pheebs7 Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 I have recently started seeing a younger guy, i am 24 and he is 18. It's kind of a funny story but he lives in the same building as me, in the apartment across from me. We both moved to this city at the start of this year, both coming from a small town. It started when we decided to have some housewarming drinks one night a couple of months ago and we have been seeing each other ever since. It's pretty casual though, we don't really go out on dates or do anything fancy, usually he will just come over or i will go over there, or sometimes we will go to the beach if the weather is nice. Last week i decided to ask him what was happening between us and if he saw it going anywhere. He told me that he could definitely see us working out as a couple and that he wanted to take the next step ie become boyfriend and girlfriend. I asked him about the age gap and he said it didn't bother him at all. We decided we would give it a shot and just see how it goes. I am having some doubts. I really like him, he is an absolute gentleman, but i just thinking about the future and i am worried that he is just too young. I am scared that he might want to be single somewhere down the track. I've had my single days partying with friends in my early 20's, but what if he wants to experience that too when he gets to that age? My main fear is that when i am ready to settle down, he might not be ready, and that i could just be wasting my time. I still really enjoy going out and having fun, but in moderation. Last weekend he was out until 6am, which doesn't bother me, i still want him to have fun but it does put doubts in my head about how serious he is about this. The other thing is the fact that we haven't been on a proper date yet. Could this just be something convenient for him (living across from each other) that will end once one of us moves? He is talking about getting a big house with his guy friends next year.. I would like to talk to him about this, but i also don't want to freak him out. So i'm not sure what to do.. Has anyone been in a similar situation and has it worked out? Do you think the age difference could be a big problem or am i just over thinking it? Any advice on this would be appreciated! Thanks x
Scarlett.O'hara Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 Yes, you are probably overthinking things a bit if you are expecting a big commitment from a guy who is only eighteen year old. If he is already the staying out till 6am type that is unlikely to change for a few years. If you are looking for some fun for a while then go for it, but if you are already feeling at a point where you want to settle down then this probably isn't the guy for you. My biggest piece of advice would be don't get pregnant. 2
Buddhist Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 Go for it if you want. But keep in mind he's a child. 1
Erik30 Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 You're right to have some doubts, he's too young and probably inexperienced. The 6 year age gap isn't a problem, his age is. He's still growing up, he can't even get a drink. There's a big chance when he moves into that big house with his friends, he'll be going through a "partying phase" while you want to settle down. Maybe you don't go out on real dates because he doesn't know any better. Can't really blame the guy, and you might be his very first girlfriend so he thinks everything will always be fine. He could also change over the next few years since he's only 18. You can go out and have some fun with him, but it's probably best not to think about planning a future with him. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 Oh lordy - an 18 year old teenage boy. Has he even graduated high school yet? And even better, a teenager whose going to rent out what will basically be a FRAT house with his little teenage buddies. I honestly think I'd rather have my eyes poked out with a rusty fork. I'm assuming you haven't been on a 'proper' date yet because this boy doesn't have a car, or his dad won't let him use his? I hate to tell you, but if you think he's NOT bragging to all his little buddies about how he's 'hitting' the 24 year old woman in his apartment complex, you'd be very very wrong. I think the LAST thing on your mind with this kid should be a future. The last. Unless you want to wait around for 10 or more years for him to finally grow up. 3
mikeylo Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 I can't imagine my 18 year old son to date a 24 year old woman! No offense. He is still a child , living at home and will be here for a while. You might be going off the tangent.
d0nnivain Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 The age difference isn't the problem. DH is 5 years younger than me & my dad was 5 years younger then my mom. The problem here is the lifestyle issues. He hasn't gone through that wild phase yet but you know it's coming. If you enjoy his company, by all means date him now but don't think that this is the guy you will marry. He's going to change a lot from 18 through 22. 2
Popsicle Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 My first boyfriend was still in high school (senior) while I ha graduated for a year. This is technically illegal in the US but we were in love and didn't even think about it or care. You seem to be thinking about it though, so maybe it's a bit too much for you.
Methodical Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 It 'can' work, though it's highly doubtful. You have had your wild party days and he is just coming into that phase of his life. He lives at home now, but once he hits the college campus, don't expect him to sit idle. He is going to party while surrounded by lot of girls his own age that are experimenting and experiencing a lifestyle that you have already experienced and if you think he's not going to explore, you are fooling yourself. 1
smackie9 Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 No the problem is....he's a teenager. If he was 20, 21 it wouldn't be an issue because he is an adult. I get that he is doing everything in his power to come off as mature probably because he isn't too successful dating his own age group. What young fella would turn down dating a lady that was actually interested in him?! Eventually the excitement is going to wear off and he will go astray. You two are at different places in your lives, and for most (not all) young dudes, they take longer to mature into anything worth investing in compared to females. Hell he can't even go to the bar with you, or any other kind of age restricted establishment.....plus your friends will think you gone a little cuckoo. Now if you want to just rattle his cage a bit that's fine, he's legal. But anything beyond that I wouldn't bother. 2
Author pheebs7 Posted May 9, 2016 Author Posted May 9, 2016 You're right to have some doubts, he's too young and probably inexperienced. The 6 year age gap isn't a problem, his age is. He's still growing up, he can't even get a drink. There's a big chance when he moves into that big house with his friends, he'll be going through a "partying phase" while you want to settle down. Maybe you don't go out on real dates because he doesn't know any better. Can't really blame the guy, and you might be his very first girlfriend so he thinks everything will always be fine. He could also change over the next few years since he's only 18. You can go out and have some fun with him, but it's probably best not to think about planning a future with him. You're right. i have no issue with the age gap itself, just his age. If he was even say 21-22 i wouldn't give it a second thought.. I know he has had a girlfriend before as he has told me, they were together for 18 months but it was probably just a high school relationship. I also did think about the fact that he will probably change a lot over the next few years.. Seems there's a lot of reasons not to go into this.. 1
Author pheebs7 Posted May 10, 2016 Author Posted May 10, 2016 Thanks for all the advice! I guess to clarify some things.. He doesn't live at home, he lives in the apartment across from me which he rents with one of his friends (the same way i do). He has his own car, a great full time job and he studies by distance, so he is not going off to college. However if he does move into that house there's no way i will continue this. We live in Australia, where the legal drinking age is 18, so yes we can go to a bar together. He will be 19 in a month or so. When i first met him, i had no idea he was 18, he didn't come across as a little boy in any way and it wasn't until a few weeks later i found out his age. I dont necessarily feel that there is an age gap between us, it's only now that i know how old he is that i am worrying about the future. But, i think all of you are right in that i should not think about a future with him. which to me is just pointless dating someone you are unable to plan a future with, and i don't want to wait 10 years..
Scarlett.O'hara Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 It's disappointing, but at least you are still at the stage to back out if want to. Once your feelings for him start to grow it becomes harder and harder to let go.
smackie9 Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 I think if you truly feel you would like to continue into something serious with him, just ask where he is at with his expectations. Maybe he wants to get married in a few years. I know a few of young men that got married at 21, and they are still married, enjoying being fathers to two to three children. You never know. We are just going by what is based on the norm.....he just might be something rare.
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