NightsEcho Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Hey fellow LS's Well its been about 3 weeks of NC initiated on my part with my ex-g/f. We were together for 3 1/2 years. She cheated on me, started dating another guy and for all i know she is still with him. We continued to stay in contact for 3 months, contact initiated by both of us. We were going to be friends, but I found it very difficult. I was hoping this was a "phase" (she is 19, me 21) but now i'm not so sure. I would like her to call and really start opening the lines of communication again, but it seems so bleak right now. Any advice on how to get through this. I never treated her bad, never cheated and loved her with my whole heart. Mayve that is why this seems so wrong now. Please guys I need to hear advice or words of encouragement. I feel like I am moving on, but I just wish for once she would say at least sorry for hurting someone she said she loved. Thanks
outdated Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Don't call her. EVER. I know it's easier said than done, but if you want her back, then leave her alone. Trust me.
Author NightsEcho Posted June 21, 2005 Author Posted June 21, 2005 Guess it just feels a little hopeless now I feel like i am almost ready to move on....but something is holding me back...i cant explain it
Author NightsEcho Posted June 21, 2005 Author Posted June 21, 2005 Guess theres not a lot of people who have advise on this one. Maybe the answer is fairly obvious. Can people really just wipe there hands clean, when they acted like such jerks? Outdated, what makes you so sure NC even affects her at all? She probably telling her "new" friends what a jerk i was. Man you think you know someone.
Lonestar Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Continue no contact, but while you're doing that you need to take steps to move on, and that means dating other women. It will be hard at first, and you probably will compare everyone to your ex, but just keep dating. Eventualy you will beging to get over her, and once you really are over her, chances are she'll be knocking at your door again. She will sense you're not pining over her or waiting anymore and she won't like that. It's also possible you may never hear from her again, but calling her will only push her further away. Three weeks is not a long time at all. Stick to your guns.
Author NightsEcho Posted June 21, 2005 Author Posted June 21, 2005 Thank you Lonestar, I guess I know that deep down, I fear losing her forever, or maybe its more a sense of letting her get off "scott-free" Like does she really believe that she can treat people like this with no reprocussions. Maybe this all was wishful thinking, Thanks for the reply.
outdated Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by NightsEcho Outdated, what makes you so sure NC even affects her at all? She probably telling her "new" friends what a jerk i was. Man you think you know someone. It doesn't matter if it affects her. This is about you. You need NC, not her. If she has any self-respect, she will not be telling her new friends that. It makes her look bad, not you. Originally posted by NightsEcho I guess I know that deep down, I fear losing her forever, or maybe its more a sense of letting her get off "scott-free" Like does she really believe that she can treat people like this with no reprocussions. Maybe this all was wishful thinking, Thanks for the reply. People can act very badly, especially towards people they "love". this is no longer your problem. Stick to you NC and heal yourself. Trust me, she's wondering why you aren't calling her, even if she isn't acting on it.
Bellona Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 By all means, hang in there. When you're at the lowest point, you can only begin to climb higher... It seems like some people who act like total douche bags get off scot-free, that's for sure. However, karma reigns and she'll get hers in the end. If she so easily dismissed you--who treated her right for so long, she's gonna do it again and then someday someone will give her a lesson that hits close to home. She'll experience how it feels and it won't be pretty. If you don't feel like dating again (you need time to heal after a relationship that long), focus on yourself. Throw yourself back into what you love, try some new things, make some new friends--just get out there and do anything that'll keep you busy and living. Exert your independence, and she'll take notice. Pine if you will, but don't let her see it. Exude confidence. Be strong. Good luck.
samski3409 Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Keep it up man!! i know that feeling you're having: like it's a shame to just let something go that really mattered to YOU. that she'll just fade away and never understand what she did to you or how much you love her. but what's your alternative? do you stick around and keep contact with her like you're friends? after what she did,do you think she deserves your friendship and time? hell no! You just keep your head up.okay. you're not the one with the problem she is. It's all about you now,try not to worry about what she's up to. i'm going through almost the same exact thing right now. G/F left me for some guy.we still hung out for awhile after,had sex still and would talk. but that **** only hurt me more and made me feel used. like she was getting the best of both worlds:all my attention and loving care but gave little back in return and still kept going back to the other guy when she didn't need me. until i said" screw her she doesn't deserve any of my time and attention" now it's been two and a half weeks with NC and i'm not looking back! no way!
Author NightsEcho Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 Dear ******, You know, over the past four months I have dragged myself through the mud for you. Made myself feel at blame. Taken the guilt off your shoulders for your part in this. You have been on my mind for the last Four months of my life. All I wanted was for you to see how much I loved you. I would have done anything for you. Money, school, all the problems they did not matter cause I was with you. But what did you do? You discarded me like a piece of trash. You cheated on me, while I was at home looking after the dog YOU bought. You changed your voicemail and e-mail password (something to hide) not that i would ever have looked like you did into mine, but whatever right. You broke up with me ON THE PHONE after 3 1/2 years. I hope your new man is great, i mean he must have been to throw us all away for. You were with him what 2 mins. after you dumped me, or was it before even that (please don't answer) You probably don't think or care about me. I could go on.....the way you strung me along after the breakup. The way you can't look me in the eyes anymore. The way you patheticaly and nervously came and saw me. Sorry sugar, time is up. No more games. I don't care how you view me anymore. I never treated you poorly. You ran from ME, and all i ever wanted to do was help you. Guess you may never understand your own actions. Its okay though, I know now how to handle mine. Don't expect anymore phone calls or me begging you to come back. Oh and don't question my Christianity and call me a poor Christian, take your own medicine. Good-bye bub, your Cute without the "e" (cut from the team)
niceguy69 Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Yeah definitely don't send it lol. Each email you send, no matter what you say, just puts out the flame a little more. By not saying anything, at least you're not pushing her further away and you forget about her more and more. Just imagine in your head that she got hit by a bus and is now dead. That's what I did and I forgot about the exgf pretty fast. She WILL contact you eventually, just not until she forgets the bad stuff you did. And it takes longer for her to forget then for you to forget her. But since you were "friends" for so long after she dumped you, the chances she will come back are about 1/100,000.....sry. So basically no matter what happens in the future, at least you healed yourself with NC.
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