain backup. Sorry but that is what it sounds like to me.

 

Best case scenario, you have a really confused girlfriend who is going to drive you insane.

[johndoes]

That's what I was thinking but sometimes you have to just hear it from other people

[Giggles666]

Yep, and I'm right there with you. I knew someone for 15 years, she lied to me and quite frankly I don't want to know the truth even though it kills me. When people are evasive and/or act out of character usually there is a reason.

 

Trust me I went from hot and heavy with a long time friend, to hearing her say she was overwhelmed and confused over night. Then days later saying she missed me and panicked because she had feelings...in the end we no longer speak, ruined a friendship and I had to hear other folks say to me....

 

"have you ever felt confused or overwhelmed because you really like someone, have you ever panicked because you have feelings for someone when things were going good?

 

I realize now she was bull****ting me and stringing me along, and also letting me dig my own grave so she could blame me solely. It's hard, but I would cut off contact.

[ConfusedCloud]

2 things might be happening here.#1) she's just not that into you. a lot of times girls (or guys) will use the "we're better as friends" line just to gently tell someone they're not that into them. #2) she's emotionally unavailable, not ready for a relationship with anyone and just wants to date around and have her fun.

 

 

Either way - she broke up with you twice in a short time span. You can never trust her again. Twice? I wouldn't talk to her anymore if I were you.

 

 

Do not attempt to be her friend. Please. That's insulting to your own self respect.

[LostOnes05]

Lol...welcome to women 101. Today's lesson is the Art of Confusion and Manipulation. Trust me you will never understand her...I know from experience. I had two women cheat on me after proclaiming they wanted to start a family with me and that they love me etc. The next day, got the axe. Then the funny thing is they will always say, "I need to find myself/focus on myself/I wanted to tell you for a while" etc. Usually that translates to there is someone else. Either way, trying to decipher the words and behaviors of women is like trying to read hieroglyphics through a keyhole...Take their actions as what they really mean, not their words. So if she changes her mind like a frog in hot water and breaks things off...let her go. Don't go back though. You'll just enable and justify her to repeat the behavior.

Edited May 12, 2016 by LostOnes05

[Arieswoman]

johndoes,

She doesn't respect you or value you and she's just pulling your strings.

 

Next !

[ilovemefirst]

I would block her and move on.

[johndoes]

My ex and I dated for about 4 months and then she text me that she can't do it anymore. So it ended for about two but the kicker is that we work together. After the two days she ask for a ride home and I did it and she wanted to try it again. We talked about things and smoothed it over and then that lasted for about 2 more days and then I heard some stuff that she went over to another guys house during the split. So I asked her about it and she just shut down on my couldn't talk about anything and again said that it just wasn't going to work out. So that's that. Now since we work together I don't really talk much to her and if we do its just small talk. I'm not a dick or anything. I just keep it short. Well she says to my friends that I'm being immature cause of that. All I want to do is tell her that's not it. I'm just annoyed with her and not because it's over cause but Because I have found out a lot about her and I just don't want it anymore. Is it worth doing it or just leave it. I just want to settle it all and be done with it. What do yours think

Edited May 14, 2016 by johndoes

[smudge21]

If she's bringing up personal private information with your work colleagues then yes you do need to talk to her and make sure she stops that. Work and relationships never go hand in hand, but the least she can do is be mature about the break up. If she fails to stop and starts getting worse with her gossip, then you have to go see HR. Yeah that sounds harsh but sometimes people react badly following a break up and you do not want this ruining your job or life.

[johndoes]

The people she is talking to are people we work with but they are also mutual friends outside of work. All she really said though was that I haven't tried taking to her since she ended things and that is immature.