foxes2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 I'll keep this as short as i can but guys i'm really in need of help here. It's confusing, please don't tell me to move on because i don't want to. Here goes.. We met on tinder over a month ago moved to texting, she has flaked on me 3 times, every time she would offer a reschedule herself and tell me what days she are free, mid-way through this saga we stopped chatting so i just kept it direct and invited her to group outings she would reply every time and say she is busy. In between all this other than that one time i got ignored we chat really well, really long all day every day. Eventually she told me it was a bad time and she didn't want to go out. I responded sympathizing with her, complimenting her etc then she responded back saying she was thankful for what i said, and we can meet up by the end of the month and she really wants to. This is where my real question is, she told me she really wanted to see me before yet she flakes and keeps on saying what about next week or something, now this again saying once she has a little less stress. Am i being used as a backup? It makes sense now that i think about it, since the first proposed date over a month ago she has always tried to delay things, she updated her dating profile recently also.
basil67 Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 She's stringing you along. What's going on from your side of things? Are your options so low that you'd hang on to someone so flaky? I mean, even if you do finally meet her, you're going to have her being flaky all through the relationship. The writing is on the wall - time to read it. 4
Lois_Griffin Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 I'll keep this as short as i can but guys i'm really in need of help here. It's confusing, please don't tell me to move on because i don't want to. Here goes.. What magic answer do you think we can all provide to make this pitiful situation seem positive when it's not? Honestly, she's SHOWN you - multiple times - that she's NOT romantically interested in you. Not even slightly. We met on tinder over a month ago moved to texting, she has flaked on me 3 times, every time she would offer a reschedule herself and tell me what days she are free, mid-way through this saga we stopped chatting so i just kept it direct and invited her to group outings she would reply every time and say she is busy. I ask this sincerely. How many times does a girl have to stand you up or blow you off before you finally realize that she's not interested in spending time with you? In between all this other than that one time i got ignored we chat really well, really long all day every day. You're a toy to her. Someone who feeds her ego. I'd be willing to bet - since you continually ask her out and she continually turns you down - that you're still flirting with her every day and feeding her ego even though she's all but TOLD you she's not interested in you romantically. She's enjoying the attention of your constant compliments and asking her out. It's NOT rocket science. Eventually she told me it was a bad time and she didn't want to go out. I responded sympathizing with her, complimenting her I was right - she turns you down and you just compliment her some more like a love sick puppy. Sheesh. So she throws you a bone and makes some vague comment about meeting up at the end of the month purely to appease you. How do you not get that this was just a pity suggestion because you seem so needy and eager to see her? She enjoys the flattery and compliments and your constant chasing of her, and she doesn't have to do a darned thing to get it - just make vague suggestions about getting together. You're simply a source of continual ego feeding to her. Am i being used as a backup? It makes sense now that i think about it, since the first proposed date over a month ago she has always tried to delay things, she updated her dating profile recently also. You're not even a backup. You're simply an option. Someone to toy with and keep on the back burner to feed her ego while she looks for someone she IS romantically interested in. I'm sorry, but you're not that person. Since you don't want to move on even though she's clearly shown you - with her ACTIONS - that she's not interested in you romantically, I guess all I can say is...good luck with that. 7
Erik30 Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 She seems to just likes your attention. If she really was into you, you would have already met her since you tried 3 times, and she wouldn't be updating her profile in the meantime. 2
Author foxes2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Author Posted May 8, 2016 (edited) Thank you everyone i read everything and put some thought into what you are saying, i always had all these thoughts you mentioned on the back of my head. Normally after 1 flake i don't put too much effort into it anymore but i just thought this was different. I KNOW i've become a doormat long ago. I was only bothered by one of the flakes, after that i lowered my expectations to pretty much non-existent to avoid disappointment and they still are now in terms of actually meeting her. Everything seems pretty clear right now and it is more than likely if not certain that i'm being played. I was actually going to move on after the 3rd flake but trying to give her the benefit of the doubt @ her saying she is currently stressed (probably me being deluded), i decided (and this is what i mean by saying i don't want to let her go) that i would give her one last chance and if she flakes this time then i will certainly move on. I will take the advice and calm down a little and not make myself too easy even though the damage may have been done already. One thing i don't get is why she would HERSELF offer me reschedules and say she is eager to meet me every time. Edited May 8, 2016 by foxes2016
Arieswoman Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 OP, Please read what you posted, We met on tinder over a month ago moved to texting, she has flaked on me 3 times, every time she would offer a reschedule herself and tell me what days she are free, mid-way through this saga we stopped chatting so i just kept it direct and invited her to group outings she would reply every time and say she is busy. She is playing with you. She is using you to feed her ego. Grow a pair and put a stop to this now. Block, delete, whatever you need to do. Don't have any more contact with her and move on. There are loads of girls out there who want to date you, so go find them ! Good luck x 2
Zahara Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 I was actually going to move on after the 3rd flake but trying to give her the benefit of the doubt @ her saying she is currently stressed (probably me being deluded), i decided (and this is what i mean by saying i don't want to let her go) that i would give her one last chance and if she flakes this time then i will certainly move on. She must be really something for you to keep hanging around someone that keeps pushing you to the side -- you haven't even met. One thing i don't get is why she would HERSELF offer me reschedules and say she is eager to meet me every time. A couple of reasons -- there could be someone in her life that's taking up her attention and she's trying to figure that out with him while keeping you as a backup. Or she's not really interested but just enjoys the attention. 1
mortensorchid Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 It does't matter what website/situation in which you met the person. If you haven't met them after a week or so of communication, you won't meet them. Why? They are treating the communication method (text, email, etc.) like a video game and they are not worth your while. I have met guys on dating websites and some have said either when we actually do meet or through the communication means what they really mean. One said most women he met became texting buddies, another said he was bored and had nothing to do that night which is why he arranged to meet that day. I follow this rule: If you have not heard from him within the first 48 hours of the get together, you won't hear from him again. And even if you do, they have to actually say to you "I want to see you again". If neither things have happened, it's done. When they say things like this, don't bother with them. Don't waste time with time wasters.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 She's dating someone else and when he shows up, she blows you off. You're a back-up. Don't move on if you don't want to, but you're being foolish not to. She's not interested. 1
Versacehottie Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 She's dating someone else and when he shows up, she blows you off. You're a back-up. Don't move on if you don't want to, but you're being foolish not to. She's not interested. Yes my guess is that she is hung up on someone else. And I think she is also continuing to search for someone she is attracted to more than you (that's why she keeps updating the profile). I'm sorry. You know, it could be other things that are not negative toward you as well but the course of action is the same: let her make the next definitive move and if she suggests meeting up, call her out on her flakiness first before you agree to go (you can do it teasingly).
Protec Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 She is not interested. Woman will always, always find time for those who she is imtereste about. Just say to her "sorry, I like you but I have no time for games at this moment" and erase her. You're wasting time.
TheBathWater Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 I'll keep this as short as i can but guys i'm really in need of help here. It's confusing, please don't tell me to move on because i don't want to. Here goes.. We met on tinder over a month ago moved to texting, she has flaked on me 3 times, every time she would offer a reschedule herself and tell me what days she are free, mid-way through this saga we stopped chatting so i just kept it direct and invited her to group outings she would reply every time and say she is busy. In between all this other than that one time i got ignored we chat really well, really long all day every day. Eventually she told me it was a bad time and she didn't want to go out. I responded sympathizing with her, complimenting her etc then she responded back saying she was thankful for what i said, and we can meet up by the end of the month and she really wants to. This is where my real question is, she told me she really wanted to see me before yet she flakes and keeps on saying what about next week or something, now this again saying once she has a little less stress. Am i being used as a backup? It makes sense now that i think about it, since the first proposed date over a month ago she has always tried to delay things, she updated her dating profile recently also. Women will always make time for someone they are interested in. The fact that she hasn't met up with you by now is not promising. Moreover, if she is updating her profile, that suggests she IS looking to meet someone and is available. When taken together, these two things do not suggest she is going to meet up with you. I'm sorry, but I don't feel there is anything more you can do.
Author foxes2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Author Posted May 8, 2016 Thanks guys it is quite saddening..very saddening actually..but the truth, it's the only thing that could explain this behavior.
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