When your significant other goes cold. What do you do [updated]

[Dis]

I don't understand this. What exactly is 'the go ahead'?

 

She invited him around her place. Then they slept in the same bed. That means sex in my book.

 

There was a girl that I met at a party once. She was stunning. I got her number and arranged a Saturday date for us to go out to London. The night before the date, she phoned me up and invited me around her place. I went (of course ). We had sex, and still went on our first date the next day (very tired ). That girl and I went out for nearly 2 years, and it's still the longest and best LTR I've ever had.

 

I'm not sure what would have happened if I'd have said 'no thankyou. See you tomorrow'. Or if I'd have waited a month building up the courage to make a move.

 

That's the point. Carpe diem.

 

I agree that guys need to go ahead and make a move, I wouldnt date one that didnt. My impression from the OP's post was that she didnt seem to be at the point where she wanted to have sex...she appeared to be standoffish...so I wouldnt think trying to have sex with a women like that would yeild positive results.

 

From what other posters have mentioned (something I wasnt aware of and now makes me tend to agree with you) is this girl goes after guys who treat her poorly...probably have sex with her right away. Perhaps because he didnt do either of these things she decided to walk away.

[Mjm1014]

Okay I know it goes both ways I'm not trying to be sexist I just want the opposite sex's take on this since I clearly don't understand it., yes I know guys do it too before I get flamed.

 

I've been in somewhat of a dry spell lately..the past few people I've been interested in have done this and I'm not sure why. I always get the "I'm not ready for a relationship" or "I don't know what I want" or "I just need time" yet they text me 24/7 and keep me hanging for awhile and usually don't want to hang out or go on dates then end up disappointed later on.

 

Sorry kind of a vent post, at 30 I'm just frustrated. I'd like to think I'm a good catch, stable (respectible) job, treat my dates well, keep in really good shape, close with family, but apparently it's never good enough. I'm at the point I'm sick of games and don't even want to date.

 

I guess I just don't understand this behavior and how to combat it or weed these people out of my life. I've never strung a single person on that I was interested in.

 

The one girl I've been seeing lately has been pulling the "I just need time" I'm not use to "someone wanting to see me" and she tells me she really likes me yet she won't go out with me anymore and won't even call me.

 

This is seriously like an endless cycle when it comes to people I date. I know I'm doing something wrong, but still...its messed up. How do you all handle people like this lol

[Blanco]

You do realize many people here have followed your recent threads and offered plenty of advice as to why that didn't pan out, right?

 

Don't turn this into an "all women" thing. Sometimes it's on the guys to be a little more intuative and a little less passive.

[deadparrot]

Maybe they're fresh out of a relationship and trying to force themselves to date when they're clearly not ready. Maybe they're lonely. Maybe they're immature. Maybe they're manipulative. Those are just a few of the million reasons that one person might string another along. You can only control your behavior. If you're looking for a serious relationship, once a woman tells you she's not interested, you need to move on and not dwell on it by getting caught in a texting relationship. It's just wasting your emotional energy.

 

And if you feel like you need to take a break from dating to recharge, that's fine, too. Sometimes, taking a step back and relaxing a bit is all it takes to meet the right person.

[Jabron1]

I always get the "I'm not ready for a relationship" or "I don't know what I want" or "I just need time" yet they text me 24/7 and keep me hanging for awhile and usually don't want to hang out or go on dates then end up disappointed later on.

 

Too much yapping. I wouldn't pay mind to it.

 

Based on your last thread from yesterday, and now this, I'm going to give you some advice that my uncle once gave me, it's crude, but true:

 

'If you love a woman, she'll f*ck you. If you f*ck a woman, she'll love you.'

 

In future, just focus on pushing things forward physically. Don't push for a relationship via negotiation.

[mrldii]

...I've never strung a single person on that I was interested in...

 

 

There's your answer; you typed it yourself.

 

If [you feel] they're stringing you along, they're not interested.

 

 

No matter what they say, if their actions aren't indicating they're interested, they're not.

 

 

Best of luck to you...

[basil67]

You're saying that apparently your actions aren't good enough. I have to say that based on the sheer amount of threads you've been making, you seem to lack confidence in yourself and your choices....otherwise you wouldn't be asking so many questions. Lack of confidence really does impact your success.

 

Also, have the courage to ignore a woman who gives reasons she doesn't want to date and then texts you a few weeks later. A person can only string you along if you allow them to.

[Dis]

Maybe try to do some reflecting. I mean with all these girls who have done this to you there HAD to be some red flags you missed. Were they right out of a relationship? Into the bar scene too much? Talking about their ex? Were you making all the initial contact? etc etc

 

I know its def not always possible to predict these situations but I think you need to up your radar alittle. Keep your ears and eyes open for anything thats off or sketchy.

 

I feel for you hun, I do...but pls dont let this discourage you. There are plenty of awesome women out there. We're not all flakey, I wouldnt string someone along. Pls have hope and keep at it...of course take a break from dating if you need to but dont abandon hope. When I first started dating after I broke up with my ex someone told me I'd have to kiss a lot of frogs before I met my prince...geez that was both true and painful. I have a great bf now and it was well worth the time and effort.

 

Keep your chin up hun, soon you'll meet the right one

[todreaminblue]

i just feel that you havent met the right one yet....and theres this quote ...i forget half of it...but it was along the lines of.....the biggest success(just googled it) its a chinese saying...

 

"The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed."

 

i feel this quote is fitting to love and to life .....they actually use it for business a lot...but love can be a serious business...smilin...

 

so dont you quit

 

which is another start ofa favourite quote altogether from the leaders in mychurch...ok ill stop quoting...

 

 

just dont quit ok...... or go blaming the whole female population for one of a few no gos and dummy spits...just keep trying till you find the right one for you or she finds you......good luck...deb

[Dis]

i just feel that you havent met the right one yet....and theres this quote ...i forget half of it...but it was along the lines of.....the biggest success(just googled it) its a chinese saying...

 

 

 

i feel this quote is fitting to love and to life .....they actually use it for business a lot...but love can be a serious business...smilin...

 

so dont you quit

 

which is another start ofa favourite quote altogether from the leaders in mychurch...ok ill stop quoting...

 

 

just dont quit ok...... or go blaming the whole female population for one of a few no gos and dummy spits...just keep trying till you find the right one for you or she finds you......good luck...deb

 

"The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed."

 

Ooo this gave me the chills! lol Love it!

[Jabron1]

i just feel that you havent met the right one yet....and theres this quote ...i forget half of it...but it was along the lines of.....the biggest success(just googled it) its a chinese saying...

 

 

 

i feel this quote is fitting to love and to life .....they actually use it for business a lot...but love can be a serious business...smilin...

 

so dont you quit

 

which is another start ofa favourite quote altogether from the leaders in mychurch...ok ill stop quoting...

 

 

just dont quit ok...... or go blaming the whole female population for one of a few no gos and dummy spits...just keep trying till you find the right one for you or she finds you......good luck...deb

 

I agree with your general sentiments.

 

This shouldn't be a moment of despair, or a moment of blaming others.

 

However, from reading the last 2 or 3 rather emotional threads from the OP, I've seen loads of problems that he needs to address. I think he can do better than 'keep plugging along'.

 

Mjm, you are very needy, and quick to get upset. There's a real fear about you that you need to work on.

 

If I thought these women in your threads were being crappy people, I think people here know I'd tell you so. But, I've just seen you make bad move after bad move.

 

So, what do you do now? You accept it. You screwed up. Everyone does.

 

Put it down to experience, and try to deal with things that are holding you back. Focus on being better.

[BlueIris]

... I always get the "I'm not ready for a relationship" or "I don't know what I want" or "I just need time" yet they text me 24/7 and keep me hanging for awhile and usually don't want to hang out or go on dates then end up disappointed later on. ...

 

This is seriously like an endless cycle when it comes to people I date. I know I'm doing something wrong, but still...its messed up. How do you all handle people like this lol

 

Yeah, this happened to me a few times too. What you have to do is take control of your dating life and the direction it takes. Be clear and polite: "I understand, but I'm looking for (or ready for) a relationship. It was nice meeting you. Good luck."

[todreaminblue]

I agree with your general sentiments.

 

This shouldn't be a moment of despair, or a moment of blaming others.

 

However, from reading the last 2 or 3 rather emotional threads from the OP, I've seen loads of problems that he needs to address. I think he can do better than 'keep plugging along'.

 

Mjm, you are very needy, and quick to get upset. There's a real fear about you that you need to work on.

 

If I thought these women in your threads were being crappy people, I think people here know I'd tell you so. But, I've just seen you make bad move after bad move.

 

So, what do you do now? You accept it. You screwed up. Everyone does.

 

Put it down to experience, and try to deal with things that are holding you back. Focus on being better.

 

 

good post.. thoughtfully written........deb

[Jabron1]

good post.. thoughtfully written........deb

 

I think his next thread should be 'how do I improve?', or something like that. Put energy into a more pragmatic direction

[Audacious]

dude , do not generalize ... not all women are the same .

 

they're stringing you along because the can , don't give them that ability and power over you , someone is stringing you along because you let them .

these BS excuses are just that , BS excuses , once you get one of these just cut your losses and go on with your life , don't hang to a loser .

 

not too long ago , I asked someone out and she gave me a very friendly " Maybe" , I was happy all the way home because I thought I had a shot , but I didn't , she kept equivocating trying to keep me on the hook and keep me chase her . so I let it go .

 

for the sake of your sanity , find someone who will appreciate you , not someone who plays on your emotions .

 

keep in mind that these experiences comes with the male package

[Mjm1014]

Okay so this may be somewhat of a repost but it's been a week or two and need some advice...

 

I met a girl off tinder about a month ago, went on a few dates, and the entire time she was basically telling me how awesome of a guy I am, and how lucky she is to have met me. Things felt great, and for the first time in a long time I felt a spark with this girl (and I still do)...problem is, after a few dates she starts to avoid hanging out (but still kept in communication), and she told me she was just confused. We usually slept over at eachothers places at the end of the date (she wasn't ready to have sex but that's okay) and she thinks things moved too fast in the beginning. She initially told me a few weeks ago that she isn't use to dating such a nice guy-and I come off different than most guys and she feels weird at times like I'm after something (sex). I'm def not after that though. Sucks I guess I made her think they somehow.

 

Anyways it's been a few weeks and I haven't seen this girl, she always makes excuses why she can't hang out and then later tell me she's confused and doesn't want to jump into anything. What gets me is the fact that not a day goes by where she doesn't text me. She clearly stringing me along and I know I'm either a backup guy, or she's just playing hard to get. She texted me this morning saying she had a dream about me ect...I usually reply short answers..I'm tired of feeling like a backup. I'm so confused because I really like her, and feel really hurt how she's treating me. She will flirt and flirt over texts but doesn't want to see me:(

 

So, I'm not going to lie, I still really like her, and I do really want to date her, and I think I came off too clingy in the beginning and scared her off. Maybe I did give that vibe that I was after sex-I certainly didn't mean to. What's the best way to go about this? Tell her I'm done and let her chase me or should I just ignore? I fee so torn. I really like this girl (and yes I know prob more than I should), but I can't help I felt a strong connection especially after everything she told me (her feelings towards me). I know I need to walk away but damn.

 

I don't want to cause drama because she works with my dad though haha FML!!!

[ChickiePops]

Yep..you answered your own question. Walk away. She's not into you.

[Jono85]

Unfortunately, people only get strung along because they allow that to happen. You don't seem to value your worth enough at the moment. It seems pretty obvious to ignore her - if she calls you out on it, or double texts you, simply say something like "look, no offense but I'm looking for more than a texting pal - all the best, no hard feelings" or some variation where you absolutely do not feed her ego any more (ie. saying anything like I really like you but..) and also don't come off as too bitter/upset.

[Mjm1014]

I know, I feel like I need to do that. It's just hard because I keep thinking about her. I've dated a lot of girls in the past but I don't think I've felt the spark like this so its just hard to let go when she starts texting me. Sucks feeling like this.

 

Thank you for the response

[Buddhist]

So, I'm not going to lie, I still really like her, and I do really want to date her, and I think I came off too clingy in the beginning and scared her off. Maybe I did give that vibe that I was after sex-I certainly didn't mean to. What's the best way to go about this?

 

By realising that people can only string you along, when you willingly participate in that game.

 

- She doesn't want you. That is clear from her actions.

- You trying to make her want you means you are a willing victim in being strung along.

 

You realise this is a dead end and you move on. That has always been and always will be the only answer to being strung along. You can't manipulate someone into giving you a relationship when they don't want one with you.

[Mjm1014]

Thanks Buddhist I know lol

 

I guess it just confuses me why she still tries to talk to me and what I can do about that to make it stop so I can move on, or how to handle this.

[Buddhist]

Thanks Buddhist I know lol

 

I guess it just confuses me why she still tries to talk to me and what I can do about that to make it stop so I can move on, or how to handle this.

 

Block her number. She still talks to you because you still reply. Some people will continue on getting attention from you for as long as you give it. But you have to remember that you are in control here. Stop giving her your attention.

[iphone_user1]

Tell her to reach you out when she's ready to meet up, then pull away.

[Kaleard]

This relationship sounds like a mess and needs to be put out of it's misery ASAP. Sounds like she's just stringing you along to feed her own ego as you continue to chase her like a lost puppy dog. The fact that she said she's not used to nice guys like you and that she feels weird around you and thinks you are after sex is really bad stuff. First of all, when a girl calls a guy nice and makes it seem like a bad thing she usually means he is not confident/assertive enough. Nice is fine but lack of confidence is the number one turn off for women. The sex comment is very strange. Virtually all guys are after sex with the women they are dating right? That doesn't mean they are JUST after sex but it's always part of the package of things they want. When you're in a good relationship, the girl won't be able to wait to see you in person again. Texting is just a very poor substitute for when you can see each other next. PLEASE STOP TEXTING THIS GIRL BACK or at the very least keep your replies very brief and impersonal and delayed so that she stops getting gratification out of them.

[Blanco]

No matter how many threads OP wants to start about this girl, this is not, nor has it ever been an actual relationship. Eventually, OP will realize that starting new threads about this girl and holding out hope that she'll change will both yield the same result: The answers don't change.