joemarriage Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 Not sure if right place for this Gf and I broke up about a month ago. Since our breakup her son has been Having some serious problems. He is 9. I have been the father figure in his life since he was 3. His dad is a piece of work, drug addict and alcoholic just got sentence to 120 days in LA county jail. Any ways. I work the type of job that requires about 15-20 hours of work a week and work out of my house. I talked to her tonight and she doesn't know what to do. He has started wetting the bed and being extremely defiant to her and acting out at school. Since the breakup I have only seen him once, it was my sons birthday, they are the same age and are like brothers. Here's my question. I offered to continue to be his father figure. Even offering to still watch him after school and this summer. Am I an idiot? I know boys need a strong male in their lives and I feel if I walked away I would be the second man to walk out of his life. She has declined to allow this to happen. I explained that is not about her and I, it's about him and what he needs and it's not fair to him that his parents cannot be adult enough to figure out how to be adults.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 It is pretty much a moot point if his mother doesn't agree, but for what is worth I think it was an incredibly kind and loving gesture to make. Perhaps just leave the offer there on the table if she changes her mind, even a small amount of contact might help the little guy. I can only imagine how difficult and confusing it must be for a nine year old to no longer have you in his life. I hope it works out.
Lawislife Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 Seems like this little fella is attached to you and it's really hard for him to let go you should be proud of yourself honestly you seem like a genuine man. You have 2 Options Option 1: You go NC with the kid and your ex it would effect the kid a lot but time heals everything. Option 2: You can spend more time with the kid which will make him feel like he is loved by a man that's not an alcoholic and on drugs and someone that support and also maybe things may work between you and your ex in the future. Stay Safe.
Author joemarriage Posted May 9, 2016 Author Posted May 9, 2016 I left the offer on the table. I'm not sure if either way is the right thing. I could walk away and be over it all or still be in his life. It affects my son as well. It is true that time heals all. Why can't life just be simple. lol
Author joemarriage Posted May 12, 2016 Author Posted May 12, 2016 Today talked to xgf. She has decided that it is a good idea for me and my kids to stay I her sons life. She is a little worried that I am doing it for the wrong reasons. I explained to her that a kid is only a kid for so long. Seeing two men leave his life is not fair to him in any way. I feel teaching him that running away is not very "adult" like. I want him to see that a man does not have to be in his mothers life to be a father figure. I'm not going to lie part of me wants her back. Part of me feels I could walk away and be done with it all. What would that prove and teach a young boy? It is a learning experience for not only him, me, his mom but also my boys. Just because things get tough you don't turn your back. I love her son like one of my own. I sure hope this isn't a huge mistake. I want the best for my third son.
Arieswoman Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 joemarriage, I offered to continue to be his father figure. Even offering to still watch him after school and this summer. Am I an idiot? No, but I wouldn't go there. She's an ex, keep it that way. These are the problems you get when you date people with children. You have already said that part of you wants her back. Now be honest - is keeping contact with her son just a way to stay in her life? IMO you're just storing up problems for the future. If either of you want to date again, how will the new bf/gf feel about this arrangement? I certainly wouldn't be happy abut a guy spending time with an ex's child that wasn't biologically his. The child has had a rough deal, but that's for the parents to sort out, not you.
Cherryz Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 She is the mom. And you are not the father at the end. You cant just go keep contact with the son. Every contact should go true her first. Nice of you to care. But is it really only about the kid? Maybe you can just do what you can, which is just call on holidays and birthdays. Or sent invites when your son have something going on. And let them choose to come or no. Or birthday gifts and cards. This way the kid will know that you ddnt just walk away and left him. But you still care. Im afraid you may be just delaying the reality for this kid by trying to be in his life alot now after the breakup. And at the end still walk out his life. Since its not your kid and you not with the mother anymore. And its good to consider what someone just said, what and how once you start dating and the person know you being in contact with your ex still for someones else child? 1
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