toneman Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 ok so my girlfriend told me she wanted a break a couple of weeks ago, a week after i msgd her saying lets just break up cause this break business is crap. She said I guess so. Now another week later, she hears that we will be going to the same club tonight and she rings my mate saying that she cant' bear to see me. She thinks she will cry if she sees me. So i call her up and she asks if ive been with any other girls. I say 1. She says she's a lucky girl, I can't see you out cause i'd get too upset, then she tries to tell me that I brokeup with her but it was all her doing. She msgd me the other day asking when we could catch up and now she can't bear to see me out in public. What does this all mean? Can someone please explain it to me? She still seems uncertain what she wants. She told me that we could get back in a month or a year, and i said no way, and she said why not?
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by toneman 1. ok so my girlfriend told me she wanted a break a couple of weeks ago, a week after i msgd her saying lets just break up cause this break business is crap. 2. She said I guess so. 3. Now another week later, she hears that we will be going to the same club tonight and she rings my mate saying that she cant' bear to see me. She thinks she will cry if she sees me. 4. So i call her up and she asks if ive been with any other girls. I say 1. She says she's a lucky girl, I can't see you out cause i'd get too upset, then she tries to tell me that I brokeup with her but it was all her doing. 5. She msgd me the other day asking when we could catch up and now she can't bear to see me out in public. 6. What does this all mean? 7. Can someone please explain it to me? 8. She still seems uncertain what she wants. 9. She told me that we could get back in a month or a year, and i said no way, and she said why not? 1. That's good - that's really the best way to deal with the 'break' stuff. What would have been better would have been to cut off contact completely after that - you would have avoided her trap. 2. I'm sure she was shocked that you 'broke up' instead of agreeing to her 'break' - and agreed without thinking it through. So... she thinks it through and... 3. She calls your friend and tells him exactly what she wants him to convey to you, knowing full well he will tell you this. She wants to appear distraught, heartbroken and vulnerable knowing that as soon as you hear about it you are going to want to call her. Which, of course works... 4. So, when you call she tries to make herself the pitiful heartbroken but noble victim. 5. She continues to feed you BS - she wants to give you the impression that her love for you is overwhelming and it is just 'too much to bear'. 6. What it means is this: if her love for you was as strong as she is giving you the impression it is - she wouldn't have needed 'space'. What she needs is for you to be a good backup plan. She wants to keep you around to benefit from the good parts of the relationship, and still be able to keep her 'space' too. 7. She is manipulating you by exploiting your feelings for her. She wants to find a way to keep you around, but only on her terms. 8. She's very certain what she wants - she just isn't certain she wants it with you. 9. She fully expects you to wait on the back burner, and can't understand why you wouldn't want to do that. Its basically pure selfishness. She wants this situation to work out for herself, and is completely indifferent to what will work for you. The ball is in your court. As long as she is thinking in terms of a 'break' - then you may want to fully consider adding 'no contact' to your 'breakup'.
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia Its basically pure selfishness. She wants this situation to work out for herself, and is completely indifferent to what will work for you. The ball is in your court. As long as she is thinking in terms of a 'break' - then you may want to fully consider adding 'no contact' to your 'breakup'. Yup, and you hoisted her on her own petard. Well done! And I agree - no contact all the way. Either you're on or you're not.
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