When your significant other goes cold. What do you do [updated]

May 8, 2016

So I've seen this girl a few times, we hit it off, slept together and last night she told me I'm the most amazing guy she's ever met and how lucky she is to have met me. She left my place this morning (we didn't have sex so it's not like it was bad lol), and all day her texts have been really short all day, and she responds to them every two hours or so which is unlike her and it's always an excuse...I asked her if she was okay, and she told me she's just been busy but she does like me she said...We had plans to hang out tonight but she sent me a text this evening saying she is too tired to see me and maybe sometime this week instead-possibly tomorrow. I'm not stupid though, I know she's prob out being a Saturday night and she's a partier. She use to literally blow up my phone with texts all day so I feel like she's making excuses...its just not like her. I think I did something to turn her off.

So how do I handle this? Should I just not respond to her? She says she wants to see me, then I hear from her like 3 hours later, but told me she's too tired.

FYI she works with my dad so I'm thinking maybe she's in a tight spot and is trying to let me down easy? I'm really confused how she's acting, and I'm not sure how I should take all of this? I literally called her out on it and said she is being honest, she likes me, but she's just tired. I literally hear every excuse today even without me asking her "sorry I was busy at my sisters, sorry I fell asleep, sorry I was cooking" all her texts were hours later

Sorry been drinking watching a movie bored hope it makes sense...just looking for input

Edited May 8, 2016 by Mjm1014

May 8, 2016

I've never had a woman sleep over and not have sex with me so all I can say is she didn't find you that amazing.

Ok they have, but on the couch.

slept together means sex.

You just crashed in the same bed it seems since sex didn't happen.

actions, not words.

I would not initiate with her.

women do not sleep in the same bed with men they are attracted to and not have sex.

You may very well be friendzoned.

May 8, 2016

Maybe she is on her period or has a zit. Not kidding

May 8, 2016

Or potentially maybe she feels weird because you didn't try to have sex with her. I think you should take her at her word and no more asking for reassurance from her about today. And then continue on with confidence like whatever happened about today is really what she said it was.

BTW, are you an anxious dater? I'm starting to get that feeling and you'd want to get that dialed back so you can show your best side and not have anxiety mess things up for you. Good luck

May 8, 2016

Don't keep texting someone when their vibe is bad or low.

Stop messaging her, and let her message you when her attitude has improved.

Are you two exclusive?

Edited May 8, 2016 by Jabron1

May 8, 2016

When someone acts disinterested, it means that they are disinterested.

May 8, 2016

If she IS just tired and visiting her sister, then you blowing up her phone and asking questions is just an annoyance.

If she has lost interest then you blowing up her phone and asking questions will not stimulate her interest.

Leave her be, she will get back to you when she is ready.

May 8, 2016

You're saying that she's a 'significant other', however you also say that you've only 'seen her a few times'. If it's true that you are still getting to know her, then she's not a significant other - she's a girl you've seen a few times. There's a world of difference!

My take on all of this is that she's in the process of ending things. If it doesn't come good in a few days, stop calling her and move on.

May 8, 2016

You are kidding, right?

This is so not a problem. You are making it one for reasons that I don't understand.

First she's not your SO. She's not even your GF. She's some employee at your dad's who you went out with a few times & slept with.

You are here complaining that she only texts you back every 3 hours. You are being ridiculous. Back off.

After the closeness of sleeping over, she needs some space. She may be tired. I never slept well with a new man in a strange place and wanted the whole next date alone to process, get my head on straight & give him space. A few sex acts do not a significant commitment make this early on.

Do nothing. Do not comment about your incorrect perceptions. Leave her alone. Tomorrow, call her & ask her out on an actual date . . . not come over for net flicks & chill . . . a real date. Court her.

She is telling you she likes you & you are amazing. Start believing her before you blow this by acting like a crazy possessive controlling nut.

May 9, 2016

I've been seeing a girl now for a few weeks now that I met off Tinder, and we have hung out quite a bit lately. Right off the bat, she messaged me on tinder and said she wanted to get to know me, and we set up a date. After that date, and a few days after, she was texting me a lot, always asking me questions, and seemed like she wanted to get to know me..she told me after the 2nd or 3rd date that she's not interested in talking to people on tinder anymore and was thinking about deleting it because she really liked me. I thought she was amazing and it felt great that she was really trying to get to know me.

Anyways we are still hanging out and going on dates, but she doesn't seem to want to text as much as she use to, and the past few times I've been with her I've noticed that she doesn't seem interested in getting to know me on a deeper level like she did before the 2nd or 3rd date although she does like to kiss and cuddle. She just seems really quiet now and I feel like I'm asking all the questions, and she doesnt ask me any in return. Been feeling like this now for a few days.

Yesterday was the worst it's been, she took half the day to respond to a text then when I saw her last night she was acting very shady since her phone was seriously blowing up every two minutes all night. She would either go in another room to text or would turn her back when she was texting and I just felt overal she was acting a little distant. I noticed lots of tinder messages were coming in at one point.

Here's my thing...I get we aren't official, but for her to be so excited about things to tell me she is deleting tinder, her drop in interest level in me, should I throw in the towel? I try asking her things about herself and truly want to get to know her, but I feel like the past few days, she doesn't seem as interested in talking to me but she still asks me to hang out. What I don't want, is to feel like just a number if she's talking to multiple or a lot of guys-it just feels like a huge waste of time and value if someone takes the time to get to know me. It baffles me when for days, she takes 2-6hours just to respond to a text (wasn't like this in the beginning) yet when I'm with her she's obsessed with her phone and clearly talking to other guys. How to proceed?

May 9, 2016

I think you done danced past the f-ing hour, son. She's not that into you anymore and is now into some other guy(s). It happens.

Not much you can do to change that.

Only thing you can do is a bit of a postmortem: what was your reaction to her when she said she didn't want to meet any other guys on tinder and just date you?

May 9, 2016

There is only one way to proceed. Talk to her.

It doesn't really matter who was blowing up her phone -- some new guy she met off Tinder or her mother -- it's rude to pay more attention to a phone then the person who is right in front of you.

May 9, 2016

when I saw her last night she was acting very shady since her phone was seriously blowing up every two minutes all night. She would either go in another room to text or would turn her back when she was texting and I just felt overal she was acting a little distant. I noticed lots of tinder messages were coming in at one point.

Obnoxious and rude. Why are you even tolerating that kind of behavior?

It doesn't seem like she is interested anymore and likely meeting/engaging others on Tinder. She'll likely keep you in the picture until she's secured other options.

May 9, 2016

The writing is on the wall and you are reading it perfectly. It takes her several hours to respond to your text, yet she steadily replies to other texts while she's with you. Her interest has faded, tremendously. I highly doubt anything serious is going to come from dating her so it's time to move on since your interest and hers are miles apart.

May 9, 2016

So if she asks me to hang out again, do you think it would be stupid to?

Don't get me wrong, I do like her, but it's off putting behavior and my gut is telling me she's stringing me along. Should I bring this up with her more or is there no point?

I brought it up briefly last night and straight up asked her if she's still feeling it, and told her I felt like she's been distant, and she just said no, "I'm def interested I just feel really comfortable wth you, so I don't text you as much." I wasn't going to ask her until I noticed her phone seriously going off every two minutes yet I wait all day to hear from her anymore. It kinda ****ed me off deep down. I just don't want to get played and feel like it could be happening....

Right after the convo she told me she was going to bed, and when I told her I was going home she told me to stay at her place and she didn't want me to leave. I laid in her bed all night while her phone buzzed and binged so I hardly slept. Fml lmao

May 9, 2016

So if she asks me to hang out again, do you think it would be stupid to?

Why would you? When she was answering all these text messages (moving to another room/turning her back), what did you do? Sit there and watch?

She's not interested. Time to check out and start dating others.

Don't get me wrong, I do like her, but it's off putting behavior and my gut is telling me she's stringing me along. Should I bring this up with her more or is there no point?

If after a few weeks you're already in this position -- there is no point. She says the words but her actions say different.

I brought it up briefly last night and straight up asked her if she's still feeling it, and told her I felt like she's been distant, and she just said no, "I'm def interested I just feel really comfortable wth you, so I don't text you as much." I wasn't going to ask her until I noticed her phone seriously going off every two minutes yet I wait all day to hear from her anymore. It kinda ****ed me off deep down. I just don't want to get played and feel like it could be happening....

Really? That was a crap excuse. After a few weeks and you're into someone I would think that your attention would be more focused and communication would be frequent because it's new and exciting. Instead, she's quick to text other guys when she's sitting right infront of you but takes her sweet time when it comes to you? Listen to your gut. It smells bad.

Edited May 9, 2016 by Zahara

May 9, 2016

Thanks for the input everyone. I know what I should do, but I just want to make sure I'm not being too dramatic about the whole situation since we aren't official yet, and if I should go with the flow since she still asks me to hang out. She did tell me last night "no I'm interested, I just feel comfortable with you that's why I text you less" I left out the next thing she said in my previous post if it even makes a difference..right after she said that she said "if I wasn't feeling it, I wouldn't have invited you over".

I just have no idea how to proceed. I know she's been really busy the past few days but her lack of communication in person and when not together is kind of making me question-along with her phone blowing up when she's with me. She does seem to like me when we hang out, but she seems occupied talking to lots of other guys too.

Personally, I have a problem jumping the gun on situations like this, and sometime I may come off as over eager so I wanted to make sure before I pull the plug on this I get input.

May 9, 2016

It has nothing to do with being official or not. What does it say to you when a woman you are on a date with has little to no regard for you that she texts other men by moving to another room or turning her back on you while you sit there? Infrequent texting versus waiting 6 hours to respond to you (however, quick to respond to other men) are two different things.

If you want to hang out with her, then do so but with little expectation that this is going anywhere.

Yes, she invites you over because you provide her company -- but she's also keeping her options open. Do you think she's meeting other men? I would say yes. If you can handle that, then by all means keep dating her and you should also do the same and not focus all your attention on this one woman.

She said to you after your 2nd/3rd date that she's not interested in talking to other men on Tinder anymore -- at this point, take her words with a grain of salt.

May 9, 2016

She did tell me last night "no I'm interested, I just feel comfortable with you that's why I text you less" I left out the next thing she said in my previous post if it even makes a difference..right after she said that she said "if I wasn't feeling it, I wouldn't have invited you over".

I just have no idea how to proceed. I know she's been really busy the past few days but her lack of communication in person and when not together is kind of making me question-along with her phone blowing up when she's with me.

When I'm super comfy with someone, I tend to reply and not be too choosy with my words only bc I think we know each other well and they "know what I mean or where I'm coming from" with what I'm saying, and that can be a huge mistake. Ppl aren't mind readers and that's important to remember when texting or emailing bc the receiver can't see your body language or smile to know the context of your projected phrase. However, I've never failed to respond bc I'm comfy with someone. To me, failure to reciprocate implies a lack of interest. In your shoes, I'd be more offended after witnessing how eagerly she promptly replies to everyone else.

May 9, 2016

Yesterday was the worst it's been, she took half the day to respond to a text then when I saw her last night she was acting very shady since her phone was seriously blowing up every two minutes all night. She would either go in another room to text or would turn her back when she was texting and I just felt overal she was acting a little distant. I noticed lots of tinder messages were coming in at one point.

She's holding onto you until she meets someone she likes better. This is just plain disrespect - talking to other prospects while with you.

I'd drop her.

May 12, 2016

Deleted ........

Edited May 12, 2016 by Mjm1014

May 12, 2016

Met her off tinder a few weeks ago, hung out a lot in the beginning, and she even told me she's happy to have met me and she feels really lucky. She told me she was going to get off tinder by our second date.

Last time we hung out, she acted really distant and quiet and I asked her if she was okay, or if she wasn't feeling things...she said she was and didn't understand why I was asking her. Her phone was blowing up all night from someone so I'm guessing it was another guy since she kept hiding her phone around me (turning her back), going in another room to text.

Anyways I haven't seen her in a week because she's had something going on every night but has made no attempt to offer up a day she's free and she hasn't reached out at all in the past week to give me a call (she use to). She only texts...I'd say she isn't interested, but here are the two things that get me:

1. I receive texts from her everyday especially if she hasn't heard from me in a few hours. Always asking what I'm up to/asking how my day is/occasionally says she misses me. Always a good morning and a good night text from her. When I text her back it takes usually 1-4 hours for her to respond. Red flag..

2. I got a text out of the blue this week explaining why she was so quiet on the last date. She said she's never met a guy that treats her so well and she isn't use to it (I cooked her dinner) and she said no guy has ever done that for her. I called her later that night and she explained she usually ends up with jerks. She said it made her feel weird since she isn't use to it.. I'm not exactly sure if I should take this as a bad thing-maybe she's trying to say I'm being too nice and it's a turnoff? Whatever though, it's just who I am. Regardless, she's pulled back a lot since that night a week ago.

Regardless, she hasn't called me all week-only texts me- and she doesn't seem all that thrilled about setting a date to do something. She did tell me on the phone she really does want to see me though and she feels bad how busy she is. Sometimes she even brings up the future like-sometime lets do this or that together.

I just don't know how to proceed since this seems to be at a standstill and she communicates less with me. Im always the one to call her or ask her to do something and she says she's busy. I'm getting bored just receiving how is your day going texts though and want to get to know her. Then when I get back to her she takes 3 hours to respond. Should I keep at this or take it all as an excuse and she's trying to let me down easy/maybe I'm a backup guy? When I do call her up, she does seem to want to talk for awhile, but I'm calling less because I don't want to chase her unless it's 50/50 effort. Besides her texts that's all I get from her...

Side note: we slept together 4 times but she won't have sex. She says she wants to take it slow and do things right..that's fine but considering we've been going to bed together and she still won't makes me wonder if she's even into me..

Side note 2: she works with my dad (he's higher up than her and she sometimes reports to him) so I keep thinking she may be in a tight spot with me

Edited May 12, 2016 by Mjm1014

May 12, 2016

So you actually consider a woman you've only seen a few times to be a "significant other"?

May 12, 2016

Write her off because she is wasting your time with games.

May 12, 2016

Those jerks she usually ends up with? She's hooking up with one of them right now and using you as a backup when that doesn't pan out.

Move on to someone who is genuinely interested in you and appreciates being treated well. I see you getting hurt if you stick around for more of this.

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When your significant other goes cold. What do you do [updated]

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