Boyfriend arrested/accused of sleeping with a minor..

[castiel1992]

My boyfriend of four years has been incarcerated for two months now. He was accused of sexual misconduct with one of his students and was asked to meet with a detective for an interview. At the interview, he declined a DNA test and requested an attorney. He was immediately arrested.

 

The girl who accused him has a history of emotional disorders. She's been in and out of psychiatric facilities for most the past few years, and I feel like her accusations could be false. She says he picked her up and she gave him a (consensual) blowjob. She then bragged to a her friend who called the police.

 

I don't know what to believe. Since he's been in jail, he hasn't been questioned and no formal charges have been filed. The state he's in has 90 days to indict him or release him.

 

I've spent a lot of money keeping in contact with him. He's adamant that he is innocent.... and I love him. But he's cheated on me before. He also wiped his cell phone and email accounts before meeting with the detective. So I may be supporting someone who cheated on me with a minor.

 

I'm worried I'm being emotionally manipulated. He knows how much I love him and that I would do anything for him, and he's been much more committed to the relationship since this started. I'm worried he's leading me on because I'm the only one financially supporting him.

 

I don't know what to do. I love him. He's the only person I've ever been with. I'm just terrified right now.

[MrBojangles]

I've spent a lot of money keeping in contact with him. He's adamant that he is innocent.... and I love him. But he's cheated on me before. He also wiped his cell phone and email accounts before meeting with the detective. So I may be supporting someone who cheated on me with a minor.

 

I'm worried I'm being emotionally manipulated. He knows how much I love him and that I would do anything for him, and he's been much more committed to the relationship since this started. I'm worried he's leading me on because I'm the only one financially supporting him.

 

I don't know what to do. I love him. He's the only person I've ever been with. I'm just terrified right now.

 

Hello castiel1992, welcome to LS. So sorry to hear you are suffering through this mess. Based on the details that you've provided here, I honestly have a bad feeling about his innocence. Given the fact that he was a teacher, why would he not want to provide a DNA to aid in proving these charges false? While he had the right to refuse the DNA test and request an attorney, it seems that he would have tried to resolve the matter at the beginning by fully cooperating.

 

Also, realize that you are his only lifeline with the outside world right now, and his being incarcerated will only strengthen his bond with you. I'm not saying he's guilty, but he is going to do and say whatever is necessary to keep you on his side while he's locked up. I know how expensive it can be to support loved ones that are incarcerated.

 

I must ask you, what does your gut tell you about his guilt or innocence? I can sense you have doubts both ways. The only real advice I can give you at this moment, is to be very careful. Continue to keep an open mind, but prepare yourself for a negative outcome.

[elaine567]

At the interview, he declined a DNA test and requested an attorney. He was immediately arrested.

 

But he's cheated on me before. He also wiped his cell phone and email accounts before meeting with the detective.

Doesn't sound good does it.

 

I guess the police will be able to find his deleted emails and cell phone records, but if not and he is cleared of any wrongdoing, his behaviour here is highly suspicious.

I wouldn't be able to trust him going forward.

 

Similar case. 15 year old girl.

- Adam Johnson guilty of child sex charge - BBC News

'The truth broke my heart': Adam Johnson's ex Stacey Flounders on hearing devastating evidence at his child sex trial

[jen1447]

I don't know what to believe. Since he's been in jail, he hasn't been questioned and no formal charges have been filed. The state he's in has 90 days to indict him or release him.

 

90 days?? What state are you in? Normally the police have a limit of like 24 hours to hold someone without charging them, so I'd be very suspicious of that. Who told you he was being 'held' indefinitely without being charged, him?

 

93 days is also a common jail term for some lesser offenses, which seems like an interesting coincidence, altho the sex w/minors thing likely wouldn't be a lesser offense. (btw, if this girl was a minor outside the range of her consent-giving abilities, the whole concept of her 'consent' would be insignificant. How old are both of them?)

[d0nnivain]

My boyfriend of four years has been incarcerated for two months now.

 

 

The state he's in has 90 days to indict him or release him.

 

I've spent a lot of money keeping in contact with him. He's adamant that he is innocent.... and I love him. But he's cheated on me before.

 

I'm worried I'm being emotionally manipulated. He knows how much I love him and that I would do anything for him, and he's been much more committed to the relationship since this started. I'm worried he's leading me on because I'm the only one financially supporting him. .

 

 

I don't understand why you stuck around the 1st time he cheated. By doing so you are teaching him it's OK to treat you badly.

 

 

Now that you are his sole source of financial support, of course he's going to do anything to get you to stay & the money to keep coming. You are being manipulated.

 

 

Even if he is innocent, (which is unlikely given everything else) how bad is him money situation that he can't even make bail?

 

 

This whole thing won't end well for you.

[Methodical]

Sounds fishy to me. Why wipe his phone and emails if there was nothing incriminating? Why not consent to a DNA, even tho it was his right to do so, unless, again, the chance of finding incriminating evidence was significant? And holding someone for 90 days without formal charges is bogus. That goes against "innocent until proven guilty."

[CarrieT]

If she *is* under-aged, then nothing she does is consensual - it is then considered statutory rape.

 

He wiped his phone and refused a DNA test? And he has cheated before?

 

Time to move on, my dear...

[elaine567]

Art. 17.151. RELEASE BECAUSE OF DELAY. Sec. 1. A defendant

who is detained in jail pending trial of an accusation against him

must be released either on personal bond or by reducing the amount

of bail required, if the state is not ready for trial of the

criminal action for which he is being detained within:

(1) 90 days from the commencement of his detention if he is

accused of a felony;

I guess sex with a minor is a felony.

[VeveCakes]

Yes he's guilty, yes he is emotionally manipulating you. If he was innocent he would be out and have provided a DNA test immediately. There is probably a lot more evidence there you don't know about.

 

Walk away and never look back.

[preraph]

I'm so sorry you've been blindsided by this. By the way, just wiping your accounts won't stop them from subpoenaing the e-mail server and phone records. They are obtainable from the phone company, the texts, at least. Plus, all they have to do is look at HER phone and e-mail to see him there.

 

No way to know if he's innocent or not. But here is what I can tell you. The more emotionally messed up someone is, the more likely someone is to take advantage of them OR the more likely they are to initiate something inappropriate as well.

 

What is the age gap here?

 

I'm sure you are only getting a very limited version of the story. And that may be all you get unless your man okays the attorney to tell you everything he knows as you go along -- and if he doesn't, I think you can take that as your man being guilty. If he's innocent, he should want the attorney to share info with you so he has your support. If he tries to keep you out of it, he's guilty. You can't go by what he says. You'll have to hold on until you see the evidence. Be sure to attend any and all hearings and depositions that take place so you find out what's going on. Call a court clerk (any one) and ask how to find out the case number and what court will be in charge of it, and then stay in touch with the court clerk of that court to stay informed.

 

Hang in there.

[GunslingerRoland]

I agree this story sounds really fishy. I'm pretty sure you can't be detained for 90 days without charges unless it's under the patriot act.

 

 

But why are you giving him the benefit of the doubt when he acted extremely suspicious before meeting with the detective and has cheated on your before?

[Gloria25]

Wow, so cuz this girl "allegedly" is mentally unstable means that any guy messing with her has no responsibility and/or is innocent?

 

That's pretty much saying that cuz someone forgot to lock their home, that they deserved to be robbed?

 

Ever consider that creeps like Crosby seek out these women with issues, prostitutes, druggies, cuz they are weak, vulnerable and/or will have less credibility? Which makes guys like Crosby even bigger slimeballs?

 

Me, faced with such an issue (this is not a matter of whether or not he likes my cooking) would rather risk dumping him than give him the benefit of doubt.

Edited May 9, 2016 by Gloria25

[elaine567]

Wow, so cuz this girl "allegedly" is mentally unstable means that any guy messing with her has no responsibility and/or is innocent?

Ever consider that creeps like Crosby seek out these women with issues, prostitutes, druggies, cuz they are weak, vulnerable and/or will have less credibility? Which makes guys like Crosby even bigger slimeballs?

 

Yes, they prey on the vulnerable as they are less likely to be believed.

 

"For years, the police failed to get a grip of the problem, dismissing many of the victims as “out of control” or as “undesirables” who were not worthy of police protection."

Rotherham sex abuse scandal: 1,400 children exploited by Asian gangs while authorities turned a blind eye - Telegraph

[basil67]

Agree with so many comments here.

 

1, if she was underage, then the sexual contact cannot be consensual.

2, if he's innocent, why not supply a DNA sample to have himself exonerated?

3, why clear his phone if he has nothing to hide

4, a person who has a history of mental instability is even more vulnerable than a person who has no instability. They are also less likely to be believed, hence them getting preyed on more often.

[preraph]

There would only be DNA if she immediately went down to the police station, which is usually not the case. The phone and email he was worried enough about to purge makes him look guilty and will be the best evidence, probably.

[sandylee1]

From the information you've provided... he has something to hide. He has put himself in a position where this allegation was made against him. Is he a teacher? Professor?

 

He has a history of cheating and he's capitalising on the fact that you love him and right now you are the cash cow.

 

There are better men out there you know. I'm aware that false accusations can be and are made ... but your guy has form ... that doesn't bode well. Drop him and let his family support him. He's just a BF ... not a husband.... even then I'd let the police know everything necessary if my H was accused of such a crime. I will not be complicit in it at all.

 

Please be truthful if you are questioned by the police.. it's in your best interest.

[Gloria25]

Even though I think he's guilty (yes, already), I hate when people think that you're guilty cuz you don't want to talk to the police, testify, take a polygraph, give DNA.

 

The judicial system isn't like on TV, where the cops and DA's office will do everything to find the "real" bag guy. They just wanna quickly close this case and move on to the next one....adding how you can't trust the govt with properly handling your info, I'm less inclined to give them my DNA or anything. I always recommend lawyering up and keep your mouth shut.

[bathtub-row]

So, because you love him, all rational decisions and thinking goes out the window, right? You should ignore all the red flags and be sure to over-extend yourself financially because love conquers all and covers a multitude of sins. He couldn't possibly be lying - despite the evidence in front of you - because he knows you love him. And he sounds really, really convincing. Yep. He must be innocent.

[Quiet Storm]

Art. 17.151. RELEASE BECAUSE OF DELAY. Sec. 1. A defendant who is detained in jail pending trial of an accusation against him must be released either on personal bond or by reducing the amount of bail required, if the state is not ready for trial of the criminal action for which he is being detained within:

(1) 90 days from the commencement of his detention if he is accused of a felony

;

 

I think this means that they can hold an accused felon for 90 days while they are awaiting trial, after they have been charged or indicted.

 

OP said he hasn't even been charged. I think they can only detain for 48-72 hours without charges or an indictment.

 

The likely scenario is that he has been charged and is awaiting trial. Check to see if your state has a "judicial case search" website where you can get more info.

 

It doesn't sound good.

 

My sister had emotional issues and lied a lot, and many people did not believe her about a sexual assault. Then other victims came forward with the same story. Emotional issues should not automatically be viewed as "she's a drama queen and a liar". Her issues could actually make her more vulnerable to being a victim.

[Jersey born raised]

There are cases where the accuser is either wrong, attempting a form of revenge, accusing him out of fear of the true abuser, acting out for other reasons. Glora25 is right, from the police view point is are there enough red flags to get a DA involved, form the DA's view point it is can I convince a jury to convict.

 

To answer your question be aware of all the evidence. If you believe in his innocence (without crippling yourself financial) help get hm a lawyer. Write him and call him. But do not lie to others or yourself.

 

Understand both the guilty and the innocent will say the samethngs and that often the guilty are better at it. So again hold back a chunk of yourself in a wait and see attitude.

 

Passing thought: why is she unstable, if she really is. Has she already been a victim of CSA? The thing about predators is they seem to have a built in radar for identifying damaged people that can be exploited.

Edited May 11, 2016 by Jersey born raised

[Robert]

We'll close this up pending the thread-starter's return. They can request more feedback by alerting moderation via the 'Alert Us' button.

 

Thanks,

~6