Why is she still single? is there something wrong with her?

[barbossa]

Group 1

There are several girls I have had crushed on from OLD site one in particular.

I would argue she is a head turner, quite attractive quite hot, fit body, dresses sexy, acts younger than her age. Yet For several years now she has been on same OLD site and still active. She's hot, she gets a lot of attention online ( and offline according to her messages to me) but years now she's still single still searching

According to our past interactions she gets asked out a lot... but still single but she says she wants a LTR

 

You argue maybe she doesn't want to settle?

 

But Until what point? she is in her 40's, divorced with kids, looks younger, There has to be a point where you say okay I can't be THIS picky anymore right?

 

Hey forget about me, there are way better men out there than me ( so you dont think i'm a bitter reject) There are at least a few thousand eligible men in the Metro area to choose from, and still no one?

 

There are a few others I have seen online for years as well,

 

Fairly women who seem like they are perpetually single. There are several of these cases ( women in my cases... cuz that what i search for) That i have seen have been on OLD for just years and years, I live in a fairly sizable metro area so certainly they should have been able to find Someone in all this time right?

 

( I am sure there are dudes like this too, I just dont check their profiles)

 

question 1: Is there something wrong with her that she just keeps remaining single?

 

Group 2

 

women either in late 30's and early 40's who have never been married and don't have kids but they say they want both now

 

While I understand putting education and career first I feel as if both should be fairly accomplished by early 30's even phd level

 

at least if a person married and divorced, it just didn't work and that happens.

 

question 2: Is there something wrong with a man or a woman who by their 40's still hasn't been married or had kids? Should these types be avoided?

 

Thank you

[PrettyEmily77]

Group 1

question 1: Is there something wrong with her that she just keeps remaining single?

 

No. She probably knows what she wants and doesn't want to compromise, which is her prerogative, especially if she's content on her own.

 

Group 2 question 2: Is there something wrong with a man or a woman who by their 40's still hasn't been married or had kids? Should these types be avoided?

 

Not inherently, no. Could be a choice, could be circumstances.

 

Last year I was single, late 30s, never married, no kids. This year, I'm a in stable, live-in relationship - it took time, but I finally found a good'un.

[CarrieT]

question 2: Is there something wrong with a man or a woman who by their 40's still hasn't been married or had kids? Should these types be avoided?

I was married at 20 and divorced by 24. I never wanted kids and it took me another 25 years of being single before I considered marrying again. Should I have been avoided?

 

I have quite a few friends who are in their late 40s who have never desired marriage or kids but still want strong, committed relationships. Should they be avoided?

[Wave Rider]

Why is she still single?

 

This is, unfortunately, a question that seems imperative when meeting most any single woman, because the alternative situation is clear: if a woman is intelligent, attractive, and is a good relationship partner, she will mostly likely already be in a relationship. So just that fact that she's single often indicates that, unfortunately, one of those three things isn't there. So if she's attractive, intelligent, and single, chances are that she's a bad relationship partner. If she's intelligent, a good relationship partner, and single, she's probably not attractive. And if she's attractive, a good relationship partner, and single, she's probably not intelligent.

 

This applies to men, too. If a man is has a good job or is working towards one, has his life together, and is a good relationship partner, he's probably already in a relationship.

 

I have not yet found a solution to this problem.

[Cinnamonstix]

This is, unfortunately, a question that seems imperative when meeting most any single woman, because the alternative situation is clear: if a woman is intelligent, attractive, and is a good relationship partner, she will mostly likely already be in a relationship. So just that fact that she's single often indicates that, unfortunately, one of those three things isn't there. So if she's attractive, intelligent, and single, chances are that she's a bad relationship partner. If she's intelligent, a good relationship partner, and single, she's probably not attractive. And if she's attractive, a good relationship partner, and single, she's probably not intelligent.

 

This applies to men, too. If a man is has a good job or is working towards one, has his life together, and is a good relationship partner, he's probably already in a relationship.

 

I have not yet found a solution to this problem.

 

I see this kind of negative thinking a lot and it's damaging. It falls along the same lines as the belief that one shouldn't pursue his/her dream career at 40 because it's "too late".

 

Sometimes attractive, intelligent women who make great partners haven't found the right partner and end up single. Sometimes only a few months, and sometimes years. Be careful when you come across one of these ladies and write her off, because a not so judgemental man just might see her value and snatch her up.

 

What's so wrong with being single anyway? I actually think it's more alarming when someone goes from relationship to relationship without coming up for air, but that's just me.

 

And no, I'm not single and I'm not 40.

[Buddhist]

question 1: Is there something wrong with her that she just keeps remaining single?

 

In short maybe not. Women aren't obligated to be partnered in life. But okay so you're seeing these women on a dating site which implies they want to be. But there a few scenario's here.

 

- Maybe she is like many attention seekers in the world just wants external validation of her continuing desirability? Instagram is full of these people but OLD sites may be another breeding ground for such attention seeking behaviour. such people may in fact want to perpetually date rather than progress into relationship with anyone. It's far easier and more flattering to uphold an illusion about yourself if you never get to know anyone else on a personal level.

 

- Maybe she doesn't want to be single but isn't willing to settle for any old relationship either. I fell into this category. After a string of disappointments I got to the place where I said to myself, it's got to be great, or I'm happy single. A person in such a mindset can be as picky as they want until they are 95 if they wish. Their objective isn't a relationship at all costs. It's just the right relationship IF it happens.

 

A lot of women DO fall into this category. There isn't a lot of upside these days to being married or being partnered anyway. The only real reason to do it is if you can't imagine life without this little gem you've found.

 

What exactly has age got to do with it? Unless of course you are expecting older women to somehow be more desperate for a relationship than younger women. That's not the case. In fact many older women have experienced enough relationship disappointments to be extremely wary about getting into another one. They may turn away from the idea of relationship as they mature, realising there is a lot more to life than having a BF.

 

The sad reality is for females and relationships is that mostly men seek you out for sex and to get their needs met. This gets old very quick. Especially if you do not want children. Any man who comes into my life and wants me to start mothering him is an instant turnoff. I'm seeking a lover not a son to be burdened with. Unfortunately the former is harder to find than the latter.

 

Group 2

 

women either in late 30's and early 40's who have never been married and don't have kids but they say they want both now

 

Whatever you 'feel' on the matter is totally irrelevant. Who cares what you think they 'should' have accomplished by now and your judgements about whether or not you thinks its appropriate they seek a family at 40.

 

question 2: Is there something wrong with a man or a woman who by their 40's still hasn't been married or had kids? Should these types be avoided?

 

This is possibly the most ridiculous question of your entire post. You do realise that you are measuring everyone by a yardstick that's about 100yrs out of date don't you? Since when is a person's worth, or 'rightness' determined by marital status?

 

Talk about being brainwashed by society....

Edited May 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language~T

[HillValley]

You'd drive yourself crazy attempting to make something logical.

 

There's no formula. Otherwise everyone would have someone.

 

My sister is a smart woman and could have been a very strong professional businesswoman, but because of personal heartbreak during school she quit. Never really recovered and is now a mom/wife(which is what she wanted no doubt) but her husband isn't what I would have pictured on any level growing up. So now she's essentially stuck in our crappy hometown cause he would never move someplace better.

 

On the flipside, her best friend from high school is single at 40 and wanted the wife/kids role but never got it cause she stuck around for like 10 years on some dude who didn't want kids thinking she could convince him. Smart woman with a college degree.

[Buddhist]

This is, unfortunately, a question that seems imperative when meeting most any single woman, because the alternative situation is clear: if a woman is intelligent, attractive, and is a good relationship partner, she will mostly likely already be in a relationship. So just that fact that she's single often indicates that, unfortunately, one of those three things isn't there. So if she's attractive, intelligent, and single, chances are that she's a bad relationship partner. If she's intelligent, a good relationship partner, and single, she's probably not attractive. And if she's attractive, a good relationship partner, and single, she's probably not intelligent.

 

This applies to men, too. If a man is has a good job or is working towards one, has his life together, and is a good relationship partner, he's probably already in a relationship.

 

I have not yet found a solution to this problem.

 

Yeah, lets just throw personal choice completely out the window here because we all know the destiny of every single person on the planet is to be in a relationship...Good God. The logic, if we want to call it that, is diabolical.

[basil67]

Does she advertise that she's looking for a long term relationship/marriage?

[xxoo]

Possibly she doesn't strongly want to be partnered. That's nothing "wrong". Not everyone needs to prefer being partnered. Still, who isn't on the lookout for "the one" that changes her mind? It's fun, and maybe she'll find him

 

I would be cautious, if you're prone to falling for the unavailable.

[truth_seeker]

It could be any of the following...

 

1) Bad experience from her last relationship has her reluctant to commit to another man.

 

2) She's a head case who drives every man she dates away from her.

 

3) She's a free spirit. After being married, she's enjoying her freedom and wants to keep it that way.

[BlueIris]

..she is in her 40's, divorced with kids

 

She's divorced with children. So she hasn’t been perpetually single. She's probably quite a busy working mother. I doubt that she's desperate to be married again and she can take her time since she is an attractive woman.

Edited May 10, 2016 by BlueIris

[Wave Rider]

Yeah, lets just throw personal choice completely out the window here because we all know the destiny of every single person on the planet is to be in a relationship...Good God. The logic, if we want to call it that, is diabolical.

 

I meant among people who are looking for a relationship.

[Wave Rider]

Sometimes attractive, intelligent women who make great partners haven't found the right partner and end up single. Sometimes only a few months, and sometimes years. Be careful when you come across one of these ladies and write her off, because a not so judgemental man just might see her value and snatch her up.

 

It's easy for people to go through a lot of dating failures, or to reject nearly all prospects that come their way, on the basis that they "just haven't met the right person." I think it often takes a series of failed relationships, and perhaps a personal crisis, for most people to say, "Maybe the reason I'm still single is me."

 

The "I just haven't met the right person" excuse seems to be a pretty convenient way for people to avoid facing their own issues and to avoid making any changes in their behavior. And it also helps people avoid facing problems in the relationship by saying, "I wouldn't be having these problems if I was with the right person."

[Larryville]

As someone said their is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. My thinking would have been different years ago. Today I just simply think that there are some people even if they have been single for a significant period of time just came to the conclusion faster that the hassle of trying to engage in a relationship these days is not worth the time heartache and effort maybe those who share that mindset just got smarter quicker.

[Cinnamonstix]

It's easy for people to go through a lot of dating failures, or to reject nearly all prospects that come their way, on the basis that they "just haven't met the right person." I think it often takes a series of failed relationships, and perhaps a personal crisis, for most people to say, "Maybe the reason I'm still single is me."

 

The "I just haven't met the right person" excuse seems to be a pretty convenient way for people to avoid facing their own issues and to avoid making any changes in their behavior. And it also helps people avoid facing problems in the relationship by saying, "I wouldn't be having these problems if I was with the right person."

 

There's just as many screwed up people in relationships as there are out of them.

[Buddhist]

There's just as many screwed up people in relationships as there are out of them.

 

This is true. Everyone finds their own fruitcake in the dating world....

[Arieswoman]

I get really fed-up with hearing "if she has got to x age and isn't married or in an LTR there must be something wrong with her"....

 

The structure of society and a women's role in it has changed (whether that's for better or worse is a subject for another discussion). Women no longer have to get married to find financial support/sexual satisfaction/children/a house etc.

 

Now women can support themselves financially, have careers, own property etc etc. The threat of unwanted pregnancy has pretty much been eliminated. So women are now free to live whatever life they want - within reason.

 

I was married at 22 and divorced at 29. (I didn't have, or want, children) It took me another 20 years before I remarried. I wasn't sure I knew what I wanted relationship-wise but I was very sure what I didn't want.

 

And I refused to settle for what I had had before, I wanted better.

 

When I met my 2nd husband I knew that he was what I wanted.

 

I knew quite a few women in the same position as myself. Single/divorced, solvent, smart, intelligent, personable. I didn't think for one minute that any of us should be written off.

 

Our main complaint was that men felt threatened by independent, intelligent women and most of the guys we met wanted a "Stepford Wife".

So maybe it's the guys that need to up their game?

[Buddhist]

This thread is just one giant affirmation that once again a woman's value lies in her relationship status. Just #$@! off with that already. Okay, it's been the dominant attitude for hundreds of years, it's time for it to die. People born with breasts do not exist for the sole purpose of satisfying some man in ways he deems appropriate.

 

No wonder feminism got a toe hold and continues on until this day. We, yes the royal 'we' are totally sick of being valued solely by our utility to men.

[Jabron1]

A thread inviting conjecture. This should be a laugh

 

Group 1

There are several girls I have had crushed on from OLD site one in particular.

I would argue she is a head turner, quite attractive quite hot, fit body, dresses sexy, acts younger than her age. Yet For several years now she has been on same OLD site and still active. She's hot, she gets a lot of attention online ( and offline according to her messages to me) but years now she's still single still searching

According to our past interactions she gets asked out a lot... but still single but she says she wants a LTR

 

You argue maybe she doesn't want to settle?

 

But Until what point? she is in her 40's, divorced with kids, looks younger, There has to be a point where you say okay I can't be THIS picky anymore right?

 

Hey forget about me, there are way better men out there than me ( so you dont think i'm a bitter reject) There are at least a few thousand eligible men in the Metro area to choose from, and still no one?

 

There are a few others I have seen online for years as well,

 

Fairly women who seem like they are perpetually single. There are several of these cases ( women in my cases... cuz that what i search for) That i have seen have been on OLD for just years and years, I live in a fairly sizable metro area so certainly they should have been able to find Someone in all this time right?

 

( I am sure there are dudes like this too, I just dont check their profiles)

 

question 1: Is there something wrong with her that she just keeps remaining single?

 

She probably has completely unrealistic expectations. Online dating will only greatly exacerbate that, due to idiots giving endless amounts of cheap attention. You're there to try to meet someone; she's there to have her worth validated until Pablo the unicorn shows up.

 

Probably just settles for the occasional hook-up whilst waiting for her unicorn.

 

 

Group 2

 

women either in late 30's and early 40's who have never been married and don't have kids but they say they want both now

 

While I understand putting education and career first I feel as if both should be fairly accomplished by early 30's even phd level

 

at least if a person married and divorced, it just didn't work and that happens.

 

question 2: Is there something wrong with a man or a woman who by their 40's still hasn't been married or had kids? Should these types be avoided?

 

Thank you

 

The complete polar opposite of the first. These women have a far too pragmatic approach. They aren't there to meet a man; they are there to hire a man to fill a role. They want to get married and have kids now.

 

Expect her to try and turn the first date into a job interview.

 

Now, I'm not sure what dating site this is. But, I hope you aren't paying money for this

[Cherryz]

I dont think there is "something wrong "with most people.

"Something wrong" i think is more when the person have mental issues, or bad, extreme thinking/behavior. Like hates men, hates women, abuser,etc.

 

But most people in the situations you describe just have more life experience.

I think if its a normal person you should get to know them and their story first.

And then make your conclusion.

We all have fears and things to work on.

And things we been true. Everyone deal with them differently.

And some got true it well and some still going true it and not found peace and healing yet.

 

Society aspect that we do things a certain way at every adult age we get.(married,have kids, have career etc.).

But i think its much more important to stand still and look at your own life and see if you ready to be with someone rigth now, or if you at the best of you to offer ,and what issues you have and need time single to go true it and work it before getting with someone or before having kids.

Because it all can work out bad for everyone if you dont take care of certain issues.

And some people do think about this before jumping into things.

They do wait till its right time, right men, right situation before they do certain important things in life like married/kids etc. And maybe they not found it yet.

Or was ready to receive it before.

 

I think many single people at late 30s..40s .. and older have been true alot.

And are just not jumping naively from partner to partner anymore. Which is good on one hand.You seen life so you wiser now.

They do much more thinking etc. because they have more life experience.

 

You have also people that have been out of a relationship but now want to go

and enjoy themselves being single.

 

But since we all have the need to be loved, it may be that people want or sign in on dating sites but not really ready to get into relationships.

Or they just getting to know people. without the intention to get soon in relationships.

As a single mother i can understand that someone have much more reason to not

jump into any relationship. But have the need as a human being to be on a dating site maybe just as way to fill her need for a partner.

But only the person could answer you the real reason why they still single.

Dont be afraid to ask in a nice way.

 

Beside it can take years before you find your soulmate.

And not everyone gos for dating or get in relationships just to not be called single.

Or just because they liked someone. Some people really looking for soulmate. So they wont be dating alot. But only with few that they really see they may be it.

And you dont get a "diamond" everywhere on the street lol. Or every single day.

 

Many things are just life.

If you like the person get to know the person and since you more experienced you

may be able also to know much earlier that its not a match or there is really something wrong with the person. or that its amazing person who just gone true things and is more careful now with allowing a man in their life.

[Jabron1]

This thread is just one giant affirmation that once again a woman's value lies in her relationship status. Just #$@! off with that already. Okay, it's been the dominant attitude for hundreds of years, it's time for it to die. People born with breasts do not exist for the sole purpose of satisfying some man in ways he deems appropriate.

 

No wonder feminism got a toe hold and continues on until this day. We, yes the royal 'we' are totally sick of being valued solely by our utility to men.

 

[]

 

Way I see it is that the OP is just trying to navigate the online dating scene.

 

And he's right. There is a lot wrong with it.

 

Group 1: When you have a beautiful woman on a dating site for several years, there's something up. Red flag.

 

Group 2: When you have someone on a dating site in their late 30s, early 40s who broadcasts that they want kids and marriage, that's a red flag too.

 

Both are sensible things to consider.

Edited May 10, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Popsicle]

Are you trying to work out the probability of finding your future wife from this group of women? Are you looking for a reason to just completely give up? You know, it's okay, and even favorable sometimes to take a break from dating in order to realign and rebalance yourself.

[Otter2569]

Are her pics current? I have seen quite a few women over the years that are on OLD and have NOT updated their pics. I avoid them like the plague. A few have not even changed their profile...serious red flag in my book!

[Toodaloo]

This is, unfortunately, a question that seems imperative when meeting most any single woman, because the alternative situation is clear: if a woman is intelligent, attractive, and is a good relationship partner, she will mostly likely already be in a relationship. So just that fact that she's single often indicates that, unfortunately, one of those three things isn't there. So if she's attractive, intelligent, and single, chances are that she's a bad relationship partner. If she's intelligent, a good relationship partner, and single, she's probably not attractive. And if she's attractive, a good relationship partner, and single, she's probably not intelligent.

 

This applies to men, too. If a man is has a good job or is working towards one, has his life together, and is a good relationship partner, he's probably already in a relationship.

 

I have not yet found a solution to this problem.

 

Or perhaps they have just had bad luck in meeting the right person for them.

 

Yes that one does happen, quite a bit more often than you would think.

 

I know this. I am one, I also know several (both male and female) who have gone through years of meeting the wrong people... Occasionally we "settle" for people who are not so great because we feel we should. We then carry on thinking that is what we should be doing rather than doing what would make us happier (i.e. staying single and available to a better quality of partner). We don't get married because we know it would be an enormous mistake despite others trying to bully us, berate us or exert social pressure and asking "what is wrong with you".

 

Truth is nothing. We are as we are and we are great just as we are. We just haven't met any one who is a good romantic match for us yet. It really is that simple.

 

With so many options around and so many people treating others as disposable commodities believe you me it is so much easier, more rewarding and far less stressful to just take yourself off the market and not bother. Just because you are not bothering doesn't mean that you do not want a committed relationship it just means that you have better things to do with your time, energy and emotions then fart about being polite and meeting people that you wouldn't normally wish to have within 50ft of your personal space or waste time crying and getting hurt over some bloke (or broad) who has committed one of the many usual dating sins (flakes, future fakers, rebounds...) and left you hurting for no reason other than their own selfishness or your own foolishness in believing that perhaps this could be your time.

 

So instead of asking what is "wrong" with her and questioning why she is single how about being glad that you are lucky enough to have the opportunity to get to know her, make your own decision and just perhaps, just perhaps start a new relationship which will be fulfilling and life long.

 

After all - those married couples were all single at some point before they met.

 

I am glad the chap I recently started seeing saw it that way and judging by the phone calls and dates etc so is he...

 

Will it go anywhere? I don't know. But he has renewed my faith in the human condition and given me hope that there is a future beyond "what is wrong with her if she is single" attitudes... Yes I was asked that on many occasions. I have had my character virtually assassinated, been accused of all sorts and been made to feel completely inadequate just because I was single. Its amazing how people with small minds and narrow attitudes change around you when you suddenly have a chap in tow...

 

Is it any wonder that so many feel they must be in horrible relationships when to be out of one means that you have to face the social gauntlet of attitudes like this?

 

Come on. If you are so great and worthy why are you single? Can't fathom that one out? Well neither can she so may as well just bite the bullet and take the lady bowling or something.