Jinzo Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 Hello, Two weeks ago I got in an online relationship with a girl, and since then, things have really gotten serious with us. Now I know rushing into things can often scare people, which is why I've made sure we discuss it and come to an agreement. Everything in our relationship is fine, we talk every day for hours on end, and we're as close as possible given our geographical difference. The only thing that confuses me is that she does not want to tell anyone of our relationship. I've asked her about this a few times, and she says that she just wants me to herself. She doesn't want other people asking questions, giving her advice, etc. This does make sense, but it bothers me that she is keeping me a secret. She has lied to me about having an ex-boyfriend, which kinda has me curious if she's hiding me because there is another guy who likes her, and she doesn't want him to know (she did like him at one point, or if she genuinely just wants me all to herself. Am I wrong in being upset about her hiding me? Is it a simple case of her wanting me all to herself, or is there a chance she wants to give the impression she is single so this other guy keeps talking to her?
deadparrot Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 It sounds to me like you're being played. LDRs require an extraordinary amount of maturity and openness to have a chance of survival. The fact that she's already lied to you once, and refuses to tell anyone about you, doesn't bode well. What kind of relationship do you think you're going to have if a) you're already separated by physical distance and b) no one him her life knows you exist? 2
ExpatInItaly Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 A couple questions: 1) What is her cultural background? Sometimes, depending on tradition, dating around and especially engaging in online relationships is frowned upon. 2) How old is she? And you? 3) Have you ever met her in person? I am curious what you mean when you say you have gotten serious in the last two weeks, when it sounds as though you are located far away from each other. If she is an adult and there are no specific cultural or religious constraints, then I think she is either not single at all or at least wanting to appear single.
Author Jinzo Posted May 9, 2016 Author Posted May 9, 2016 It sounds to me like you're being played. LDRs require an extraordinary amount of maturity and openness to have a chance of survival. The fact that she's already lied to you once, and refuses to tell anyone about you, doesn't bode well. What kind of relationship do you think you're going to have if a) you're already separated by physical distance and b) no one him her life knows you exist? I thought so, too. I just wasn't sure, and I'm still not. I don't want to accuse her and hurt her feelings if she is being honest. A couple questions: 1) What is her cultural background? Sometimes, depending on tradition, dating around and especially engaging in online relationships is frowned upon. 2) How old is she? And you? 3) Have you ever met her in person? I am curious what you mean when you say you have gotten serious in the last two weeks, when it sounds as though you are located far away from each other. If she is an adult and there are no specific cultural or religious constraints, then I think she is either not single at all or at least wanting to appear single. 1) She is Catholic. We discussed religion as well, and she said it doesn't matter to her what religion says about it, that she is happy like this. 2) I'm 25, and she is 22. 3) No.
deadparrot Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 I don't think you have to accuse her of anything. I think you simply say "I'm looking for a serious relationship. For me, that includes not only getting to know a person, but being a part of their life as well, being physically together as often as possible and meeting friends and family when the time is right. Based on what you've said about wanting to keep our relationship a secret, it sounds like we want different things. I wish you the best, but at this point perhaps it's best if we move on." Scale as appropriate for your situation/rapport, but lay out what you want out of a relationship and show her how it differs from what she's offering. 1
smackie9 Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 She's probably embarrassed that she is having a LDR. Most people, like myself, think LDRs are a waste of time. So all she is doing, is avoiding the criticism of friends and family. Take it or leave it. 5
basil67 Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 I agree with Smackie. If she tells people, she will then find herself batting off constant comments about it not being a 'real' relationship. It's only been two weeks and you haven't even met the girl. At least wait till you've met her before you start wanting to tell people. 2
RecentChange Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 You haven't met right? This isn't a LDR, it's an "online only" relationship. I don't blame her for not telling people about it. She has never met you in person. It's a bit much to go declaring to people you are in a relationship with someone who you have never actually met. Most people would advise to meet - and take it from there before investing too much time and energy. 5
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