Jump to content

Sort Through My Ghosting

Chris2016

By Chris2016
in In Search Of...

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Chris2016 Established Member

Chris2016

Posted
Posted

I ghosted and she said it wasn't nice to do that without an explanation.

 

How do I explain that I'm not feeling it anymore?

 

We saw each other several times. I don't know if we were dating or just hanging out. The closest to any closeness was hugs. No kiss, hand hold, etc.

  • Like 1
preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

Say, There's not much to say about it. I'm just not feeling it. Let's move on.

  • Like 1
jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
Posted

Man up and say "I'm not feeling it anymore." She's right that it's "not nice" (actually cowardly) to ghost. Ghosters ghost for their own sakes, not anybody else's. Don't be that guy, be better.

  • Like 8
Miss Peach Established Member

Miss Peach

Posted
Posted (edited)

Agree with the others. Saying 'It's not a match for me' or 'I'm not feeling enough to pursue this' is enough. Ghosting sucks way more than getting that closure.

 

FWIW, I was ghosted once by a guy (who I considered afterward a coward) and when he crawled back a year later wanting to date me again he didn't get much respect from me since he never showed me any. IME I live in a large city and have run into so many guys I've gone out with. It's always best to be the classy guy than the cowardly douche. You never know when you'll run into her, whether you'll meet a friend of hers you might be interested in, etc. It's always best to be known as the guy the woman respects but it didn't work out; not the guy she warns her friends about.

Edited by Miss Peach
  • Like 3
  • Author
Chris2016 Established Member

Chris2016

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Text or over phone? I don't think we'll be seeing each other in person again.

  • Author
Chris2016 Established Member

Chris2016

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Do I say I'm sorry? What if she ask why? Do I elaborate? I don't want to, and dig myself in a hole.

 

She is nice, kind, treats me well ... it just wasn't a match unfortunately.

  • Author
Chris2016 Established Member

Chris2016

Posted
  • Author
Posted

If she doesn't pickup? Leave voicemail?

 

Write things out first? And stick to the script?

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
Posted

If you were competent to go on dates w/this woman, then surely you're competent to figure out how to stop going on dates w/her in a dignified way and to apologize. You don't need scripts or trainers or anything else, just be honest and considerate.

TheArtist Established Member

TheArtist

Posted
Posted

Scripts? Come on now. Just call her and talk to her like another human. If she doesn't answer then leave a message.

 

I was ghosted six months ago and to be honest, I've totally lost all respect for that woman. I wouldn't even engage her in conversation if I saw her in the street now. Is that how you want this girl to view you? Because she will if you ghost her.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Chris2016 Established Member

Chris2016

Posted
  • Author
Posted
If you were competent to go on dates w/this woman, then surely you're competent to figure out how to stop going on dates w/her in a dignified way and to apologize. You don't need scripts or trainers or anything else, just be honest and considerate.

 

I'm inexperienced. Never rejected before. I do want to be honest and considerate.

Miss Peach Established Member

Miss Peach

Posted
Posted

How many dates? If it's been one or two then text or email are doable. Anymore it warrants a phone call. I prefer to call anyway but that's just because I think a call is better than writing.

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

However you've been communicating, do it that way.

Miss Peach Established Member

Miss Peach

Posted
Posted

Just say something like 'Thank you for taking the time to meet with me and check out ABC Place with me. I can tell you seem like a great woman but it's not going to be a match for me'. If she has any dignity she'll let it go there (at least until she hangs up the phone).

 

Keep it neutral. It's no one's fault. Thank her. No need to apologize.

  • Author
Chris2016 Established Member

Chris2016

Posted
  • Author
Posted
How many dates? If it's been one or two then text or email are doable. Anymore it warrants a phone call. I prefer to call anyway but that's just because I think a call is better than writing.

 

More than 2. I'll call.

  • Author
Chris2016 Established Member

Chris2016

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
Just say something like 'Thank you for taking the time to meet with me and check out ABC Place with me. I can tell you seem like a great woman but it's not going to be a match for me'. If she has any dignity she'll let it go there (at least until she hangs up the phone).

 

Keep it neutral. It's no one's fault. Thank her. No need to apologize.

 

Thank you!

 

This is what I meant by script or writing it out first. Get my thoughts together.

Edited by Chris2016
jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
Posted
Just say something like 'Thank you for taking the time to meet with me and check out ABC Place with me. I can tell you seem like a great woman but it's not going to be a match for me'. If she has any dignity she'll let it go there (at least until she hangs up the phone).

 

Keep it neutral. It's no one's fault. Thank her. No need to apologize.

 

He should apologize for ghosting her initially IMO, which was apparently enough to make her comment on his behavior. Not apologizing might actually seem kinda weird in that light.

  • Author
Chris2016 Established Member

Chris2016

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
Just say something like 'Thank you for taking the time to meet with me and check out ABC Place with me. I can tell you seem like a great woman but it's not going to be a match for me'. If she has any dignity she'll let it go there (at least until she hangs up the phone).

 

Keep it neutral. It's no one's fault. Thank her. No need to apologize.

 

He should apologize for ghosting her initially IMO, which was apparently enough to make her comment on his behavior. Not apologizing might actually seem kinda weird in that light.

 

It's done. She didn't pick-up. I left a voicemail. I apologized for going silent. I used Miss Peach's example as a guide and tried my best to stay focused; be honest; and considerate. I blabbered a lot. Not sure if I made any sense. I apologized again and ended the call.

 

Thanks for helping me out.

 

Feeling jittery/shaky, nervous, sad, relieved.

Edited by Chris2016
  • Like 4
jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
Posted
It's done. She didn't pick-up. I left a voicemail. I apologized for going silent. I used Miss Peach's example as a guide and tried my best to stay focused; be honest; and considerate. I blabbered a lot. Not sure if I made any sense. I apologized again and ended the call.

 

Thanks for helping me out.

 

Feeling jittery/shaky, nervous, sad, relieved.

 

The shaky feelings are to be expected, no worries. Even if she didn't pick up and never acknowledges you, you've still done the right thing and she'll benefit from hearing all that.

  • Like 3
  • Author
Chris2016 Established Member

Chris2016

Posted
  • Author
Posted

She texted back. She appreciated the call and explanation. She knew it was platonic, from both sides. She is disappointed I didn't want to be friends. I don't know if I conveyed that. I forgot what I mumbled in my voicemail. I should have recorded it.

  • Like 1
jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
Posted

Do you want to be friends?

Miss Peach Established Member

Miss Peach

Posted
Posted
He should apologize for ghosting her initially IMO, which was apparently enough to make her comment on his behavior. Not apologizing might actually seem kinda weird in that light.

 

Do you want to be friends?

 

Since he initially tried to ghost I can agree with you because he didn't act respectful towards her. But if this were just a normal breakup then I don't think there needs to be an apology. I took the OP's situation as if he wanted to ghost; not that he had yet.

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
Posted
Since he initially tried to ghost I can agree with you because he didn't act respectful towards her. But if this were just a normal breakup then I don't think there needs to be an apology. I took the OP's situation as if he wanted to ghost; not that he had yet.

 

Yep - there's no need for apologies on either side just bc dating or even a relationship didn't work out. (Assuming no one screwed anyone over.) :)

  • Author
Chris2016 Established Member

Chris2016

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
Do you want to be friends?

 

I think so. I enjoy her company. I think she enjoys mine. She communicates well. Better than I do, and I've learned a thing or two as a result. There hasn't been any red flags. I've never had a female friend before, who I would hang out with one-on-one.

Edited by Chris2016
jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
Posted
I think so. I enjoy her company. I think she enjoys mine. She communicates well. Better than I do, and I've learned a thing or two as a result. There hasn't been any red flags. I've never had a female friend before, who I would hang out with one-on-one.

 

Then tell her you'd like to be friends. But be prepared for her to reject you on that one if she decides it's too compromising.

  • Author
Chris2016 Established Member

Chris2016

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Then tell her you'd like to be friends. But be prepared for her to reject you on that one if she decides it's too compromising.

 

Yes. She can ghost me now. That's in the back of my mind. Since I've already let the cat out of the bag. I also think maybe I should just consider this a wash. Take lessons from this and communicate better next time.

  • Like 1
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...