Aivi Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Hi, everyone. Need some insight. I think my LDR was only in my head. I am/was in a LDR. I(25) met X(27) last year and we spent two weeks 24/7 together. Then he left. We live 21 hours apart. But we kept in touch. For 5 months we talked every day, became so close, even talked about children. We were supposed to meet again this summer and then he would move to live to another country, now we would be only 3 hours apart. And even though we never talked about being in a relationship, I was sure we were in one. A week ago I found out(not from him) that in winter he had spent some time with his ex-girlfriend and since then, she doesn’t stop posting some romantic quotes, concerning him and He LIKES them all. I asked him if she is his girlfriend, he said he didn’t have a girlfriend and he was just providing for her while she was in town because it was very expensive for her. He gave some more explanations which could be true. I was so angry, I just burst out. For 4 days I was so angry, we didn’t stop fighting, I was mean, he was trying to calm me down but he said some very important stuff like ‘I don’t understand why you are so angry”, “What did I do?”, “You never thought I was your boyfriend, did you”. But he was still polite even though I was like crazy 4 days and he didn’t give up trying to calm me down. Then I decided I was overreacting and forgave him, we would meet soon and I could talk to him face to face about making things official. 2 days we were back to normal talking but then I decided to check his ex’s profile, I see she just posted 2 new photos of her with romantic quotes (no doubt about him, they were in his language OMG) and he immediately LIKED them. Arguing for days about this, I calm down and he does the same? Of course I burst out again, he again didn’t know what happened, but he said he knew he had lost me already. Then he became mean, said that he HAD FELT love for me. Obviously not any more. He doesn’t text any more. Am I the crazy one here? Someone tells you for months how gorgeous you are, how much he adores you, wants to have a child with you and then doesn’t understand why you are so angry that he spends time with his ex- girlfriend? I don’t want him any more but I am so so angry. Why are people such liars??
Lois_Griffin Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 OMG. People lie online all the time. It's FANTASY. It's not real life. I can find some nitwit right now and start feeding his head with ridiculous nonsense that means NOTHING and if I do it long enough, he'll start believing it. Let this fool go and find someone worthy of your time and attention. And make it someone in real life, not some guy you only see on Skype. 2
Author Aivi Posted May 10, 2016 Author Posted May 10, 2016 OMG. People lie online all the time. It's FANTASY. It's not real life. I can find some nitwit right now and start feeding his head with ridiculous nonsense that means NOTHING and if I do it long enough, he'll start believing it. Let this fool go and find someone worthy of your time and attention. And make it someone in real life, not some guy you only see on Skype. Why he needed to lie? What does he win? I understand when men lie to get u in bed but we couldn't sleep together anyway.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Why he needed to lie? What does he win? I understand when men lie to get u in bed but we couldn't sleep together anyway. Your attention. An ego-boost. A Plan B. This happens all the time, unfortunately. Forget him. He was a friend and that's it, in his eyes. 2
TMichaels Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Am I crazy? He doesn't know why I got angry. Sorry, but he knows full well why you were angry or else he would never have said: “You never thought I was your boyfriend, did you?" OR "...he knew he had lost me already." OR "Then he became mean, said that he HAD FELT love for me." Guys don't like fighting or drama. They also don't like getting caught or having to admit guilt. When their attention/interest has turned toward another everything else is history. They've moved on so there's no interest in re-hashing the past. They only want to direct their energy to the here and now. He tried to put a stop to all the drama by throwing out every and any excuse he thought would work. If you'd accepted his first explanation (You didn't think I was you're boyfriend, did you?") then he would have been home Scot-free. You didn't accept that, so he tried putting the blame on you implying *you* had already checked out of the relationship. That didn't work either as you kept fighting about it, which was frustrating the h&ll out of him, so he resorted to what probably did have a grain of truth to it (saying he had loved you), but was also very cruel. So what did he want by saying and acting the way he did? He wanted you not to be upset or angry with him. He wanted everything to be wonderful in his world which he would define as you staying right where you've been but not nagging him about him playing footsie with his ex or if need be, you going away quietly and not giving him sh|t or making him feel like one. Am I the crazy one here? Someone tells you for months how gorgeous you are, how much he adores you, wants to have a child with you and then doesn’t understand why you are so angry that he spends time with his ex- girlfriend? I don’t want him any more but I am so so angry. Why are people such liars?? No, you're not crazy -- unless you give in and take this loser back whether than be tomorrow or years down the road. Do yourself a big favor and forget about what *he said* and concentrate on *how he acted and treated you* which always is the truth. You deserve better and will find it, but only if you cut all contact with this self-centered idiot, and concentrate on moving on. Best, TMichaels 2
Papiyon Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 You are not crazy at all Aivi!! It sounds like your ex was intentionally being deceiving. it seems like LDR served as a convenient way for him to interact with you and his ex-girlfriend. Although he may act oblivious to his actions; don’t let that influence the way you feel. He was untruthful about his actions and you reacted accordingly. It sounds like you have made the best decision in letting him go. He doesn’t deserve you! I’m certain there is a man you will appreciate and respect you. Sending blessings and positive thoughts towards you during the healing process. 1
Author Aivi Posted May 10, 2016 Author Posted May 10, 2016 Sorry, but he knows full well why you were angry or else he would never have said: “You never thought I was your boyfriend, did you?" OR "...he knew he had lost me already." OR "Then he became mean, said that he HAD FELT love for me." Guys don't like fighting or drama. They also don't like getting caught or having to admit guilt. When their attention/interest has turned toward another everything else is history. They've moved on so there's no interest in re-hashing the past. They only want to direct their energy to the here and now. He tried to put a stop to all the drama by throwing out every and any excuse he thought would work. If you'd accepted his first explanation (You didn't think I was you're boyfriend, did you?") then he would have been home Scot-free. You didn't accept that, so he tried putting the blame on you implying *you* had already checked out of the relationship. That didn't work either as you kept fighting about it, which was frustrating the h&ll out of him, so he resorted to what probably did have a grain of truth to it (saying he had loved you), but was also very cruel. So what did he want by saying and acting the way he did? He wanted you not to be upset or angry with him. He wanted everything to be wonderful in his world which he would define as you staying right where you've been but not nagging him about him playing footsie with his ex or if need be, you going away quietly and not giving him sh|t or making him feel like one. No, you're not crazy -- unless you give in and take this loser back whether than be tomorrow or years down the road. Do yourself a big favor and forget about what *he said* and concentrate on *how he acted and treated you* which always is the truth. You deserve better and will find it, but only if you cut all contact with this self-centered idiot, and concentrate on moving on. Best, TMichaels Thank you so much. And I actually thought he really felt guilty and cared about me when he was saying "please, baby, don't be like this, you are special, you are irreplaceable" during the first days of our fight. Hahaha people sometimes can be really stupid when they care about someone.
justwhoiam Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 ‘I don’t understand why you are so angry”, “What did I do?” Men are so oblivious it makes you sick. News for you: they seldom have a clue. Even when you think it's all over the wall. “You never thought I was your boyfriend, did you”. [...] Then I decided I was overreacting and forgave him Wrong. As soon as he said that, you should have run fast. It was all you needed to know: he didn't consider you as his girlfriend and didn't want a relationship with you. You had to give him the time to miss you and realize he had lost you, AND regret it. With all the fuss and fighting, he was not regretting losing you. But in the end, it looks like you didn't miss much. It won't take much to get someone better. Am I the crazy one here? No, but you were "hiding" in the background, weren't you? No official relationship on FB, no public posts that made mutual feelings obvious. So it looks like you ended up being the third wheel. Try to learn from all that.
ALL OR NOTHING Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Hi, everyone. Need some insight. I think my LDR was only in my head. I am/was in a LDR. I(25) met X(27) last year and we spent two weeks 24/7 together. Then he left. We live 21 hours apart. But we kept in touch. For 5 months we talked every day, became so close, even talked about children. We were supposed to meet again this summer and then he would move to live to another country, now we would be only 3 hours apart. And even though we never talked about being in a relationship, I was sure we were in one. A week ago I found out(not from him) that in winter he had spent some time with his ex-girlfriend and since then, she doesn’t stop posting some romantic quotes, concerning him and He LIKES them all. I asked him if she is his girlfriend, he said he didn’t have a girlfriend and he was just providing for her while she was in town because it was very expensive for her. He gave some more explanations which could be true. I was so angry, I just burst out. For 4 days I was so angry, we didn’t stop fighting, I was mean, he was trying to calm me down but he said some very important stuff like ‘I don’t understand why you are so angry”, “What did I do?”, “You never thought I was your boyfriend, did you”. But he was still polite even though I was like crazy 4 days and he didn’t give up trying to calm me down. Then I decided I was overreacting and forgave him, we would meet soon and I could talk to him face to face about making things official. 2 days we were back to normal talking but then I decided to check his ex’s profile, I see she just posted 2 new photos of her with romantic quotes (no doubt about him, they were in his language OMG) and he immediately LIKED them. Arguing for days about this, I calm down and he does the same? Of course I burst out again, he again didn’t know what happened, but he said he knew he had lost me already. Then he became mean, said that he HAD FELT love for me. Obviously not any more. He doesn’t text any more. Am I the crazy one here? Someone tells you for months how gorgeous you are, how much he adores you, wants to have a child with you and then doesn’t understand why you are so angry that he spends time with his ex- girlfriend? I don’t want him any more but I am so so angry. Why are people such liars?? Your best bet is to channel all your available energy into creating something amazing , like a never ending water supply for African children instead of worrying about this , life's to short.
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