My bf doesn't treat me right

[ana_maria]

I've been in a LDR for 7 months now. My bf is an IT consultant, I am without a job at the moment (my only income is from the state benefits). Every time he comes to visit (every two weeks) I cook for him, get him treats from the supermarket which I know he likes (and I always pay for the supermarket shopping). We do not eat out often but yet when we do it's happened a few times when he would leave me pay for my bit (i.e split the bill) and also if we happen to occasionally pop into the supermarket, I get my card out, he gets his one too and when he sees me holding my card out he puts his one back into his wallet.

All this is a very concise version of a long story but in my eyes this is totally unacceptable and I am not happy how I am being treated. Outside these moments, he is very caring and I have no other issues with him.

My question is how do I tell him that I am not happy when he leaves me to pay for my bit of the bill, esp. given the current situation without looking cheap in his eyes? I want to tell him that his approach and attitude towards me are wrong, it's not about the money, it's about the principle and how men express their love and care towards women (in my belief).

Alternatively I would just walk away, which I have been considering for a while now because people do not change... But before I take this drastic step, I would appreciate your help with any views and tips on this matter.

Thank you so much!

[Buddhist]

If you're not being treated as you would prefer to treated then it's really on you to either communicate that or walk away. Alternatively next time you cook for him you could hand him a bill for his 'bit'. I think he will get the message.

 

Or if he suggests to go out, tell him. Sorry but I can't afford to eat out.

[ana_maria]

Thank you for the advise, Buddhist! I loved the idea of hanging him the bill for what I cook for him , but no - I want to tell him why I am not happy, I just do not know how to communicate this to him so that I do not sound cheap...

For example if I say "I expect you to pay for me because that's your way to express your care" it may be interpreted wrong by him... :/

[LostOnes05]

Thank you for the advise, Buddhist! I loved the idea of hanging him the bill for what I cook for him , but no - I want to tell him why I am not happy, I just do not know how to communicate this to him so that I do not sound cheap...

For example if I say "I expect you to pay for me because that's your way to express your care" it may be interpreted wrong by him... :/

 

As a guy, that would be a huge turnoff if a woman said that. You should never expect someone else to use money as sign that they care about you. Kinda sends a bad vibe. Like if he lost his job, didn't have money and said that to you, how would you take it? Relationships are equal partnerships. All you need to do is make dinner at home and broach the topic. "Hey, Im enjoying our relationship but there is something that has been bothering me. And I don't want it to fester and ruin what we have. I dont have a job right now and Id appreciate if we went out to eat, that you could pick up more of the bills. If we have to find somewhere cheaper to eat to accomodate that, fine. We can do picnics and some other things as well so it doesn't create a burden on you."

 

You need to go the route of understanding he isn't made of money either...or you will just sound entitled...and you're the one without a job right now. Try that instead of saying you expect him to pay. Alternatively, if you have the conversation and you feel you're still doing much more than him, do what you need to. (Saving receipts would help to just to show a physical representation if he asks a bunch of questions, etc). But I do think if he knows your situation and you communicate your misgivings appropriately there shouldn't be an issue...but don't go the "I expect you to pay" route because well you're not his wife. Use your words wisely...it matters.

[mikeylo]

I get the gist that you are dating him because of his pay check. He probably can see that and is letting you know. It's not an attractive quality.

Date someone lower than him , closer to yourself or someone who wouldn't mind spending all his hard earned on you.

[Lois_Griffin]

I get the gist that you are dating him because of his pay check. He probably can see that and is letting you know. It's not an attractive quality.

Date someone lower than him , closer to yourself or someone who wouldn't mind spending all his hard earned on you.

LOL...yeah, she's dating him for all the luxury items he continually showers upon her. Lucky, lucky girl!

 

Oh.

 

Wait.

 

Now the REALITY.

 

He comes and stays with her, she foots the food bill, she makes sure he has a clean bed to sleep in and a hot shower to bathe in and hot meals on the table and beer in the fridge and all the things he likes to snack on while he's there and the one or maybe two times that she gets a break from cooking for him and they eat out, the classless a*sshole makes her pay her half.

 

Talk about CHEAP. That's just stingy and cheap. Period.

 

Ana-Maria - let me ask you something. Does Mr. Money Bags share in 50% of the upkeep, cooking, shopping and cleaning that you do WHILE he's there? Is he scrubbing toilets and washing dishes and cooking meals and vacuuming up after himself? I'm willing to bet the answer is NO.

 

He's yet another hypocrite who wants to use the 'equality' argument to be a cheap douche bag and claim you should pay for half your meal while conveniently FORGETTING the 'equality' argument when it comes time to do domestic chores and cooking. There are tons of these losers out there.

 

Throw his cheap ass out the front door and don't look back.

[smackie9]

If his travel there is like a flight, or a few hun for gas, then I would see him thinking it is fair for you to pay for the other bits during the visit.

 

You can have that discussion with him that money is tight till you find a job, so he must understand you can't afford what you are already putting out for food. Then see what he says. Just maybe he just didn't know how financially strapped you truly are.

[Zapbasket]

The way I read the dilemma, is that it's not about money. It's wanting your boyfriend to have empathy for your situation, and to be more considerate of the hardship you are in, and the extra challenge it is for you right now to be able to cook meals for him, pay for things like groceries, and to go out and enjoy a meal at a restaurant.

 

Of course you're not "entitled" to him paying for you, but I absolutely do not get the sense that's what you're saying.

 

When I was unemployed for a stretch a few years ago, my friends were very considerate. If I met one of them out for dinner or drinks, they'd refuse to let me pay the tip, or instead of splitting the bill down the middle they'd insist I pay only a fraction, and sometimes they'd outright pay for me saying, "You don't have work right now." I was very grateful for this, because then I could just focus on enjoying their company and good food rather than secretly sweating bullets about my financial situation.

 

And frankly, even if you were employed, it's the considerate thing to do when you're visiting a partner who cooks for you and buys treats for you, to show your thanks by picking up some groceries yourself.

 

So you're absolutely in the right here. He could be clueless, selfish, inconsiderate, a tight-wad, or all four things and the only way to find out what it is is to say, "Hey, you know how much I love when you are here and I love cooking things you like, but given I'm unemployed right now it puts a bit of stress on my finances to cook for two." Pause and see if he gets it. If he doesn't, then next time he suggests eating out or such, just tell him you'd love to but money is really tight for you. And if he just says, "Okay, we'll eat at home then," then you can ask him what his feelings are about maybe paying for you sometimes.

 

I mean, putting his card away as soon as he sees you take yours out is tacky; why not just say to you every once in a while, "I've got this"? You're not overreacting. Talk to him and see what he says.

[Poppyolive]

First up, lift the feeling that he is purposely doing this to you, some people have no clue. Similar to people that go to dinner parties and bbqs empty handed, or not check in if you'd like anything.... This will help shift your stance and out you in a good place to talk about it. Because it's early on in the relationship it's important you do it now and avoid having a we need to talk conversation. Avoiding you this, you never that....approach.

 

Simply, next time he comes to visit go grocery shopping together. Continue to split going out bills or take turns. Explain your situation and what it feels like for you, you should never expect someone to pay for you. If it's their treat, then let them determine that. I would let the past stuff go and start from today. Strengthen your boundaries.

[Shining One]

It's quite possible that this is how he "normally" handles long distance relationships. In all of my LDRs, the traveler handled travel costs and the host covered all costs while traveler was in town. How are things handled when you visit him?

[Gaeta]

Is he cheap with everything else or just with you?

 

In normal terms yes I would say he pays for the gas (travel to get to you) so it's normal that you take on the expenses of cooking for the weekend but because you are unemployed at the time that changes the rules.

 

ITs are very well paid and usually have good jobs with benefits. He has the security of money coming in on weekly basis and no worries with every day expenses like how he is going to pay his groceries, rent, gas, etc. Because of this, and because of your very unstable situation at this time, after 7 months dating, I feel he should be paying for it all. Period.

 

If you love someone you don't want them to be struggling with their basic needs like buying food. What he is doing right now is taking food out of your mouth. How can someone that 'loves' you suppose to do that?

 

The answer is: the love isn't there for him.

 

Anyone one on here would take the food out of their bf/gf's mouth? while they have a full time job and a guaranteed revenue? That's what this man is doing. Nothing less.

[d0nnivain]

Money is a difficult thing to talk about. That is why it ruins various relationships.

 

If you are unhappy, speak up. Or at the very least, don't get out your card at the supermarket.

 

He may be under the impression that you don't want to be pitied or he may be afraid you may see him as trying to "buy" you or that him treating is rubbing your face in the fact that he has a job. Or he could just be a cheap clueless SOB. You won't know until you talk to him.

[preraph]

If he's spending a chunk of money coming to see you, then he thinks that's enough, and it is except that you can't afford to keep this up, so you're going to have to talk to him about it or limit your meals to beans and weinies and tell him you cannot help pay for going out to dinner and better skip it unless she doesn't mind.

 

He may not get that you're hurting for money. Now, the flaw I see in the ointment is that he should have already thought through these things and realized maybe dating you isn't practical under the circumstances. Unless you are the one begging him to visit, he is a grown man and could simply choose not to do it as often if he knows it puts a hardship on you. And you can refuse him to come, too. But tell him you're strapped for money and can't afford to keep doing this and see what happens.

[mikeylo]

He is not obligated to pay up.Simple. He is indirectly telling her that she needs to pitch up her share.Thats how he is.Every man is different and take relationships their own way. He is on 50-50.

She could choose to refuse go out and say that she is tight on money but she chooses to go out and then offers to pay.Well, he lets her. Flip it over.If he offered to pay ( what exactly she is wanting to) then , will she refuse ( what exactly she wants him to )?

 

How people handle finances is a big issue in relationships. Dont spend what you dont have.

[Michelle ma Belle]

This seems very simple to me - talk to him!

 

Honestly. How can you carry on a relationship if you can't or don't express your concerns especially when it's about money? It seems ridiculous.

 

I will agree with the members who said he might see his "investment" in him paying for his trip to see you every two weeks (although not sure how much that costs him).

 

Having said that, I still think he should man up and at least offer to take you out to dinner while he's there. I think a relationship requires a give and take and that includes paying for stuff unless it's understood otherwise. Some men don't like their women to pay for anything while others are good with going taking turns.

 

Have the talk.

[sandylee1]

If a guy can't take his GF to dinner and pay the entire bill. ... He's a tight a**. More so a guy who is able to do so. If my H did that when we dated...it would have put me off him and I wouldn't have married him.

 

Personally... I wouldn't even bother talking to him about it. If he can't see that he should not split the bill .... then he wouldn't be the one for me. Even when I had an unemployed BF he used to pay for our meals out at times.

 

You buy and cook him meals when he comes to you ... then you split the bill in the restaurant as well.

 

Cheap men are very unattractive in my eyes... and I'm not against treating my guy to meals and nights out... but splitting the bill is childish with a BF.... how old are you both?

[ALL OR NOTHING]

I've been in a LDR for 7 months now. My bf is an IT consultant, I am without a job at the moment (my only income is from the state benefits). Every time he comes to visit (every two weeks) I cook for him, get him treats from the supermarket which I know he likes (and I always pay for the supermarket shopping). We do not eat out often but yet when we do it's happened a few times when he would leave me pay for my bit (i.e split the bill) and also if we happen to occasionally pop into the supermarket, I get my card out, he gets his one too and when he sees me holding my card out he puts his one back into his wallet.

All this is a very concise version of a long story but in my eyes this is totally unacceptable and I am not happy how I am being treated. Outside these moments, he is very caring and I have no other issues with him.

My question is how do I tell him that I am not happy when he leaves me to pay for my bit of the bill, esp. given the current situation without looking cheap in his eyes? I want to tell him that his approach and attitude towards me are wrong, it's not about the money, it's about the principle and how men express their love and care towards women (in my belief).

Alternatively I would just walk away, which I have been considering for a while now because people do not change... But before I take this drastic step, I would appreciate your help with any views and tips on this matter.

Thank you so much!

 

He's probably paid for loads of **** for his ex and then she dumped him in trash , or he's saving up for a new tool kit , either way your probably better off giving up men all together and dating a squirrel , there cheaper to feed.

[ana_maria]

Many thanks to everyone who took some minutes of their precious time to express their thoughts, I really appreciate your contribution.

 

I would like to first mention that my bf doesn't pay when he comes here, the journeys are very expensive (sometimes he flies) but it's his company that pays so after all his expenditure is not that much.

 

My point was not about money at all! I honestly think that a bf should be able to take care of his gf. Taking me out for a meal will not make me richer or I don't think it is me taking advantage of the situation since it is about the gesture, I am very capable of taking care of myself financially. The reason I have no job at the moment is because I arrived to Germany seven months ago, had a job and I was suddenly made redundant since the company wasn't doing great. When I lived in England, I had a really good job and I've always been very very independent, but even then my ex would not allow me to pay most of the time.

My bf knows that I am very independent and I would like to think this is why he lets me pay when I offer to.

The truth is, he took me on holidays for my Bday, did not allow me to pay anything, he recently bought some furniture for my flat too, and he is very caring over all.

 

So I have decided to give him the chance. I will offer to pay 1/3 or 1/4 of the time when we go out. The rest of the time - he can take the initiative and I am not even going to ask to pay.

We are going on a 3-day trip this weekend. I will let him take the initiative and if he has a problem with that - he should let me know.

I honestly don't want to tell him I cannot afford things because one - that's not my problem, my problem is the principle, and two - he knows I am getting 400EUR monthly and out of that I have to pay bills, etc. Out of that I make sure he gets delicious meals, his beer, his coke, lots of other little treats that he likes too - and he pays for nothing of this!!! So it is more than obvious what the situation is - and if he lacks the sensitivity to realise this - then it makes no sense to continue building our relationship further.

The only excuse I can currently find for his strange behaviour sometimes is that, as suggested by some of you - he may want to respect my independence and not want to show off with the fact that he has money (because so far I have actually always offered to pay, so in a way that is perhaps my fault too?!). I have been told that men need guidance sometimes and so my guidance to him will be my actions, since "actions speak louder than words". After all, I am not asking for much - I'm not asking him to provide for me, to buy me houses, etc.

 

I will keep you posted how things between us progress.

 

I wish a wonderful and sunny day to everyone, be blessed!

[ana_maria]

It's quite possible that this is how he "normally" handles long distance relationships. In all of my LDRs, the traveler handled travel costs and the host covered all costs while traveler was in town. How are things handled when you visit him?

 

 

I do not visit him since he travels a lot (his job pays for hotels, etc.) and over the weekend he stays at his parents' place but he is considering getting a house now.

He doesn't pay for his travel when he comes to see me, his company does.

 

Thanks for your reply :-)

[ana_maria]

Is he cheap with everything else or just with you?

 

In normal terms yes I would say he pays for the gas (travel to get to you) so it's normal that you take on the expenses of cooking for the weekend but because you are unemployed at the time that changes the rules.

 

ITs are very well paid and usually have good jobs with benefits. He has the security of money coming in on weekly basis and no worries with every day expenses like how he is going to pay his groceries, rent, gas, etc. Because of this, and because of your very unstable situation at this time, after 7 months dating, I feel he should be paying for it all. Period.

 

If you love someone you don't want them to be struggling with their basic needs like buying food. What he is doing right now is taking food out of your mouth. How can someone that 'loves' you suppose to do that?

 

The answer is: the love isn't there for him.

 

Anyone one on here would take the food out of their bf/gf's mouth? while they have a full time job and a guaranteed revenue? That's what this man is doing. Nothing less.

 

 

Gaeta, thank you for your reply. I feel exactly the same. Just to clarify - he does not pay for his travel when he comes over, his company does.

The only one thing that can in a way explain his behaviour is that I always ask to pay, so he might be thinking he wants to respect me being independent. Even then - I think it's wrong but not all men get it,sometimes perhaps we need to be more straight forward with them... I really don't know, but honestly if things continue this way - I am not going to be with him long-term... Sadly!

[ana_maria]

As a guy, that would be a huge turnoff if a woman said that. You should never expect someone else to use money as sign that they care about you. Kinda sends a bad vibe. Like if he lost his job, didn't have money and said that to you, how would you take it? Relationships are equal partnerships. All you need to do is make dinner at home and broach the topic. "Hey, Im enjoying our relationship but there is something that has been bothering me. And I don't want it to fester and ruin what we have. I dont have a job right now and Id appreciate if we went out to eat, that you could pick up more of the bills. If we have to find somewhere cheaper to eat to accomodate that, fine. We can do picnics and some other things as well so it doesn't create a burden on you."

 

You need to go the route of understanding he isn't made of money either...or you will just sound entitled...and you're the one without a job right now. Try that instead of saying you expect him to pay. Alternatively, if you have the conversation and you feel you're still doing much more than him, do what you need to. (Saving receipts would help to just to show a physical representation if he asks a bunch of questions, etc). But I do think if he knows your situation and you communicate your misgivings appropriately there shouldn't be an issue...but don't go the "I expect you to pay" route because well you're not his wife. Use your words wisely...it matters.

 

 

LostOnes05 - thank you for your contribution.

I would like to mention two things - he knows my current situation very well since we already spoke about it before, he asked me about my income - I told him...

Also, there was a situation in the past where we ordered a take away and he let me pay for my bit. Then I spoke to him very gently, just like you had suggested (I never said i expect you to pay, etc.) and his reply was that he totally agrees with me, he understands how I feel and he actually did not think about it at all. Then things changed afterwards - he was slightly more initiative until last weekend when this with the credit cards in the shop happened...

We are going out on a 3-day trip this weekend, I am going to allow him to be more initiative without saying anything since in my opinion he has enough evidence to make his own judgement of the situation and if he lacks the sensitivity and the emotional intelligence to know what's right and wrong - then I think I am with the wrong person...If he has a problem with taking the initiative, then he should let me know... I think.

[ana_maria]

LOL...yeah, she's dating him for all the luxury items he continually showers upon her. Lucky, lucky girl!

 

Oh.

 

Wait.

 

Now the REALITY.

 

He comes and stays with her, she foots the food bill, she makes sure he has a clean bed to sleep in and a hot shower to bathe in and hot meals on the table and beer in the fridge and all the things he likes to snack on while he's there and the one or maybe two times that she gets a break from cooking for him and they eat out, the classless a*sshole makes her pay her half.

 

Talk about CHEAP. That's just stingy and cheap. Period.

 

Ana-Maria - let me ask you something. Does Mr. Money Bags share in 50% of the upkeep, cooking, shopping and cleaning that you do WHILE he's there? Is he scrubbing toilets and washing dishes and cooking meals and vacuuming up after himself? I'm willing to bet the answer is NO.

 

He's yet another hypocrite who wants to use the 'equality' argument to be a cheap douche bag and claim you should pay for half your meal while conveniently FORGETTING the 'equality' argument when it comes time to do domestic chores and cooking. There are tons of these losers out there.

 

Throw his cheap ass out the front door and don't look back.

 

 

Lois_griffin,

 

You've hit the nail on the head. Thank you for understanding me so so well and for everything you said!

[ana_maria]

The way I read the dilemma, is that it's not about money. It's wanting your boyfriend to have empathy for your situation, and to be more considerate of the hardship you are in, and the extra challenge it is for you right now to be able to cook meals for him, pay for things like groceries, and to go out and enjoy a meal at a restaurant.

 

Of course you're not "entitled" to him paying for you, but I absolutely do not get the sense that's what you're saying.

 

When I was unemployed for a stretch a few years ago, my friends were very considerate. If I met one of them out for dinner or drinks, they'd refuse to let me pay the tip, or instead of splitting the bill down the middle they'd insist I pay only a fraction, and sometimes they'd outright pay for me saying, "You don't have work right now." I was very grateful for this, because then I could just focus on enjoying their company and good food rather than secretly sweating bullets about my financial situation.

 

And frankly, even if you were employed, it's the considerate thing to do when you're visiting a partner who cooks for you and buys treats for you, to show your thanks by picking up some groceries yourself.

 

So you're absolutely in the right here. He could be clueless, selfish, inconsiderate, a tight-wad, or all four things and the only way to find out what it is is to say, "Hey, you know how much I love when you are here and I love cooking things you like, but given I'm unemployed right now it puts a bit of stress on my finances to cook for two." Pause and see if he gets it. If he doesn't, then next time he suggests eating out or such, just tell him you'd love to but money is really tight for you. And if he just says, "Okay, we'll eat at home then," then you can ask him what his feelings are about maybe paying for you sometimes.

 

I mean, putting his card away as soon as he sees you take yours out is tacky; why not just say to you every once in a while, "I've got this"? You're not overreacting. Talk to him and see what he says.

 

 

GreenCove,

Thank you for your thoughts.

My bf knows my current situation, he knows my income since we spoke about it before.

It also happened in the past that we split a bill for a take away meal and then I spoke to him and how I felt, he said he agreed with me and that he was clueless what was happening...

OK! But I frankly think after all this he should be able to know and judge the situation without me having to speak to him and if I need to - then he is probably the wrong guy for me...

The truth is - I always offer to pay... which is why he might be wanting to respect my wish, so I thought I should stop giving him wrong signals and let him be more initiative.

It's complicated... The situation could be interpreted in so many different ways...

When I find a job it will be slightly easier... But I am still not sure about him and our future together, I will just give myself a bit more time...

[ana_maria]

If a guy can't take his GF to dinner and pay the entire bill. ... He's a tight a**. More so a guy who is able to do so. If my H did that when we dated...it would have put me off him and I wouldn't have married him.

 

Personally... I wouldn't even bother talking to him about it. If he can't see that he should not split the bill .... then he wouldn't be the one for me. Even when I had an unemployed BF he used to pay for our meals out at times.

 

You buy and cook him meals when he comes to you ... then you split the bill in the restaurant as well.

 

Cheap men are very unattractive in my eyes... and I'm not against treating my guy to meals and nights out... but splitting the bill is childish with a BF.... how old are you both?

 

 

sandylee1,

Thank you for your thoughts.

I am 28 he is 32. I am totally with you about everything you said.

The truth is - we have had a similar conversation in the past, he knows I hate splitting up bills and he said he doesn't like it too (but that was only last weekend when we spoke about it).

I am not going to talk to him about this matter at all, since I always offered to pay in the past, I thought he might have just wanted to respect my wish and independence. So I stop offering to pay now (perhaps just do it occasionally) and see how he reacts. If he ever says anything about it - I know what to do next.

Have a great day!

[d0nnivain]

So I have decided to give him the chance. I will offer to pay 1/3 or 1/4 of the time when we go out. The rest of the time - he can take the initiative and I am not even going to ask to pay.

 

 

The only excuse I can currently find for his strange behaviour sometimes is that, as suggested by some of you - he may want to respect my independence and not want to show off with the fact that he has money (because so far I have actually always offered to pay, so in a way that is perhaps my fault too?!). I have been told that men need guidance sometimes and so my guidance to him will be my actions, since "actions speak louder than words". After all, I am not asking for much - I'm not asking him to provide for me, to buy me houses, etc.

 

The only one thing that can in a way explain his behaviour is that I always ask to pay, so he might be thinking he wants to respect me being independent. Even then - I think it's wrong but not all men get it,sometimes perhaps we need to be more straight forward with them...

 

I would like to mention two things - he knows my current situation very well since we already spoke about it before, he asked me about my income - I told him...

Also, there was a situation in the past where we ordered a take away and he let me pay for my bit. Then I spoke to him very gently, just like you had suggested (I never said i expect you to pay, etc.) and his reply was that he totally agrees with me, he understands how I feel and he actually did not think about it at all. Then things changed afterwards - he was slightly more initiative until last weekend when this with the credit cards in the shop happened...

We are going out on a 3-day trip this weekend, I am going to allow him to be more initiative without saying anything since in my opinion he has enough evidence to make his own judgement of the situation and if he lacks the sensitivity and the emotional intelligence to know what's right and wrong - then I think I am with the wrong person...If he has a problem with taking the initiative, then he should let me know... I think.

 

OK! But I frankly think after all this he should be able to know and judge the situation without me having to speak to him and if I need to - then he is probably the wrong guy for me...

The truth is - I always offer to pay... which is why he might be wanting to respect my wish, so I thought I should stop giving him wrong signals and let him be more initiative....

 

I am not going to talk to him about this matter at all, since I always offered to pay in the past, I thought he might have just wanted to respect my wish and independence. So I stop offering to pay now (perhaps just do it occasionally) and see how he reacts. If he ever says anything about it - I know what to do next.

 

 

Ugh. This poor guy. He's about to fail an unfair test he doesn't even know he's taking.

 

 

Seriously? Most of this is your problem. You think a guy should pay but you're annoyed because when you beat him to the punch, whip out your credit card & fork over your money, he doesn't wrestle the check out of your hand. Now you are refusing to talk to him about it & you're going to dump him for not being able to read your mind. Over time, you behavior in always asking to pay taught him that he should not pay your way even though is failure to do so is exactly what you're mad about now. Your behavior has never matched your words.

 

 

If that is truly your plan, all I have to say is he's a lucky guy who is about to dodge a bullet because your attitude would make you hard to be in a LTR with. You say one thing but do the other then get angry with him. That is highly unfair to him.

 

 

If you can't stop jumping the gun then punishing him for it, just let him be. He deserves a GF who means what she says and acts accordingly.