redornage666 Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Hello. First of all this is my first day/post here and I'm glad to meet you all.I apologize in advance for my grammar mistakes as I'm not a native speaker. So I'm going to try to make the story as short as I possibly can : I met this dude in November. He's a really tall guy, handsome, incredibly smart and sharpen minded. We kept texting minutes after minutes, hours after hours, days after days.We were so connected, we have so many things in common, same principles, same morals, same habits, same everything. We decided to meet, I was literally in Heaven.I just cannot explain how much he attracted me.He was so caring, I was everything for him, I told him about my anxiety and depression issues and he cared, he understood, he was there for me, he would ask me if it's okay with the place we're at due to many people being present. He's a 10/10 in my opinion with such a nice personality.I felt like God has finally listened to me and made my wish come true. At the dates he would push me, jokingly punch my shoulder, pinch me...Fast forward the violence escalated...He slapped me until I started to cry and didn't stop even though my tears were running down my face for making a mistake(which I made to do him a favor)...that was at his place but he's violent in public too. It's sad because he blamed ME for his behavior and I started to feel guilty...I tried to tell him his behavior is not okay but he was in complete denial... The relationship went downhill, he started to act cold, wouldn't say "I love you" anymore, would act suspicious, would hide things away from me, would tell me to find someone else when I told him we need to fix things in order to make the relationship work, wouldn't care if I said "we're through" and stuff like that. It hurt me so much to see how easily he cut me off from his life, how easily he gave up on me and I loved him and I still do as a dummy I am. My depression got worse and I threatened I'll overdose because he left me(I didn't want to force him to stay with me, just to show him how much he hurt me for breaking up with me when I was in love with him)...and I deeply apologize, I would go back in time and keep my mouth shut, I wouldn't be so suspicious even though I had STRONG evidence of him hiding things from me and trust me on this one, I would give parts of me so I can be with him... Fast forward again he said he couldn't see me as a girlfriend...it hurt me so much to see being friend-zoned like that when I was in love with him....Why would he do that to me? I didn't cheat on him, things went downhill when I, ironically, was feeling so great. So we were friends, we were actually good friends, he told me I still have a SMALL chance of getting back with him...so one night I asked him if my chances grew....I was shocked to find out that he was lying about us getting back together again...I was a roller coaster of emotions and suffering. So after a week of no contact I decided to text him and ask him if he's okay...he told me NOT to text him ever again, he says that he doesn't want me anymore in his life, he says that we will never ever be together again. He blocked me.I'm in so much pain, how can people get rid of me so easily? I can't get my mind off of him...will he feel guilty for blocking me? Do I still have a chance with him? Because I acted needy in the ''only friends'' phase. Shall I just act cold so he'd try to get what he can't have? Or maybe he'll realize what he had just lost ? I need your advice, please. Thank you
LostOnes05 Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 I really hope you're kidding about getting back with someone who beats you. He obviously doesn't care about you. You absolutely need to move on. If he does come back, it will only get worse. If he doesn't respect you, he will continue to hit you until one day he makes a "mistake". Get some therapy and find out why you are so attracted to an abuser...surely you interact with much better guys. I would never hit a woman and it boggles my mind how women proclaim undying love for these kinds of guys. For your own sake get some help please. 1
Zahara Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 He's not your friend. He abused you. He doesn't care or love you. So, he doesn't see you as a loss. He sees you as a weak and submissive woman. He's on to his next victim. You're idealizing him based on the guy you initially met. That guy was a facade, a fake. He presented himself to be this great, charming guy to rope you in. Then when he had you, his TRUE nature revealed itself. ABUSER. Forget about his good looks -- you're probably caught up in the superficiality of it too. Block him from ever contacting you. Heal yourself from this. 1
sowhynot Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 (edited) You really need to take off the deep rose tinted spectacles on this one. Doesn't matter how tall, handsome, smart etc, in my book he's a Grade 1 as%hole for getting even remotely violent with you. And a control freak (probably a better term out there) for twisting it around to make it seem like it was YOUR fault. Please, do me and yourself a BIG favor - see this jerk for what he is, block every means of him contacting you ever again and go and find someone else who is nice and deserves you. To add - I also think you need to seek help with your depression especially if it's making you feel suicidal. It's really not a good idea to need someone else to pull you out of it - especially if that person doesn't care two hoots for you. Edited May 8, 2016 by sowhynot Added a paragraph. . . 1
Marco Valerio Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Listen carefully dear girl , you do NOT go back to him. He should be reported to the police for hitting you . There's no way violence is accepted in a relationship. There's someone far more better out there for you.
Author redornage666 Posted May 11, 2016 Author Posted May 11, 2016 I found a way to message him We fought over the phone I tell him to think positively He tells me he will call me few times a week 2 days later he calls me Asks me about me, my family, my life, my health He seems nice and friendly I'm still blocked Why is he doing this if he told me he has no feelings for me? Shall I play hard to get so he'll enjoy the hunt ? What can I do ?
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2016 Posted May 11, 2016 What you can do is get some therapy. This man is DANGEROUS. He hit you. He physically abused you. Getting him out of your life should be your # 1 priority. What you had with him was the furthest thing from love but you need to learn why you can't see this. Until you learn the difference between love & abuse, I fear you will end up DEAD. Please, please run away from this guy toward the nearest mental health professional.
DevotedBaker54 Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 I found a way to message him We fought over the phone I tell him to think positively He tells me he will call me few times a week 2 days later he calls me Asks me about me, my family, my life, my health He seems nice and friendly I'm still blocked Why is he doing this if he told me he has no feelings for me? Shall I play hard to get so he'll enjoy the hunt ? What can I do ? You deserve better than someone who plays games with you. He abuses you and a man who loves you would never hit you. It sounds like he's emotionally abusing you too (leading you on, saying it's your fault for the abuse, telling you when you should contact him). Is there a counselor or therapist you could talk to? Maybe getting their opinion and advice can help you. I hope you find a man (not this one) who RESPECTS you and who treats you like a princess. Until then, stay away from any man who abuses you! You've only got one life, spend it with someone who loves you.
Miss99 Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 I am sorry but he sounds like he has mental issues. Def Bipolar and that is no laughing matter. Once he slapped you you should have been gone!!! You do not do that to someone you love. get out now and look for someone who will love and cherish you the way you deserve !!!!!!!!
PinkElephants Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 Shall I play hard to get so he'll enjoy the hunt ? You're not hard to get. You're waiting for him to come back and he knows it. There's no hunt, no thrill, he's just keeping you in your place until he decides to bother with you again. Fast forward again he said he couldn't see me as a girlfriend...it hurt me so much to see being friend-zoned like that when I was in love with him....Why would he do that to me? I didn't cheat on him, things went downhill when I, ironically, was feeling so great. Why would he do it? Because you're feeling so great. This toxicity depends on you being off balance, unable to assert yourself and completely under his control. If you feel good then something is wrong and he has to do something to let you know that you mean nothing to him. He's keeping you powerless and terrified of losing him so you'll put up with his beatings, lies, cheating, and other abuse without complaint. I can't get my mind off of him...will he feel guilty for blocking me? Nope. It's all part of the power play. Do I still have a chance with him? Of course. He'll be back when he thinks you're ready to submit and degrade yourself even more. Shall I just act cold so he'd try to get what he can't have? Not going to work. He knows you have no backbone, no self-respect and that you'll go crawling back. He knows he doesn't have to try to get you; you'll accept anything. Or maybe he'll realize what he had just lost ? Nope. He didn't lose you. how can people get rid of me so easily? Who else got rid of you? What happened to you that makes you think that being beaten and cheated on is acceptable? What can I do ? Get therapy and move on. 1
smudge21 Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 I got as far as reading how this 10/10 guy beat you and that was it for me. Why on earth would you want this coward in your life? Exactly what is so special about him that makes you want to put up with the violence just to have him in your life? Looking back when you were a kid and you thought of the perfect life, did it involve physical and mental abuse? You clearly came here wanting to find a way to get this scum back in your life... well that 'aint gonna' happen here. No one, not one single person in this forum would ever tell you to take this piece of sh*t back. If anything, he should be in prison but I would suspect he's probably using someone else as his live in breating punch bag. You can do so much better but you need to see him for the scum he is and let go. You should feel loved and wanted in a relationship, not crying and scared!
ConfusedCloud Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 You should consider it a blessing that he blocked you. He beat you. What part of that are you not comprehending? That is more than "not okay", more like "he should go to jail for physical assault". He did you a favor for blocking you. You're lucky he didn't try to harass you further. Do not ever contact him again. Don't hope he comes back. You need to have better self esteem. You're pining for a guy who beats you and you want him to come back to you. Its actually kind of pathetic the way you're hoping for him to suddenly realize he loves you. I don't mean to sound harsh...but are you serious? Wake up. Don't ever let another man assault you or hurt you physically. You need to ask yourself why you think its acceptable that you allow these types of men to be your boyfriend.
KatZee Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 This guy sounds like the most horrible person... I'm truly confused as to what you see in him. Everything you fell in love with, was fake. You don't love an actual person, you love the idea he gave you about himself. He preyed on you 100%. Abusers go for weak, broken, and needy people. When you proved to be too much work and "drama," he cut you off. 1. Don't open up about personal issues so early on. 2. Don't ever threaten suicide again, its manipulation. 3. Don't stay with abusers, mental or physical. This guy is both. 4. Get into counseling and work on yourself before you get into another relationship.
Author redornage666 Posted May 12, 2016 Author Posted May 12, 2016 I really hope you're kidding about getting back with someone who beats you. He obviously doesn't care about you. You absolutely need to move on. If he does come back, it will only get worse. If he doesn't respect you, he will continue to hit you until one day he makes a "mistake". Get some therapy and find out why you are so attracted to an abuser...surely you interact with much better guys. I would never hit a woman and it boggles my mind how women proclaim undying love for these kinds of guys. For your own sake get some help please. I'm not kidding.I love him more than I love myself, I love him more than everything in this world, he's my only anything and I know it sounds sad .When we were together he cared about me more than himself.It's hard to move on when he's my everything .If he does come back(which I doubt), I'll make sure I won't show him I'm suicidal and if he's violent again I'll force him into therapy together...I fell in love with the image of his, that's my biggest mistake : I fall in love with the image of people not the person itself. He's not your friend. He abused you. He doesn't care or love you. So, he doesn't see you as a loss. He sees you as a weak and submissive woman. He's on to his next victim. You're idealizing him based on the guy you initially met. That guy was a facade, a fake. He presented himself to be this great, charming guy to rope you in. Then when he had you, his TRUE nature revealed itself. ABUSER. Forget about his good looks -- you're probably caught up in the superficiality of it too. Block him from ever contacting you. Heal yourself from this. I'm pretty sure he has ASPD(antisocial personality disorder).I was depressed and hurt so he decided to left me.That clearly doesn't help, he didn't care about that.Yes, I fell in love with the guy I initially met and it's sad that I'm stuck with that image.I think after he had me he could show his true self because he knew I wouldn't say a thing. You really need to take off the deep rose tinted spectacles on this one. Doesn't matter how tall, handsome, smart etc, in my book he's a Grade 1 as%hole for getting even remotely violent with you. And a control freak (probably a better term out there) for twisting it around to make it seem like it was YOUR fault. Please, do me and yourself a BIG favor - see this jerk for what he is, block every means of him contacting you ever again and go and find someone else who is nice and deserves you. To add - I also think you need to seek help with your depression especially if it's making you feel suicidal. It's really not a good idea to need someone else to pull you out of it - especially if that person doesn't care two hoots for you. It sad because that day I worked my arse off FOR HIM but he didn't care and hit me...It was an impulsive act of his.And I'm afraid I get into real trouble if I annoy him very hard. Listen carefully dear girl , you do NOT go back to him. He should be reported to the police for hitting you . There's no way violence is accepted in a relationship. There's someone far more better out there for you. I wish somebody would just pop up in my life and take me and my mind away from this guy....I would definitely forget him. What you can do is get some therapy. This man is DANGEROUS. He hit you. He physically abused you. Getting him out of your life should be your # 1 priority. What you had with him was the furthest thing from love but you need to learn why you can't see this. Until you learn the difference between love & abuse, I fear you will end up DEAD. Please, please run away from this guy toward the nearest mental health professional. I'm in therapy + medication.He's in denial about his violence, I am NOT in denial about my depression.There's a big difference.He blocked me now and we won't get in contact again because if he keeps calling me I'm getting more and more attached and I hate these ''bread crumbs'' of his. I want to change him through therapy, I love him with all my being, all my soul I know it's hard but that's just how I feel. You deserve better than someone who plays games with you. He abuses you and a man who loves you would never hit you. It sounds like he's emotionally abusing you too (leading you on, saying it's your fault for the abuse, telling you when you should contact him). Is there a counselor or therapist you could talk to? Maybe getting their opinion and advice can help you. I hope you find a man (not this one) who RESPECTS you and who treats you like a princess. Until then, stay away from any man who abuses you! You've only got one life, spend it with someone who loves you. I wish that ''better one'' would just appear from nowhere..I'm afraid I won't find anyone who's that nice, honest and caring(at least at the beginning). I am sorry but he sounds like he has mental issues. Def Bipolar and that is no laughing matter. Once he slapped you you should have been gone!!! You do not do that to someone you love. get out now and look for someone who will love and cherish you the way you deserve !!!!!!!! I'm usually the one who cherish the guys not the other way around, even though I miss and carve kisses, cuddles and sweet things said to me. You're not hard to get. You're waiting for him to come back and he knows it. There's no hunt, no thrill, he's just keeping you in your place until he decides to bother with you again. Why would he do it? Because you're feeling so great. This toxicity depends on you being off balance, unable to assert yourself and completely under his control. If you feel good then something is wrong and he has to do something to let you know that you mean nothing to him. He's keeping you powerless and terrified of losing him so you'll put up with his beatings, lies, cheating, and other abuse without complaint. Nope. It's all part of the power play. Of course. He'll be back when he thinks you're ready to submit and degrade yourself even more. Not going to work. He knows you have no backbone, no self-respect and that you'll go crawling back. He knows he doesn't have to try to get you; you'll accept anything. Nope. He didn't lose you. Who else got rid of you? What happened to you that makes you think that being beaten and cheated on is acceptable? Get therapy and move on. You should consider it a blessing that he blocked you. He beat you. What part of that are you not comprehending? That is more than "not okay", more like "he should go to jail for physical assault". He did you a favor for blocking you. You're lucky he didn't try to harass you further. Do not ever contact him again. Don't hope he comes back. You need to have better self esteem. You're pining for a guy who beats you and you want him to come back to you. Its actually kind of pathetic the way you're hoping for him to suddenly realize he loves you. I don't mean to sound harsh...but are you serious? Wake up. Don't ever let another man assault you or hurt you physically. You need to ask yourself why you think its acceptable that you allow these types of men to be your boyfriend. This guy sounds like the most horrible person... I'm truly confused as to what you see in him. Everything you fell in love with, was fake. You don't love an actual person, you love the idea he gave you about himself. He preyed on you 100%. Abusers go for weak, broken, and needy people. When you proved to be too much work and "drama," he cut you off. 1. Don't open up about personal issues so early on. 2. Don't ever threaten suicide again, its manipulation. 3. Don't stay with abusers, mental or physical. This guy is both. 4. Get into counseling and work on yourself before you get into another relationship. Uhm, I called him yesterday night, he didn't pick up, he called me 10 minutes later, the connection was poor so I asked him politely to repeat and he repeated with an angry and shout tone this happened several times.After that we both agree we should STOP contacting each other because it's no good in that.I told him I'm ready to work on every possible issue(even his violence through therapy).Probably me suicidal pushed him away, this is what he said maybe it's only my fault...He said he cares for me, my family, my medication and everything, wished me good and he'll think about me every day and reconsider coming back but he doesn't know when.I know I should have told him to not come back but I can't I love him...I feel bitter jealousy that he can date other people when I have feelings for him I wonder if/when he comes back.
Zahara Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 (edited) I know I should have told him to not come back but I can't I love him...I feel bitter jealousy that he can date other people when I have feelings for him I wonder if/when he comes back. You don't love him. You are dependent on him. Your self-esteem is broken and you are desperate for love and attention, even if it comes in the form of abuse. Anything is better than nothing. Even if you get a few teeth knocked out, as long as you have someone to cling to. There's nothing to love about someone who beats you. Anyone who loves an abuser is severely messed up in the head. My father used to beat my mother and I. She was submissive and weak like you. Staying because she "loved" him. Making excuses for him. Taking all the blame whenever he beat her. If only I shut my mouth, if only I didn't make him angry, if only I did what he told me to, etc. 46 years of marriage and now in her 70s, she regrets ever being with my father. She wasted her life. She's a broken woman. And when she did speak up or stand up for herself, he was full of promises of change -- unfortunately, he always went back to his ways. The sad part about it all is that she will never know what it feels like to be in a loving and caring relationship. And to this day her mind is all twisted -- sometimes still making excuses for him. Abusers don't change. This isn't love you speak about. You're weak, submissive and willing to accept abuse -- because you believe YOU DON'T DESERVE BETTER. Love has no place in an abusive situation. He doesn't love you. What he loves is the control and dominance he has over another. If this is the life you choose for yourself, then that is your choice. But don't you ever bring children into this situation. It's one thing to ruin your own life, but don't you dare cast that upon another. I hope you get out of your "love" fog and see this monster for who he is. Edited May 12, 2016 by Zahara 2
stillafool Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 I found a way to message him We fought over the phone I tell him to think positively He tells me he will call me few times a week 2 days later he calls me Asks me about me, my family, my life, my health He seems nice and friendly I'm still blocked Why is he doing this if he told me he has no feelings for me? Shall I play hard to get so he'll enjoy the hunt ? What can I do ? He doesn't have any feelings for you. You contacted him he didn't contact you even after he told you he didn't want you. Leave this man alone. He has told you to move on and that's what you should be doing instead of chasing a man who doesn't want you.
PinkElephants Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 I'm ready to work on every possible issue(even his violence through therapy). There are certain things that should be automatic dealbreakers and abuse is one of them. This isn't something that you should be willing to work out because he's deliberately threatening your life and happiness. That's not love. if he's violent again I'll force him into therapy together...I fell in love with the image of his, that's my biggest mistake : I fall in love with the image of people not the person itself I want to change him through therapy, I love him with all my being, all my soul I know it's hard but that's just how I feel. You can't force him into therapy and you definitely can't change him. To think that you have any power over this guy is false hope. People change when they have a compelling reason to. In order for him to change his violent behavior there must be massive motivation. You are not that motivation. He's already shown you again and again that your well-being is neither a concern nor a priority for him. he'll think about me every day and reconsider coming back This should NOT be his choice. I wish somebody would just pop up in my life and take me and my mind away from this guy....I would definitely forget him. I wish that ''better one'' would just appear from nowhere..I'm afraid I won't find anyone who's that nice, honest and caring(at least at the beginning). This would be a bad idea until you figure out why you fell for this guy. You're likely to repeat your mistake unless you understand why you made this one in the first place. Plus, a better guy won't just magically show up. You have to raise your standards and demand better from the start. You have to be willing to walk away and they have to know that you respect yourself. People treat you how at the standard that you accept, not better. Until you demand better you'll keep getting treated like a disposable object. I'm usually the one who cherish the guys not the other way around, even though I miss and carve kisses, cuddles and sweet things said to me. I'm not kidding.I love him more than I love myself, I love him more than everything in this world, he's my only anything and I know it sounds sad . We all want what you want. We all want to be cherished, loved, appreciated, looked after. So why are you desperate for a man who does none of that? Relationships are meant to enhance our lives. They should be sources of comfort, stability and love for us whether the context is friendship, romantic, familial or something else. This guy offers nothing but instability and abuse. What does the rest of your life look like? You say you crave affection, you have nothing in your life and people leave you easily. Who else left you? Do you have a job or friends? Have you accomplished anything that is a source of self-esteem? I wish I could give you a hug. You remind me of a friend of mine. Her mom is dead, her dad is nuts, her uncle tries to take her money. She has no one, never finished college, her job is menial. She continues to date men who cheat on her, refuse to marry her, use her, and generally treat her badly and she accepts it because she's desperate not to be alone. She would rather take care of the affair babies her boyfriends have than be alone because the adults in her life abandoned her in some way. She craves the fairytale just like you. She dreams of being treated well and having the wedding and kids but it's not going to happen because her desperation prevents her from making good choices. I hope you don't end up like her.
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