When your significant other goes cold. What do you do [updated]

[fitnessfan365]

Why make a separate thread about the same girl multiple times?

 

I'm still shocked you referred to this girl as your "significant other" in the other thread when you barely know her. The fact that she's making you into the sexless inkeeper means that you should stop wasting your time IMO.

[katiegrl]

 

I got a text out of the blue this week explaining why she was so quiet on the last date. She said she's never met a guy that treats her so well and she isn't use to it (I cooked her dinner) and she said no guy has ever done that for her. I called her later that night and she explained she usually ends up with jerks. She said it made her feel weird since she isn't use to it..

 

Translation: Try as she might she simply CANNOT develop an attraction to you... as she is only capable of becoming attracted to jerks/men who treat her poorly.

 

Who knows why -- could be low self-esteem, the way her dad treated her growing up.... so she's familiar with it, doesn't matter.

 

She is not attracted to you and therefore best to move on. She can't help it or herself, she has issues that only SHE can figure out and fix.

 

Sorry.

[truth_seeker]

OP - you're the nice guy. This girl likes the bad boy.

 

Side Note 1) wtf? Slept with her 4 times and no sex?

 

Side Note 2) Oh, man... you met a girl off Tinder who works with your Dad? This isn't good.

 

This girl is not attracted to you because you're not the bad boy type... sounds to me she's trying to like you but can't and doesn't want to hurt your feelings or screw things up at work. If I were you, you tell her it's best to not talk to each other anymore. Leave it on good terms for your Dad's sake, so it doesn't affect his job.

[Mjm1014]

Met a girl off tinder about two weeks ago. The first night she invited me over to her place because she was "on call" for work. She was gorgeous and I kissed her within the first 10 minutes (a record for me lol). She told me that night she was lucky to have met me and she was really feeling something. I slept over and we cuddled all night.

 

Date two- took her out on a proper date, again great time. Another sleep over this time at my place-no sex. I wanted to respect her.

 

Date 3-4: stayed over at her place because she was tired and wanted to stay in (she invited me over because the rest of her week was jammed packed). Again no sex even though I somewhat tried but she said she wanted to wait and take it slow.

 

Anyways I haven't seen her in a week. She's been distant and kind of blowing me off as far as seeing me is concerned-but she does initiate texts everyday especially if she hasn't heard from me.

 

I've been feeling bewildered all week as to why all of a sudden she doesn't want to see me, no calls from her only texts messages, and constantly telling me she's busy. I finally asked her if she was okay tonight via text, and she basically said I'm coming on too strong and she's feeling pressured into this, and she thinks we did the sleepovers too fast. I agreed. My question is, if a girl is really into a guy, would she be acting like this? She said she has been single for so long that this seems like a lot for her, she does like me, but isn't use to it. She says when I do or say nice things for her, she takes it the wrong way. Also tells me she's been selfish spending time with herself because she's use to being alone and then I came along.

 

I just don't get it. So many mixed signals all week. Im extremely confused. She texts me all week, no calls all of a sudden, doesn't want to hang out then tells me this tonight. I haven't professed my love for her or anything. Was this some kind of a **** test I failed (as far as sleepovers go)? Lol

 

I'm going out of town for the weekend to hang out with a friend and think I just need to turn the phone off and get her out of my head. Idk how I'm coming on too strong when we've hardly spoken to eachother all week let alone seen eacother. FYI our texts are basically: what's up, how is your day going type texts...nothing deep. I always let her reach out to me first.

Thoughts?! Thanks in advance

[Dis]

The sleepovers happened wayyy too quickly and you probably shouldnt have tried having sex with her as she had not given you the go ahead.

 

With that said...she seems emotionally unavaliable. Even if you two didnt have the sleepovers and you didnt try to have sex...I think she still wouldve pulled back.

 

She seems guarded, her walls are up. I wouldnt waste your time on someone like that. Dont expect that to change. Shes already pulling back and you two have only had a few dates.

 

Go spend time with your friend, distract yourself. Dont look at your phone constantly...just have fun and let it go.

 

As far as your chances with this girl go....dont hold your breath. I also wouldnt put too much stock into the casual texts she sends you...those dont take much effort...kind of a reflection of where shes at.

 

Sorry hun, I know this has to be disappointing for you but I dont think shes capable of having a relationship right now. Good thing you found out early on.

 

Next time...hold off on the sleep overs, dont push the sex and maybe dont kiss the girl until the end of the first date. Best of luck to you

[Karine26]

ummm I don't know any stable girl that would invite a guy that she hasn't met to her home and let him kiss her within 10 minutes then spend the night. I know a lot of girls (and guys) use Tinder to get over the person they really like until that person comes back around again. There's a possibility this could be the case.

[ExpatInItaly]

ummm I don't know any stable girl that would invite a guy that she hasn't met to her home and let him kiss her within 10 minutes then spend the night. I know a lot of girls (and guys) use Tinder to get over the person they really like until that person comes back around again. There's a possibility this could be the case.

 

This.

 

OP, there are some red flags here. I wouldn't stress the fact that she's been distant. It doesn't sound like this was headed in a great direction.

 

In the future, don't be having sleepovers so soon. it creates false intimacy when you barely know the person.

[Porter56]

Coming on too strong? My impression is she's worried you only want her for sex. Based on the sleepovers and you trying to have sex so quickly.

 

She is guarded about something definitely so if you really like her and care about her...be understanding and be there for her but I think you did come on too strong physically before coming on strong emotionally if that makes any sense.

[fitnessfan365]

Dude..another thread about the same girl? You can make different threads about her over and over and over. But it doesn't change the situation.

 

As many have pointed out, you're not her type because she prefers bad boys that treat her like crap. So you coming on "too strong" is just a way to discourage you because her interest doesn't match yours. Since you've only known her a few weeks, it's best just to forget about her and meet a woman who actually returns your interest.

[scorpiogirl]

Coming on too strong? My impression is she's worried you only want her for sex. Based on the sleepovers and you trying to have sex so quickly.

 

She is guarded about something definitely so if you really like her and care about her...be understanding and be there for her but I think you did come on too strong physically before coming on strong emotionally if that makes any sense.

 

To be fair, she invited him to her house. I doubt he would've slept over if she hadn't invited that too. Definitely not a healthy start but both are to blame. Be there for her for what?

[joseb]

I think the opposite of most posters. Because you didn't have sex when the opportunity was there (first night) it became awkward and she lost interest after that.

[katiegrl]

Dude..another thread about the same girl? You can make different threads about her over and over and over. But it doesn't change the situation.

 

As many have pointed out, you're not her type because she prefers bad boys that treat her like crap. So you coming on "too strong" is just a way to discourage you because her interest doesn't match yours. Since you've only known her a few weeks, it's best just to forget about her and meet a woman who actually returns your interest.

 

This^^

 

Dude wow you are really obsessed with this girl.

 

I responded on your other thread with the same thing fitnessfan says here.

 

That try as she might, she simply cannot feel attracted to you as her history is being with men who treat her badly. Those are the men she feels attracted to.

 

Her telling you that you are coming on *too strong* simply means you are too "nice" ..... she is not attracted and turned off.

 

Either become a bad boy and start treating her like crap or walk away.

 

I vote for the latter.

[phineas]

ummm I don't know any stable girl that would invite a guy that she hasn't met to her home and let him kiss her within 10 minutes then spend the night. I know a lot of girls (and guys) use Tinder to get over the person they really like until that person comes back around again. There's a possibility this could be the case.

 

This.

I have no idea what the hell is going on with this woman.

 

All I can say is I would not sleep at a womans house unless we were going to have sex or I was too drunk to drive.

And then, i'd be sleeping on the couch.

Not in bed next to her.

 

how many guys slept over who DID have sex with her op?

[Versacehottie]

Dude..another thread about the same girl? You can make different threads about her over and over and over. But it doesn't change the situation.

 

As many have pointed out, you're not her type because she prefers bad boys that treat her like crap. So you coming on "too strong" is just a way to discourage you because her interest doesn't match yours. Since you've only known her a few weeks, it's best just to forget about her and meet a woman who actually returns your interest.

 

Yes it essentially means you are acting in some apparent way like a lovesick puppy.

 

If you are not making different posts about the same girl, stop doing the same thing with these different girl. It's the same result over and over. You come on too strong. Desperation in the air. sorry

[Blanco]

I kind of think you're coming on too strong, because at this point, the number of threads you've started about her has to outweigh the number of times you've even been around her.

 

You've been here a while. You should know by now that starting new threads about the same subject isn't going to change the advice you get. Case in point, every thread about this girl has the same consensus from members here: She's not interested.

[Jabron1]

I think the opposite of most posters. Because you didn't have sex when the opportunity was there (first night) it became awkward and she lost interest after that.

 

I agree.

 

The real problem here is that you slept with a girl 4 times without anything happening. I really don't know how that's possible.

 

She's probably took you for a herbivore.

 

I think you've screwed up, to be honest. Now you should back off; see some other girls. If you get another opportunity with this girl, stop messing around 'cuddling' and take it.

 

If you don't want to take it, don't complain when another guy does.

[katiegrl]

I agree.

 

The real problem here is that you slept with a girl 4 times without anything happening. I really don't know how that's possible.

 

She's probably took you for a herbivore.

 

I think you've screwed up, to be honest. Now you should back off; see some other girls. If you get another opportunity with this girl, stop messing around 'cuddling' and take it.

 

If you don't want to take it, don't complain when another guy does.

 

I tend to agree.

 

All this *cuddling* crap, I have never heard a word so over-used in my life, until I joined this forum.

 

One woman even invited a guy over she had never ever even met before..... to *cuddle*.

 

It may have even been this girl, the OP has a few threads going about her.

 

Men and women sleeping over, no sex, just *cuddling*.

 

I have never.

 

Cuddling is great, when in a relationship, after sex, before sex, watching TV, whatevs.

 

But when that is *all* you are doing ..... even while literally sleeping together, something is seriously wrong IMO.

Edited May 14, 2016 by katiegrl

[Jabron1]

The sleepovers happened wayyy too quickly and you probably shouldnt have tried having sex with her as she had not given you the go ahead.

 

I don't understand this. What exactly is 'the go ahead'?

 

She invited him around her place. Then they slept in the same bed. That means sex in my book.

 

There was a girl that I met at a party once. She was stunning. I got her number and arranged a Saturday date for us to go out to London. The night before the date, she phoned me up and invited me around her place. I went (of course ). We had sex, and still went on our first date the next day (very tired ). That girl and I went out for nearly 2 years, and it's still the longest and best LTR I've ever had.

 

I'm not sure what would have happened if I'd have said 'no thankyou. See you tomorrow'. Or if I'd have waited a month building up the courage to make a move.

 

That's the point. Carpe diem.

[scorpiogirl]

I don't understand this. What exactly is 'the go ahead'?

 

She invited him around her place. Then they slept in the same bed. That means sex in my book.

 

There was a girl that I met at a party once. She was stunning. I got her number and arranged a Saturday date for us to go out to London. The night before the date, she phoned me up and invited me around her place. I went (of course ). We had sex, and still went on our first date the next day (very tired ). That girl and I went out for nearly 2 years, and it's still the longest and best LTR I've ever had.

 

I'm not sure what would have happened if I'd have said 'no thankyou. See you tomorrow'. Or if I'd have waited a month building up the courage to make a move.

 

That's the point. Carpe diem.

 

No. Just because you're in the same bed, that does NOT mean sex. He said SHE didn't want sex. There is a little matter of C-O-N-S-E-N-T.

And even if this girl were naked in bed, and she said no, no sex is happening. He kissed her. She knows he's interested. Why would she say to slow down if what she was after was sex and he's slow on the uptake.

You tend to walk a thin line in matters like these. I saw another thread a while back where you got very upset when someone suggested you weren't respecting boundaries, and you wrote that you didn't appreciate being called a rapist ... being associated with that term or something like that.

 

But when you say things like " if I'm in her bed, sex is happening", YOU lead people to just one conclusion.

" Well she said no, but you know ... she was kissing me and when she said no, she giggled flirtatiously, so she clearly wasn't serious."

 

I'm sure you're the super stud that you portray yourself to be on here but you walk a thin line.

 

I don't think she should've invited him into her bed at all. That was just stupid. He should give up on her. But again, he said she said NO SEX.

He can come and correct me on that if I misunderstood. But that won't negate what I said to you.

[Jabron1]

No. Just because you're in the same bed, that does NOT mean sex. He said SHE didn't want sex. There is a little matter of C-O-N-S-E-N-T.

And even if this girl were naked in bed, and she said no, no sex is happening. He kissed her. She knows he's interested. Why would she say to slow down if what she was after was sex and he's slow on the uptake.

You tend to walk a thin line in matters like these. I saw another thread a while back where you got very upset when someone suggested you weren't respecting boundaries, and you wrote that you didn't appreciate being called a rapist ... being associated with that term or something like that.

 

But when you say things like " if I'm in her bed, sex is happening", YOU lead people to just one conclusion.

" Well she said no, but you know ... she was kissing me and when she said no, she giggled flirtatiously, so she clearly wasn't serious."

 

I'm sure you're the super stud that you portray yourself to be on here but you walk a thin line.

 

I don't think she should've invited him into her bed at all. That was just stupid. He should give up on her. But again, he said she said NO SEX.

He can come and correct me on that if I misunderstood. But that won't negate what I said to you.

 

 

I think a few of you just have rape on the brain.

 

I would have made a move. If she rejected it, not the end of the world. But, I'd have known where I stood - and so would she.

 

I wouldn't have been messed around for weeks/months without getting any, and then dumped.

 

It's Tinder ffs. Their first date was a booty call where he got no booty (and never did). It's a complete fail. The whole thing was a write off.

 

Edit: I just had to read the OP again, because your post was so 'out there' It actually made me doubt the facts for a minute.

But, nope. I was right like usual. He didn't make a move on the first two dates - just cuddled her. He tried on the third, and that's when he got rejected, and the fourth was more of the same.

 

Next time that a woman on Tinder invites you around her house to get in bed with her, make a sexual advance.

 

You know where you stand, but you aren't accepting it. This is a write off. Walk away.

Edited May 15, 2016 by Jabron1

[scorpiogirl]

I think a few of you just have rape on the brain.

 

I would have made a move. If she rejected it, not the end of the world. But, I'd have known where I stood - and so would she.

 

I wouldn't have been messed around for weeks/months without getting any, and then dumped.

 

It's Tinder ffs. Their first date was a booty call where he got no booty (and never did). It's a complete fail. The whole thing was a write off.

 

Edit: I just had to read the OP again, because your post was so 'out there' It actually made me doubt the facts for a minute.

But, nope. I was right like usual. He didn't make a move on the first two dates - just cuddled her. He tried on the third, and that's when he got rejected, and the fourth was more of the same.

 

Next time that a woman on Tinder invites you around her house to get in bed with her, make a sexual advance.

 

You know where you stand, but you aren't accepting it. This is a write off. Walk away.

 

Right, it's always other people that are "out there". Funny that.

[Jabron1]

Right, it's always other people that are "out there". Funny that.

 

Anything more to contribute?

 

If you want to keep flirting with me, take it to PM.

[scorpiogirl]

Anything more to contribute?

 

If you want to keep flirting with me, take it to PM.

 

Wouldn't dare. PM might mean "put your baby inside me"

[Arieswoman]

Wouldn't dare. PM might mean "put your baby inside me"

 

Now that's funny !

[Jabron1]

Wouldn't dare. PM might mean "put your baby inside me"

 

Haters gonna hate

 

http://memesvault.com/wp-content/uploads/Haters-Gonna-Hate-Meme-Leonardo-07.jpg