BettyLoo Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 I met a guy online several months ago, we've been texting constantly since then, we are a perfect match and he is literally EVERYTHING I've ever wanted in a man. I'm 26 and never been in a relationship before. We've met up a few times and I'm concerned because I'm not 100% attracted to him physically, I don't get googly eyed when he's around and I don't want to make out with him all the time. I like his personality and he's an amazing man but the lack of physical attraction worries me. On the other hand, I'm very indecisive, I hardly ever purchase anything because I go back and forth over whether I need it or not for HOURS, and then if I purchase whatever it may be, I regret it. Am I carrying that over into this relationship? Is my mind tricking me into going back and forth over if this guy is worth it or not, and if I'll regret getting close to him? Also, he's very shy, could that be why I'm not attracted to him at first? Maybe I'm not seeing his full potential right now, should I stick around until he warms up to me? I DO like him as a friend. I hope that made sense, any advice is greatly appreciated!
preraph Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Maybe you're just not ready for a man. My advice to you if you have not already done it, is you need to live alone by yourself supporting yourself and without a roommate for a couple of years, relying only on your own decisions to guide your life. It should help you get over the indecision and waivering, which is reflective of uncertain goals and more importantly faith in yourself as a person. The latter is why I think everyone needs to live on their own for a couple of years because it builds confidence and life skills. If you've already done that, I'd ask if you've ever been excited about a man, one that was really in front of you, not online or some fantasy. 3
Versacehottie Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 I think your indecision is a symptom of your fear. I wonder if you recognize that if you could give him a fair shot? You said you've never had a relationship--what's held you back all this time? 3
smackie9 Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 I met a guy online several months ago, we've been texting constantly since then, we are a perfect match and he is literally EVERYTHING I've ever wanted in a man. I'm 26 and never been in a relationship before. We've met up a few times and I'm concerned because I'm not 100% attracted to him physically, I don't get googly eyed when he's around and I don't want to make out with him all the time. I like his personality and he's an amazing man but the lack of physical attraction worries me. On the other hand, I'm very indecisive, I hardly ever purchase anything because I go back and forth over whether I need it or not for HOURS, and then if I purchase whatever it may be, I regret it. Am I carrying that over into this relationship? Is my mind tricking me into going back and forth over if this guy is worth it or not, and if I'll regret getting close to him? Also, he's very shy, could that be why I'm not attracted to him at first? Maybe I'm not seeing his full potential right now, should I stick around until he warms up to me? I DO like him as a friend. I hope that made sense, any advice is greatly appreciated! Just because he looks good on paper doesn't mean there should also be physical attraction. You have friend zoned him. You can be emotionally attached with out romantic feelings. I have a question. Has there been anyone you had a crush on? A classmate, a celebrity? What was it about them that made you feel all googly eyed and had wet dreams about? Do you come from a strict religious background, and you feel guilty from having those kind of feelings? 1
Author BettyLoo Posted May 8, 2016 Author Posted May 8, 2016 Thanks for the replies guys. I've never pursued relationships because of different things I've been dealing with throughout my life, nothing like abuse or anything like that. Medical things and school, things of that nature, and I've never been the type of person to NEED a relationship, I want one, but I can also stand alone. I can't figure it out, because I think about him constantly, we've flirted back and forth through texting and we've talked about getting closer (not sex) but when I see him in person it's like I'm not with the same person. I'm always wishing I was with him, but when I'm with him I don't feel the same way, if that makes sense. If he behaved like he does texting I have no doubt that I would be 100% attracted to him, but he doesn't act the same at all, that's why I said that about him being shy, should I just give it some time for him to be THAT person? Everything that I've ever had crushes on other people for, he has, that's why this is so confusing. And no, I'm a Christian but I wouldn't say it was strict by any means, and I don't feel guilty (to a degree) for having those thoughts.
Versacehottie Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Thanks for the replies guys. I've never pursued relationships because of different things I've been dealing with throughout my life, nothing like abuse or anything like that. Medical things and school, things of that nature, and I've never been the type of person to NEED a relationship, I want one, but I can also stand alone. I can't figure it out, because I think about him constantly, we've flirted back and forth through texting and we've talked about getting closer (not sex) but when I see him in person it's like I'm not with the same person. I'm always wishing I was with him, but when I'm with him I don't feel the same way, if that makes sense. If he behaved like he does texting I have no doubt that I would be 100% attracted to him, but he doesn't act the same at all, that's why I said that about him being shy, should I just give it some time for him to be THAT person? Everything that I've ever had crushes on other people for, he has, that's why this is so confusing. And no, I'm a Christian but I wouldn't say it was strict by any means, and I don't feel guilty (to a degree) for having those thoughts. I think be bolder yourself. Part of attraction and chemistry is that you like how you feel yourself and behave yourself when you are with someone who motivates or inspires that. You can often do it in reverse: do the bold behavior (your best, most free self) and find the attraction will follow. Also he will probably open up if you do (in person).
Author BettyLoo Posted May 8, 2016 Author Posted May 8, 2016 I think you're right, I think we're both a little shy and we just kinda clash in person, like neither one of us knows what to do. I will try my best to come out of my shell and hopefully it will bring him out of his as well. Something else I've been thinking about, I've been on BCP to treat high testosterone for about 8 months now. Could this somehow affect the way I'm viewing him (libido and all that)? I was thinking about any other crushes I have and I really can't think of anyone that I'm REALLY attracted to right now. As a matter of fact I haven't had any sexual urges in a while. Have any of you had experience with BCP changing the way you feel about significant others?
preraph Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Thanks for the replies guys. I've never pursued relationships because of different things I've been dealing with throughout my life, nothing like abuse or anything like that. Medical things and school, things of that nature, and I've never been the type of person to NEED a relationship, I want one, but I can also stand alone. I can't figure it out, because I think about him constantly, we've flirted back and forth through texting and we've talked about getting closer (not sex) but when I see him in person it's like I'm not with the same person. I'm always wishing I was with him, but when I'm with him I don't feel the same way, if that makes sense. If he behaved like he does texting I have no doubt that I would be 100% attracted to him, but he doesn't act the same at all, that's why I said that about him being shy, should I just give it some time for him to be THAT person? Everything that I've ever had crushes on other people for, he has, that's why this is so confusing. And no, I'm a Christian but I wouldn't say it was strict by any means, and I don't feel guilty (to a degree) for having those thoughts. That's what online communication does to people. You're not seeing the real person until you can see their spontaneous reactions and hear their spontaneous unplanned-out words and read their body language. The in-person guy is the real guy. The online guy has probably been using tips and tricks he finds online of things to say to women. 2
preraph Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 I think you're right, I think we're both a little shy and we just kinda clash in person, like neither one of us knows what to do. I will try my best to come out of my shell and hopefully it will bring him out of his as well. Something else I've been thinking about, I've been on BCP to treat high testosterone for about 8 months now. Could this somehow affect the way I'm viewing him (libido and all that)? I was thinking about any other crushes I have and I really can't think of anyone that I'm REALLY attracted to right now. As a matter of fact I haven't had any sexual urges in a while. Have any of you had experience with BCP changing the way you feel about significant others? High testosterone makes you more sexual, not less. It's true you may have some hormone imbalance. i don't know what BCP is. Testosterone is given in conjunction with estrogen to negate many side effects of hormones and birth control pills. Just be sure you've had a hormone panel done by someone who knows how to read it, a hormone specialist. A normal OB/gyn doesn't necessarily have those skills, and I was told that by my internal medicine doc. He told me to find someone who doesn't deliver babies because that's often all they stay current on. For my hormone therapy.
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