seekingglory Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 I have always been envious of people who got married at young age because I think when people marry young, it usually means they are madly in love that all they care about are each other and love. I feel like living with a spouse is like the best thing in the world like so much fun. I am very spontaneous.. Like whenever I had a boyfriend, I have always wanted to marry them but none of my relationships was longer than 6 months. I sometimes feel depressed thinking so many people got married at young age but why not me? I am a 22 year old college student, I have been like this since I was 17. I don't think this desire to get married will ever disappear.. I know that in my head, It is not smart to get married when I do not even have a job yet but I just feel like even if I get married with nothing, my husband and I can get through things.. I feel like I am living in my fantasy world lol does anybody know how to stop feeling this way?
ExpatInItaly Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 I have always been envious of people who got married at young age because I think when people marry young, it usually means they are madly in love that all they care about are each other and love. I feel like living with a spouse is like the best thing in the world like so much fun. I am very spontaneous.. Like whenever I had a boyfriend, I have always wanted to marry them but none of my relationships was longer than 6 months. I sometimes feel depressed thinking so many people got married at young age but why not me? I am a 22 year old college student, I have been like this since I was 17. I don't think this desire to get married will ever disappear.. I know that in my head, It is not smart to get married when I do not even have a job yet but I just feel like even if I get married with nothing, my husband and I can get through things.. I feel like I am living in my fantasy world lol does anybody know how to stop feeling this way? Age and experience. I felt that way at your age, too. I'm 35 now and my views have changed dramatically. Wanting marriage isn't a bad thing. Plenty of people do. But you have a fairy-tale vision of it. Most of the couples I know who married under the age of 25 are no longer together. They didn't take time to really mature and establish themselves - give yourself the gift of time.
mikeylo Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 People who marry a bit later are at better advantage because they know what they want / don't want in a partner. 22 is young to be married. You haven't discovered yourself yet. Once you know yourself and what you need in a partner , he will come along ! 1
smackie9 Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Maybe the feeling to get married is actually a need to fill a void. Did you get very little attention when you were growing up, had a broken family/divorced parents?
AMJ Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 does anybody know how to stop feeling this way? Talk to people who got married that young- before 25- and it didn't work out like a fairy tale. You definitely need to wait a few years and learn how to be an adult before you get married. People change so much between age 22 and 32. 1
Author seekingglory Posted May 11, 2016 Author Posted May 11, 2016 Maybe the feeling to get married is actually a need to fill a void. Did you get very little attention when you were growing up, had a broken family/divorced parents? I grew up in a very loving family so I don't know why but I did have some problems with making friends in middle school and high school. maybe that left me a void inside? I don't know.. Also,I am sick and tired of breakups.. like someone who used to be the closest to me becomes no better than strangers..
Author seekingglory Posted May 11, 2016 Author Posted May 11, 2016 sorry i posted the same reply again
basil67 Posted May 11, 2016 Posted May 11, 2016 Talk to people who got married that young- before 25- and it didn't work out like a fairy tale. You definitely need to wait a few years and learn how to be an adult before you get married. People change so much between age 22 and 32. Yep, I was one of those. Married at 20 - divorced at 24. We both changed soooo much during those years that it just didn't work.
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2016 Posted May 11, 2016 You are living in a fantasy world. You think being married is being on the greatest date all the time. It is being connected to your partner but it's also about chores, getting dinner on the table every night, being sick, having bills to pay which is especially troubling if you don't have the money, being stressed about whose family to spend the Holidays with. It's not all sunshine & butterflies, laying in bed all day & whispering sweet nothings. People who marry young because all they care about is each other rarely make it because they don't have the necessary skills to make it through the rough times. You need to focus on all the work marriage is not just the gossamer dreaminess of the wedding. Yes the work has its rewards but to get there you need a solid financial base, patience & conflict resolution skills.
LookAtThisPOst Posted May 11, 2016 Posted May 11, 2016 Yep, I was one of those. Married at 20 - divorced at 24. We both changed soooo much during those years that it just didn't work. Interesting where I live, old high school sweet hearts are STILL married and together. Of course, this area is a highly Christian community, so that probably explains the longevity of these "married young" marriages.
smackie9 Posted May 11, 2016 Posted May 11, 2016 So there, that is why, you fear of having to go through the pain of a breakup. It's not a bad thing it's a good thing to experience that, because each time you learn something that you take with you. It prepares us for marriage. We learn what works and what doesn't work, what your wants your needs your priorities, and what you look for in a partner. IMO you are too young to know that at this time in your life. You are still developing as an individual, and in the next 5 years you will be going through a lot of changes. So how about putting it all on hold and be single for awhile and focus on building your life, and who you are and will become.
veggirl Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Just remind yourself those are the people who are divorced before they're 30! How romantic is that?!
Cinnamonstix Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 I grew up in a very loving family so I don't know why but I did have some problems with making friends in middle school and high school. maybe that left me a void inside? I don't know.. Also,I am sick and tired of breakups.. like someone who used to be the closest to me becomes no better than strangers.. It sounds like you see marriage as the cure to being alone or dealing with heartbreak. Unfortunately, marriage is not a guarantee against either of those things happening. Rather, committing your life to someone and having it not work out may lead to the greatest heartbreak of all, and there are plenty of marriages in which people feel alone. The best thing you can do is to work on filling that void in yourself (without anyone else). When you are ready, you will enter a relationship as a whole person who understands any relationship may end in pain but it's worth the risk. 1
MissBee Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 I have always been envious of people who got married at young age because I think when people marry young, it usually means they are madly in love that all they care about are each other and love. I feel like living with a spouse is like the best thing in the world like so much fun. I am very spontaneous.. Like whenever I had a boyfriend, I have always wanted to marry them but none of my relationships was longer than 6 months. I sometimes feel depressed thinking so many people got married at young age but why not me? I am a 22 year old college student, I have been like this since I was 17. I don't think this desire to get married will ever disappear.. I know that in my head, It is not smart to get married when I do not even have a job yet but I just feel like even if I get married with nothing, my husband and I can get through things.. I feel like I am living in my fantasy world lol does anybody know how to stop feeling this way? This is definitely a fantasy. Marriage isn't all fun and games and spontaneity. It seems you (like many others, including me at one point, in college I would ALWAYS say I just wanna wake up engaged) think marriage or relationships are things that save you from yourself. I was this way once. I genuinely felt like being in a long term relationship meant endless bliss, never being alone again etc. It doesn't work that way. A marriage can be hell on earth or a very lonely thing if you've done it for the wrong reasons or if it's not going well. If you're in college you should have access to counselors. Talk to someone about it. No shame in that. If you have an obsession or fantasy it's usually a symptom of some other anxiety or other feelings you've displaced and put on to marriage as this cure and it will be helpful to maybe talk it through and figure it out so that as you get older you'll have more realistic ideas about this.
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