Girl, Mixed signals,

[Xiomn]

Been dating this girl for about 3 and a half weeks. When we first met there was s really good connection between us both and we kissed on first date. She makes me feel like the sexiest person she's ever seen the way she always tells me how cute and hot I am etc.

 

Over time though I started feeling like it wasn't really going anywhere for a few reasons. Mainly because we would hang out pretty regularly just chilling at each other's places and occasionally going to the park quite a few times too. I kept suggesting doing stuff like dinner, trips to the zoo and stuff but it would never happen. I don't necessarily not like just chilling and stuff,. I actually like it but I was just really confused about how she viewed me as a result

 

Eventually she told me she doesn't like doing stuff in public and because she likes doing free or cheap things which sounds reasonable as we're both students. In the end I felt like more of s friend who she likes to casually hangout with every now and then as opposed to a guy she is dating. (Although for some reason she likes cuddling in public which makes no sense). There was also a habit developing of her suggesting meeting up but never happening, she kept on getting distracted she said so I was confused.

 

There was another issue too. Not long after we first met she would send me messages telling me how happy she is because she is having so much fun dating other guys. I thought this was a bit disrespectful because while I know it's reasonable for her t date other people I thought it was a bit off to kind of rub it in my face like that. I told her I felt uncomfortable about her telling me it and it was settled.

 

A few weeks later she sends me a snapchat of her in a guys car with the message 'guys with cars (laughing emoji) bearing in mind just a few days prior she had asked me if I had a car/if I could drive which I said no. I interpreted the snapchat therefore as her way of trying to make me jealous as if the underlying message was to say 'you've got competition' otherwise why else would she send me that message I wondered. I asked a female friend of mine and they also said to me that she was clearly tying to make you jealous.

 

Anyway that was the final straw for me, in combination with my first point that I didn't feel like it was going anywhere (despite the fact I most iterate I really like her nevertheless) I decided to ignore her for a bit. She continually messaged me until eventually she told me that if I don't want to speak to her anymore that I please tell her.

 

So I confronted her and opened up about how I felt it wasn't going anywhere for the reasons I have said and expressed my dislike of my thinking she was trying to make me jealous and play games with me. I told her I think we should stop seeing eachother but she said she was in no way trying to make me jealous and she isn't the type of person to do that. She asked to give it another go and I accepted.

 

We went on a date,. Lasted a few hours it was a little picnic in the park in the sun with music etc and it was really nice suffice to say. Earlier on in the date she put her arm around mine and in the past she has grabbed my hand before so I thought she was comfortable with it so on the way home I went to hold her hand but she said she doesn't like holding hands because she needs both arms free to balance herself properly.

 

Anyway. I thought the date went well but a few hours after the date she messages me saying because of me accusing her of trying to make me jealous and the talk we had were I nearly broke it off she declared as a result she has lost the passion she once had if me and doesn't like me as much anymore and told me she no longer wants to date, also saying she thought I was too clingy which seems weird since I was the one who initially was about to cut it off before I decided to give her another chance when she asked. I do kiss her a lot but only because she has told me she likes to just kiss me for a few minutes because im so hot so I thought she would be comfortable with it.

 

The next day in feeling depressed so I go to the park by myself to chill. Out of nowhere after an hour she unexpectedly approaches me from behind and starts talking to me. She asks whether I want to cuddle and I said if you want so we did. She then invited me around for dinner but she never says when so who knows if it will happen. We haven't spoken since, and it's been the very first time she has actually gone an entire day without contacting me in almost a month. I have no idea what is going on.

 

I want to continue seeing her but I don't know if she feels the same way. Why say you no longer want to date me but less than 24 hours later ask if I want to cuddle and invite me around for dinner? When she said she no longer wants to date she said she would still like to be friends but I made it perfectly clear I don't think I can continue just being friends. I feel really bad about opening up and accusing her now when it was probably just me overthinking

 

What do I do? If I ask her what's going on between us she will probably think I'm being clingy again when I feel like it's a perfectly reasonable question to ask given the circumstances ?

Edited May 10, 2016 by Xiomn

[Grumpybutfun]

This girl is known as casual chill girl in college having the time of her life with tons of male attention. She is milking it which is exactly what she should do if that is her preference. Guys do this all the time too. It is a free time of your life to figure out who you are and to just chill out.

You are in college having a great time. It sounds like you want a girlfriend and she wants lots of boyfriends. If that isn't acceptable to you for her to date other people and be casual in her dealings with you....move on. She wants something different. She wants freedom to be and do whomever she wants. You can't change that through conversation or being clingy and needy. That will only turn her off.

Find someone more compatible with what you want in a relationship,

G

[Xiomn]

So after a few days of no communication I sent her a quick message, rather than say I was confused about where we were both at because she said she didn't want to date anymore one day to less 24 hours later asking if I want to cuddle in public and inviting me around for dinner without confirmation of when, I decided to take a less heavy on approach and just simply ask whether she still wanted to do the dinner she suggested or not at some point.

 

She replied back saying she doesn't know and that she has become a recluse as of late and is basically in the process of trying to sort her feelings out.

 

I have no reason to believe she is putting me down lightly given she has been straight up with me in the past (in terms of when she said she no longer wanted to date anymore...despite the comfusion, if that makes sense) so I figured She would say that again to me without hesitation if that was still the case. Because let's be honest, not many people are straight up in saying they don't want to date anymore and choose just to flake until they get the message instead.

 

Given that I'm the first person she's ever dated and she is young, i'm guessing she is just confused about what she wants and how she feels about me. At least that is what I'm choosing to believe at the moment. I know from experience to give women space when they ask (she didn't actually ask for it but I know she needs it) or risk pushing them away so I've given her just that.. Space. It's been 2 days since she told me that. I guess I'll just move on in the meantime unless she decides to reopen communication.

[truth_seeker]

she wants lots of boyfriends. She wants freedom to be and do whomever she wants.

 

Chill girl is not girlfriend material... and has future ex-wife written all over.

[smackie9]

Is it not obvious she isn't looking for anything serious? Get the hint and get out.

[deadparrot]

She sounds, at best, an emotional mess and, at worst, a thoughtless, manipulative person. Stay far away.

[truth_seeker]

The problem here and with others is catching feelings for someone who isn't that into you or not into you at all. Once you catch feelings for the wrong person it can be debilitating... be strong OP and cut her loose from your life.

[Xiomn]

Don't kill me, but I sent her a message today just casually asking how she was doing since its been a week since we've seen each other and pretty much spoken to each other since saying she's trying to sort her feelings out.

 

She replied back relatively quickly saying she's doing good and asked how I was.

 

Not sure what the hell I got out of that to be honest but maybe it'll put me on the radar in her mind again. If no progress is made in 1 week from now then I think it's time for me by that point to come to acceptance.

 

I have to say also going a week without seeing or speaking to her has allowed me to detach myself from her more progressively as time goes on, so I don't feel like contacting her sets me back at all much anymore.

 

I want to take her seriously.. For two reasons:

 

1. She has been straight up in telling me she no longer wants to date me before (despite as I've said she gave the impression otherwise not 24 hours later by asking to cuddle and inviting me around to hers for dinner). So I figure if she no longer wanted to date me she could confidently say it again.. I hope? Instead,. When I asked if she still wanted to do dinner a few days later, which she suggested, she said she doesn't know and is trying to sort her feelings out.

 

2. On the day she told me she no longer wanted to date anymore she said 'honesty is the best policy'. So in conjunction with the first point I want to take her seriously even more so.

 

On the other hand, the further time passes the more I come to the idea she was just too scared to reject me. Like I said I'm going to give it 1 more week (maybe a bit less, and if no progress is made then I'll take her actions (or rather lack thereof) as a rejection.

Edited May 16, 2016 by Xiomn