He broke up with me because he couldn't give me the time I deserved

[violinist_chick21]

Please help me out here, as I'm in so much pain. My boyfriend and I had been dating for a little under 5 months. I was so happy, and so was he. Anyway, during the latter half of this semester, he started getting really busy with school (he's an engineering major, and usually pulls all-nighters in the library). He wasn't able to hang out with me outside of class as much, although we did have one class together. Anyway, Friday night, as he was walking me back to my car after our final exam, everything seemed fine. We were talking and holding hands like we always did. When we got to my car, he got really quiet and then it happened.

 

He said that he was going to be super busy this summer and next semester with schoolwork (taking 21 credits) and grad school applications, and that he didn't think he could be my boyfriend anymore. He said he felt so bad for not being able to hang out with me as much as he wanted to, and that he just "couldn't forgive" himself for doing that to me. When I asked him if it was something I did, he said no, that I was doing everything right and that I was the perfect girlfriend. He just felt awful that he couldn't be the perfect boyfriend to me, and give me the time I deserved. All of this just broke my heart, because I never once felt that he didn't care about me. The entire time, his voice was shaking, and he was sort of gasping in between each sentence.

 

I'm just so upset right now. When I begged him to reconsider, he just said it wasn't fair to me. He said he really liked me, and he wished he didn't have to do this, but he thought it was for the best. He finished by saying we could go back to being friends, and that I could text him anytime. He then said that the timing was against us, and that if the feelings are still there in the future, we could try again. He just didn't know when that time would be. So what do y'all think? I know we weren't together for all that long, but I had a really good feeling about him. I can't explain it. I've talked to family members and a mutual friend, and they've all told me to take his word for it. That he really is super busy. I should also mention that he's from a culture where the men are known to be extreme workaholics who put school/work before everything else. I honestly just want to be there for him in whatever way I can, and I want him back more than anything.

[lana-banana]

I'm so sorry you're hurting; I know what it's like. He ultimately chose to put his career ahead of you and there's nothing you can do to change that. This is very common, especially when people are young.

 

I have some advice I wish I'd been told when I was your age: when someone chooses to let you go, let them. We are all busy at times. We all experience intense stresses. But he ultimately chose to put his studies and personal life ahead of you. At the end of the day, if he'd wanted to be with you, he would be. Unfortunately you need to turn this one loose.

[preraph]

Ah, the old "it's not you, it's me" break up. I'm sorry this came out of the blue for you, but he just decided he wanted his freedom. He does feel guilty because you are a nice person who didn't do anything to deserve it. He just wants his freedom.

 

The good news is you are in the perfect circumstance to find a new boyfriend or just go have fun with your friends. At your stage in life, it's all good and all things are possible, so let him go and enjoy some freedom yourself.

 

Good luck.

[d0nnivain]

It's doubly hard when you feel blindsided by a breakup

 

Whether his reasons are valid to you or us, they are valid to him. All you can do is accept them.

 

The semester is over. You have summer looming. You can live your life & have fun with your friends from home. You will return to campus in the fall with a clean slate & you will probably meet a new guy then.

 

Yes it sucks now but you can't change it. All you can do is accept that it's over & self soothe as you heal.

[BC1980]

First of all, his excuse is pretty lame, and I think you know that his being busy is not the reason. He's just letting you down easy and doesn't want to hurt your feelings (even though they are actually more hurt this way). He probably just doesn't feel strongly enough about you to continue. 5 months is still early enough to bail if he doesn't see this being a long term thing. In that case, it's better that he isn't stringing you along. Probably. . . . he doesn't love you or feel like he might love you. 5 months is usually enough time to feel love or the potential for love.

 

As to your thread title, any reason is a valid breakup reason. That is really subjective, and it depends on the person. What might be valid for me isn't valid for you, ect. Unless there is something really obvious like cheating, the reason is the same. He simply doesn't feel strongly enough to make this long term.

[confuseddddgirl]

if he feels like you deserve better and he himself can't be that better person then just let him go. giving someone your time is probably the most important thing in a relationship and since he is prioritizing his career and especially when you told him you want to be there for him any way you can and he still doesn't want to be with you then he doesn't want to be with you. in experience, theres no way you can change someones mind unless they want to themselves. just work on yourself and once he's seeing that you're focusing on you and he's focusing on himself as well, maybe he'll consider getting back with you.

[bummer]

Talk of staying friends, not having enough time for you, maybe the future, etc are all excuses for a love lost.

 

Like others said, if he wanted you, you would still be together.

 

Instead of continuing contact and pleading which will lead him to keep dropping breadcrumbs out of guilt, try the NC rules and stay strong.

 

You are worth someone who shows you full attention and has time to be your girlfriend as he recommends.

[kztar]

Sweetie, go NC and move on. The semester is or should be almost over so you probably won't have to encounter seeing him outside of class and whatnot, at least not for a while.

 

As many others have said here these are all pretty lame excuses used by young guys. As much as he has to do, if he wanted to be with you, he would there is absolutely no excuse for that. I have had friends who live far away from each other for a period if time, they have really terrible schedules with med, law or nursing schools and they went through it along with their partner.

 

You're better off letting this one go. You're still young so you have a wonderful life ahead of you. I know it hurts but, you will get through this. Hugs