I love her but it's way too soon

[sghffdmc]

For starters, we have only been seeing each other for five weeks. But this has been so much different than any other relationship or dating experience I've been a part of.

 

First of all, we are exclusive and boyfriend/girlfriend. That has already been discussed.

 

Also, we have not slept together. I think we both have had instances in the past where we moved too quickly physically and that ended in flames that went out pretty quickly.

 

But just through getting to know this girl and spending countless hours with her over the last month, I can not only say she's the greatest girl I've yet to meet in my life, but she's one of the greatest human beings I've ever met in general.

 

Our connection is incredible and I love everything about her, though I'll spare you all the mushy details. I always thought this was just a corny saying from movies and literature, but when I look at her she truly takes my breath away and my heart stops for just a brief second.

 

And with that being said, every time I see her the more I want to tell her how I feel. Not because I want to sleep with her or because I'm worried about her looking elsewhere, but simply because I've never felt anything this strong inside me and it's incredibly difficult to keep it in.

 

Truthfully, I'm pretty sure she feels the same. My reasoning for that is because we have been on the same page with every single aspect of our relationship thus far, and whenever I've been afraid to express something, she has greeted it with reciprocating that expression without any hesitancy at all.

 

On top of that, we have both begun to express those three words in basically any other way than saying them specifically. Gradually intensifying our compliments of each other, even going so far as saying "I love this, that about you..."

 

This entire experience has been so perfect, however, and I absolutely see a future with this girl, so the last thing I want to do is blurt this out and ruin what's going so well. And even though I'm confident she feels the same, you can never really know until the words actually come out.

 

I understand this post may seem like I'm trying to justify my feelings about her to you all, but I'm not. Truthfully, I think more than anything I have needed to say/write this to someone, anyone, as I have yet to tell anyone in my life how I feel about her.

 

I guess the last bit of my post would be asking if anyone has ever felt this way, and what they ultimately decided to do. Did you just spit it out? Or did you wait until you felt it was more appropriate to express it? If so, how did you manage/what techniques did you use to suppress that urge to say it when you were with that person?

 

Thanks everyone.

Edited May 8, 2016 by sghffdmc
wrong word

[d0nnivain]

You are feeling it & it's not just an off-shoot of sex. You've hedged. You may as well say it because otherwise it will slip out in an unguarded moment.

 

 

That said, take the rest of it slow & steady. Follow conventional wisdom about keeping a least a day a week to yourself for laundry, shopping etc. Don't make each other the centers of your lives. Wait at least a year or more before you even start having discussions about living together, marriage or kids.

[sghffdmc]

You are feeling it & it's not just an off-shoot of sex. You've hedged. You may as well say it because otherwise it will slip out in an unguarded moment.

 

 

That said, take the rest of it slow & steady. Follow conventional wisdom about keeping a least a day a week to yourself for laundry, shopping etc. Don't make each other the centers of your lives. Wait at least a year or more before you even start having discussions about living together, marriage or kids.

 

Yeah, the good thing is we have been pretty good about not spending every moment together. I have definitely been guilty of that in the past.

 

But she currently lives about 20 minutes away from me, so we see each other probably 2 or 3 days per week and then of course spend most of our weekends together.

[RedPurpleOrange]

Yeah I've felt it. With two people. They both ended up going pear-shaped but they still love me and I still love them.

 

 

Just protect yourself and don't go too gooey. She'll end up reciprocating at some point. But if she doesn't, your gooeyness might try and take over. Don't let it.

 

 

But I really hope things work out for you. I'm a hopeless romantic myself.

[preraph]

You mentioned you've been together 5 weeks and it sounded to me like you had not had sex. Is that right? Did you just mean you don't want to just say I love you to get to have sex again? If you have not had sex, is it because you're teenagers, which would be perfectly normal? How old are you and her? Do you two kiss and make out every time you're together? Or is this someone who may think you're just a friend? I need some answers, please.

[sghffdmc]

You mentioned you've been together 5 weeks and it sounded to me like you had not had sex. Is that right? Did you just mean you don't want to just say I love you to get to have sex again? If you have not had sex, is it because you're teenagers, which would be perfectly normal? How old are you and her? Do you two kiss and make out every time you're together? Or is this someone who may think you're just a friend? I need some answers, please.

 

We have not had sex.

 

What I meant is, my reasoning for telling her I love her would not be just to get into her pants.

 

We are 25 and 24 years old and neither of us are virgins. I've dated several girls and have had two relationships over 2 years, including one that I lived with for over a year.

 

We are intimate in other ways, but we just have not had sex yet. She definitely does not view me as just a friend. We introduce each other to friends (and family, just met her parents this weekend) as boyfriend/girlfriend, the relationship is on FB, etc.

 

Don't get me wrong, we are definitely going to have sex and I'd be willing to bet it's going to be very soon. We aren't planning on waiting until we get married, laying out strict guidelines or anything like that.

 

We just wanted to build a real connection without the physical complications and we both share the belief that sex is better when you share a connection like that.

[mrldii]

I'm not seeing a problem, OP. It reads like you've found - and are experiencing - what most normal, healthy, well-adjusted adults strive to find and feel.

 

One of you is going to be the first to *screw up* and finally say those *dreaded* 3-little-words. Reads like whoever does, the other will be oh-so-happy to hear it and grateful that the cat's finally out of the bag.

 

 

Congrats and best of luck to you, OP!!!

[preraph]

We have not had sex.

 

What I meant is, my reasoning for telling her I love her would not be just to get into her pants.

 

We are 25 and 24 years old and neither of us are virgins. I've dated several girls and have had two relationships over 2 years, including one that I lived with for over a year.

 

We are intimate in other ways, but we just have not had sex yet. She definitely does not view me as just a friend. We introduce each other to friends (and family, just met her parents this weekend) as boyfriend/girlfriend, the relationship is on FB, etc.

 

Don't get me wrong, we are definitely going to have sex and I'd be willing to bet it's going to be very soon. We aren't planning on waiting until we get married, laying out strict guidelines or anything like that.

 

We just wanted to build a real connection without the physical complications and we both share the belief that sex is better when you share a connection like that.

 

Thanks. So sorry to get specific, but are you kissing each time you see each other? You said you get intimate, and I don't want physical details, but "intimate" can mean emotionally intimate. If you're kissing and making out regularly, then I know you're both on the same page, that's all.

 

If you're making out regularly and calling each other girlfriend/boyfriend, yes, 5 weeks is early, but you might give yourself a timeline, say 3 months, and if you still feel the same about each other (can't really know someone in 5 weeks -- they're on their best behavior --and may still be in 3 months) then maybe you tell yourself, that's when you say I love you and ramp up a small step in commitment. Of course saying "I love you" without ramping up commitment is not a binding agreement and so you always have the option to just say it and hope it doesn't scare her. But if there's any doubt in your mind that it might be too soon for her, don't say it until you're fairly sure she is ready for more commitment.

[sghffdmc]

Thanks. So sorry to get specific, but are you kissing each time you see each other? You said you get intimate, and I don't want physical details, but "intimate" can mean emotionally intimate. If you're kissing and making out regularly, then I know you're both on the same page, that's all.

 

If you're making out regularly and calling each other girlfriend/boyfriend, yes, 5 weeks is early, but you might give yourself a timeline, say 3 months, and if you still feel the same about each other (can't really know someone in 5 weeks -- they're on their best behavior --and may still be in 3 months) then maybe you tell yourself, that's when you say I love you and ramp up a small step in commitment. Of course saying "I love you" without ramping up commitment is not a binding agreement and so you always have the option to just say it and hope it doesn't scare her. But if there's any doubt in your mind that it might be too soon for her, don't say it until you're fairly sure she is ready for more commitment.

 

Yes, our alone time includes plenty of make out sessions and often saying how badly we want to take the next step physically. That's why I know it's going to happen soon, it's only a matter of time before we can't control ourselves in the moment and the relationship becomes physical.

 

We actually just had that conversation last night. We don't want to do anything like saying, "ok we will have sex three weeks from now". I think when it feels right, we're both going to know it.

Edited May 8, 2016 by sghffdmc
quotes

[RecentChange]

My guy and I fell head over heels for each other fairly instantly - it was about 5 weeks in that he looked at me nervously - and said "I love you". (Granted we had been F'ing like rabbits the while time)

 

I kissed him and misty eyed declared that I loved him too!

 

I remember him saying that he was scared to tell me. That it was too early and for sure he thought I would think he was crazy....

 

That was almost 15 years ago. Sometimes it just happens fast. Personally I ignore the "rules" - we are all individuals, and what is "right" for some, doesn't work for others.

 

Follow your heart. I think if not "abiding by the rules" ruins things, it probably wasn't meant to be.

[preraph]

Yes, our alone time includes plenty of make out sessions and often saying how badly we want to take the next step physically. That's why I know it's going to happen soon, it's only a matter of time before we can't control ourselves in the moment and the relationship becomes physical.

 

We actually just had that conversation last night. We don't want to do anything like saying, "ok we will have sex three weeks from now". I think when it feels right, we're both going to know it.

 

I would say relax and enjoy the ride, then. I think you both know how you feel, and it's probably not necessary to put it into words. Have fun! Ah, to be young and in love.

[sghffdmc]

Thanks for the advice everyone, I sincerely appreciate it.

 

We were together last night and I literally felt like I was going to explode I wanted to say it so bad. We have a nice date planned for Wednesday evening, so I think I'll just go ahead and spit it out then.

 

I'm not sure I can hold it in any longer!

[d0nnivain]

, it's only a matter of time before we can't control ourselves in the moment and the relationship becomes physical.

 

 

Because you have taken the time to wait to have sex, perhaps only doing it when you can no longer control yourself is not the best approach. Instead, make a plan to make it special with candle light, romantic music planned in advance.

[preraph]

You could buy her a little necklace with a heart if you have any spare cash.

[sghffdmc]

Well, I went ahead and spit it out last night. We were lying on the couch, lost in conversation with the TV off as we so often spend our nights together.

 

It eventually came out, and although she didn't say it back, it went just about as well as it could have without her saying she loved me too.

 

She teared up, looked me in the eyes and kissed me before eventually saying, "I feel it too, I just need time for my brain to catch up with my heart before I feel comfortable saying it. But believe me, I feel it."

 

I told her I completely understand as I know it's soon and my biggest fear was her either being scared off, or feeling pressured to say it back.

 

She said that wasn't the case and she wanted to say it back so badly, and that she doesn't mind at all if I continue to tell her even though she hasn't said it back to me yet. As a matter of fact, she said "I love hearing you say it."

 

She also said it was obvious the last few days that I had wanted to say it. Haha

 

Needless to say, I feel extremely relieved after having got that off my chest, as well as knowing she's either right there with me or not far behind, and that she'll likely be there very soon.

 

Thanks for the advice again everyone, I really do appreciate it. (:

[RecentChange]

Awwwwe well best of luck to you two - I like the honesty shared on both sides.

 

This stuff is scary! Exhilarating and wonderful.