mach3 Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 I'm seeking advice on a situation I'm a bit confused about. I became friends w/ a girl (platonic), Z, through my best friend. In time, we (the three of us) began hanging out regularly with Z's very close knit group of female friends (6 or so). My guy friend and I usually only see the other group of girls when we are with Z, but the other girls are very friendly and accepting. They regularly invite us out and to parties and such. We have a good time together. Recently however, I've developed a crush on one of the girls in the group. Now there's a couple of things going on here. She recently (last year) was engaged and the wedding was called off. I don't know a lot of the details, but I'm sure she was very hurt/upset and did not jump back into the dating game. Moreover, I'm scared that I've already crossed into the murky 'friends' territory. We don't call one another directly, occasionally we talk privately on email, but not much else. I just considered her off limits initally and one day it dawned on me she's quite a girl. I know she likes me, but I'm not sure if she likes me romantically. I've tried to engage her a bit, visited a store she runs, talk privately when we are out in a group, email - but I'm sure it would be confusing for her as well, since I do all of those things w/ Z in a platonic fashion and to some extent the other girls. Making things more difficult - she is pretty shy and conservative, so I doubt she'd take the initiative (though that would be great). And I think, though I'm not sure, my friend Z insinuated to one of the other single girls, that she (not the girl I like) should date me (nothing ever came of it). I'm hesitant to ask her out, because it would be awkward if she said no, or things didn't develop. Moreover, I'm a bit scared, since the other girls are VERY protective of her given what recently happened with the engagement. I'm not sure how they view me (and believe me it's a 'they' thing), since I never really approached them as prospective dating material. And I certainly don't want to damage any friendships, since this is the first group of girls I've really called friends. Any thoughts/advice would be appreciated. We're all in our mid twenties.
Groovy Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 As you get older meeting people is hard. There risks ANYWHERE you meet someone. A neighboor you see all the time may create long standing conflict, a co-worker or student is someone you see all the time may damage a work relationship, the internet is totally hit or miss on whether you get the real deal of who they supposedly are as well as a club, dating someone who is on your sports team may "damage" teamwork and it is a risk and dating a friend of a friend when it may damage relationships. As long as you are considerate and respectful of her there is no reason these people should treat you as anything but a friend. If you get together I would just say you were hesitant on this and want to try no matter what to not let each other affect other people in the group. Yes, there may be problems and it may cost you these friends. But I think it is also hard to be attracted to someone and be a friend around them. I think as you spend more time with her hopefully you will get a feel for her and whether or not to take that gamble. If she seems mature and considerate I do not see a problem. If she seems jealous or spiteful I would avoid it, as great as her other qualities might be. I have been in the same situation myself and choose to go forward with a relationship dependent on whether or not they were able to handle it. I avoided the jealous guy in the group but spent a year dating this happy easygoing guy.
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