Brav3 Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 Its been 3 months and 10 days since my ex walked away. First month was a struggle, I explored and learnt quite alot about life. I started to gradually readjust to my new life . Full blown crying ceased, my sleep was good, things were settling and acceptance was coming in. For last couple of weeks, I have been feeling back to square one. I am riding emotional waves more often, morning, night and few times during the day. I am feeling intense pain, grief and anger. Sometimes, feeling of shock returns that how could this happen and all ( Its more than 3 months and I am still getting shocked of her breaking up with me). I am feeling tired and emotionally exhausted because of all this. Thoughts and memories of her just keep going in my mind. Having sleep trouble again. I know that grief stages are very fluid and they interchange continuously but I didn’t know that it will continue to happen in my 4th month of breakup. I know that break ups are hard in 30's and she works at same workplace in other building. I have been good with NC, completely avoiding to go into that building. Am I really moving on? I just want to be back to that normal, happy, funny guy I was.
ConfusedCloud Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 Don't let anyone tell you "You should be over it by now." Those people don't know what they're talking about. It has taken me a lot longer than 3 months to get over a heartbreak. But it IS getting better for me. Every day I notice that I go longer and longer without thinking about him. Until eventually one day you will realize you haven't thought about them for an entire day. It will happen. Do not beat yourself up for feeling this way. It is completely normal. You can take all the time you need. Treat yourself with compassion. Be your own best friend. Do things that make you feel better, even if they're the little things. It's their loss.
Author Brav3 Posted May 10, 2016 Author Posted May 10, 2016 Don't let anyone tell you "You should be over it by now." Those people don't know what they're talking about. It has taken me a lot longer than 3 months to get over a heartbreak. You are so right. Some of my friends are asking if I am dating anyone like as if there's something wrong with me for grieving. I read some guys stories here, they were still struggling after 9 months to a year and I am only in my 4 month.
gimlynick Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 I feel sorry for you! It doesn't matter if you will be over her in 6 months or 2 years... Just do whatever you can do achieve that goal. You will remember her, but one day you will be able to not care about it all anymore. Good job with keeping NC, even if she works allmost at the same place. Keep that NC, it's not healthy to break it. Take care
lana-banana Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 After a devastating breakup (or any devastating life event, really) you can't return to the person you were before. The experience changes you and becomes part of who you are. In the beginning it sucks---after my worst breakup I hated knowing it'd affected me so much---but eventually you reach a kind of acceptance like the way you came to tolerate that one weird scar you hated as a teenager. It's who you are, for better or worse, and part of adulthood is learning to love the person you've become. Hang in there. You'll be okay. It's true, you will never be that carefree and innocent again. But you'll be tougher and wiser about the world around you. Don't think of it as being damaged. Think of it like a seismic event in the soil that produces an unexpectedly great, complex wine.
Author Brav3 Posted May 10, 2016 Author Posted May 10, 2016 I feel sorry for you! It doesn't matter if you will be over her in 6 months or 2 years... Just do whatever you can do achieve that goal. You will remember her, but one day you will be able to not care about it all anymore. Good job with keeping NC, even if she works allmost at the same place. Keep that NC, it's not healthy to break it. Take care Thanks for your support. I have actually decided to not be anyone for some time. I do not know how long. I hope that day comes early when I do not care. 2.5 years of loving realtionship with plans to get marry and all & she decides to leave one day like I had no worth in her life. I cared for her and she walked all over me. If she could change overnight, I really don't know who can I believe.
Author Brav3 Posted May 10, 2016 Author Posted May 10, 2016 After a devastating breakup (or any devastating life event, really) you can't return to the person you were before. The experience changes you and becomes part of who you are. In the beginning it sucks---after my worst breakup I hated knowing it'd affected me so much---but eventually you reach a kind of acceptance like the way you came to tolerate that one weird scar you hated as a teenager. It's who you are, for better or worse, and part of adulthood is learning to love the person you've become. Hang in there. You'll be okay. It's true, you will never be that carefree and innocent again. But you'll be tougher and wiser about the world around you. Don't think of it as being damaged. Think of it like a seismic event in the soil that produces an unexpectedly great, complex wine. Yes, I totally agree. I don't think I will be ever that person again. I am trying to hang in there. Thoughts and memories just continue to torment me. Thank you for your kind words. Really appreciated.
JuanDelToro Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Don't let anyone tell you "You should be over it by now." Those people don't know what they're talking about. It has taken me a lot longer than 3 months to get over a heartbreak. You are so right. Some of my friends are asking if I am dating anyone like as if there's something wrong with me for grieving. I read some guys stories here, they were still struggling after 9 months to a year and I am only in my 4 month. Many people struggle and feel pain for a significant amount of time (years). It all boils down to your character, personality traits, emotional intelligence, social circles and how much you have (or believe that you have) invested in a relationship. There`s really no set time frame that it should take someone to get over a breakup, anyone that says otherwise is ignorant and possibly emotionally unintelligent. Some people get over relationships that lasted years over a couple of months and some people feel pain for years after the end of a relationship that lasted only a couple of months. Personally it took me 2 years to start feeling better after the end of a 8 year relationship and another 3 years to let go of the pain (and her) completely. With my latest breakup (LTR of 4 years), i`m closing year 2 soon and although the struggle is gone and i have moved on in many ways bringing significant changes to my life, her absence still affects me and i can certainly feel pain (although this is more related to the trauma the breakup caused rather than pain of not having her). You have to treat yourself kindly, with affection and understanding. Accept that you`re traumatized and there`s absolutely nothing bad with that. It certainly does not define who you are and there`s nothing to feel embarrassed about no matter what others say or think. Take care.
Recommended Posts