sandstorm Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Hello, I hope this is the right section for this if not can a moderator move it... I just joined and just need to work on getting some thoughts and advice. I can't really turn to any of my friends due to the closeness of our group of friends to both my wife and I. Little preface - My wife and I have had it a little rough the past few months as we just bought a really really expensive house and just have been arguing a little more than usual. It's just feels nagging at times towards me and my spending habits. Even though we are financially secure. I recently was on a business trip this last week in which things got a little crazy one night at a bar. The whole preface of that night was for me to get rip roaring drunk as I didn't want to be at this meeting which I did accomplish but has led me to this scenario which I will now explain: Me and some coworkers ended up at our final bar around 8pm and we planned on staying no later than 10pm as have an early next morning. We were having a good time and somehow struck up conversation with this young attractive female and her two older coworkers who were male. It was normal conversation as first because we just chatted about work and exchanged information for networking but as time progressed I found myself and this female in our own little corner chatting away. It was like we were lost to each other in our own world. We talked about politics, activities, golf, fly fishing, her divorce last year, her parents, through out the entire night. I kept dropping the wife card in the beginning with her and she kept dropping how into me she was and was aggressive about it. Needless to as 9:30pm pm rolls around I decided to stay longer as did my coworkers I saw my coworkers were off in their own conversations. This female began to get a little more hands on - caressing of arms and hands over shoulder/back and continued with the subjects from earlier. A little later she mentions I've been dropping the wife card all night and I for some reason that I still don't understand I took off my wedding band and said look no more mention of wife. I'm going to probably blame this on my subconscious reminding me of the rough patch my wife and I are going through atm. She proceeds to tell me she doesn't want me to ruin my marriage but she would give me the best lay of my life tonight. I brush it off and continue talking. So a little later the the caressing of arms, hands over shoulder started to include from her running her fingers through my hair, kissing me on the cheek, as I shot down any making out. I did reciprocate the caressing of the arms and shoulders/back. We were totally into each other... So now 30 till bar close my coworker comes up and tells me I need to go back to my hotel alone and was persistent about it because he was about to leave with our other coworker as the were sharing an uber. So as bar close comes nearer I go to the bathroom to freshen up and see my wedding band still off. I feel like a mental slap hits me and I instantly put it back on and go what am I doing. I go back out see her order last call and started to share my beer with me even though she was drinking pino all night.. One of her male coworker friends start joking about getting laid and winking at me. I feel like I started to sober off and was making sure she didn't fall off her chair. A little later she wants to freshen up before we leave. I take this chance to close my tab quickly and just leave the bar by myself. I asked her other coworker friend if he could make sure she gets home safe and I jet before she comes out of the bathroom. He said he would as he was kinda of a family friend? I didn't know what that meant. I began walking back to my hotel by myself going WTF just happened. I began texting my coworker telling him I'm by myself and she calls me about 3 times over a span on 15 minutes. I ignore the call as I called my wife and kinda gave her a run down of the situation minus a lot of details as I was drunk. I came back into town on Thursday and gave my wife more details minus the part of how I took off my wedding ban and potentially let the scenario get worse. It told her about the arm caressing, fingers ran through the he hair, and her kissing me on the cheeks. My wife goes you went back to the hotel alone and called me drunk and talked to me for 45 minutes till you passed out - your fine just a sloppy drunk. On Friday my wife and I spar as we do MMA training and lands a low blow kick and as I drop to the floor she says to me that was her subconscious getting back at me. Our trainer giggles cuz he knows the story. So I brush it off and went about our normal sparring rounds and actually took it down a notch and let her unload a lot of hits. Since then she appears to be treating me normally. Now my issues: I almost cheated on my wife who I love. She has been through all my good and bad and is my rock. I know we are in a rough patch but it will pass. She has been complaing for a vacation back to Cabo. I told her most of the truth minus the parts that would hurt her. (wedding band removal). She lives by the don't tell me policy. I've also never ever cheated on her the 8 years we have been together and this is the first time it crossed my mind. I find it did bother her as she did tell my good friend who did text me the next day about it and told our trainer who is a close friend of ours after my first nights drunk confession. Now I also feel horrible as I led this other female on. The good side of me wants to believe she was into me. Part of me wants to believe it's her routine. Also part of me wants to contact this female and apologize because IDK what she is going through in her life. I know that is a horrible idea but I feel like a dick for potentially leading her on. IDK what to do here. I also am figuring out why I did this... One was the attention it was welcoming, it was new, and it was fresh. IDK. I'm also beating my self up over this as I did contemplate going home with with this female but came to my senses but their is a sense of the unknown. I guess I needed to get this off of my chest. I do appreciate any feedback and if it's harsh so be it. I just need to hear something as it's been plaguing me in my mind. Thanks for reading.
Gloria25 Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Lesson learned.... In times of stress between you and your wife (or not), don't EVER put yourself in the position where you may end up cheating. It's normal for people in a RL to stray, even momentarily when times get rough. Thing is, you need to learn to turn "inwards" (towards your SO), rather than "outwards" (to any female showing you kindness, attention, etc.). Also, stop putting yourself in positions that may lead into something. In some religions they say that 'when a man and woman are alone, the devil is a third party'....there's also this television pastor guy who said he never cheated on his wife, cuz he stays away from "any" acts that may lead up to that and/or make people even "think" he's cheating (i.e. sharing a limo with a woman, going on business trips with women). I wouldn't stress so much, you had a one time slip, you recovered and thankfully you didn't cheat on your wife....lesson learned. 1
Poutrew Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Well, you almost cheat on her, but she for real tries to smash your walnuts into peanut butter. If that a fair trade? If it were me, I'd be telling my girl that I wont be up to anything sexual until my swollen testicles shrink back to normal - at least 2 weeks, maybe longer...
preraph Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 If you don't want to self-destruct, learn to avoid the situations that can get you in trouble, because now you know you're weak, plus you basically just gave your wife any justification she needs to act on it if she ever gets weak. Any further contact with that woman will be highly frowned upon and also only encourage her. Don't even think about it. You cannot cleanse your soul by doing anything other than keeping your nose clean going forward.
Buddhist Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 I wouldn't worry about apologising to that female coworker. It appears that she's in the habit of dicking around in other people's marriages and just thought she would try her luck. Let her own her own actions. They're her responsibility. Focus on you, your wife and not drinking to get drunk at bars while out of town. 2
Gloria25 Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 I wouldn't worry about apologising to that female coworker. It appears that she's in the habit of dicking around in other people's marriages and just thought she would try her luck. Let her own her own actions. They're her responsibility. Focus on you, your wife and not drinking to get drunk at bars while out of town. Uh, I think he said he took off his ring... But still, I don't think you owe her an explanation. But, as a professional, I believe you should simply apologize for getting a bit fisky with her and just tell her you believe you got frisky cuz of the alcohol. No need to explain you're married, etc. Quite frankly, I wouldn't have told your wife, cuz if you sincerely had no intention of contacting this or any woman again (and/or putting yourself into a situation to allow yourself to slip again), then you shouldn't have burdened your wife with that. Trust me, now your wife (like most women) will never forget this one and probably will hold it over your head forever. So, one year from now and one day your wife wakes up and just is miserable and you're like "why?"...trust me, she's gone back into her iCloud and downloaded this incident and is reliving it...that's how our women's brains work - we're like Terminators, we don't forget and can't be bargained/reasoned with. 1
purplesorrow Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 It's great your relationship with your wife is open and honest enough to share this with her. Tighten up your boundaries. 2
d0nnivain Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Put a lot of distance in your interactions with this female co worker. Do not drink more than 2 drinks when she is around. Consider getting a new job. It will ease your wife's mind tremendously. Take time to flirt with your wife & go out of your way to make her feel special. Have a great date night in your expensive new home. 1
mikeylo Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 You don't owe that woman anything. Get that straight. Your loyalty , faithfulness lies with your wife. Don't say /do anything with that woman and stay away from her as if she doesn't even exist and if you do find yourself working together , excuse yourself on some pretext or act extremely professional. She made moves on you even though you dropped the wife word. She has lose morals. You were just one of the many she does the same with. She will find another or maybe already has. Everyone gets a rough patch in their relationship. How you both forgive and forget and make positive changes tells the future success of your relationship. Treat your wife like you first saw and starting chasing / courting her. Bring back the romance and work it up. You don't anything to that woman! Not a single word. 2
wmacbride Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Uh, I think he said he took off his ring... But still, I don't think you owe her an explanation. But, as a professional, I believe you should simply apologize for getting a bit fisky with her and just tell her you believe you got frisky cuz of the alcohol. No need to explain you're married, etc. Quite frankly, I wouldn't have told your wife, cuz if you sincerely had no intention of contacting this or any woman again (and/or putting yourself into a situation to allow yourself to slip again), then you shouldn't have burdened your wife with that. Trust me, now your wife (like most women) will never forget this one and probably will hold it over your head forever. So, one year from now and one day your wife wakes up and just is miserable and you're like "why?"...trust me, she's gone back into her iCloud and downloaded this incident and is reliving it...that's how our women's brains work - we're like Terminators, we don't forget and can't be bargained/reasoned with. That may be how you are, but not every woman is like you. Op, I admire your honesty, and it will stand you in good stead. By being honest, you prevented your wife from finding this out in some other way, and now the two of you can begin to move forward.
wmacbride Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 Hello, I hope this is the right section for this if not can a moderator move it... I just joined and just need to work on getting some thoughts and advice. I can't really turn to any of my friends due to the closeness of our group of friends to both my wife and I. Little preface - My wife and I have had it a little rough the past few months as we just bought a really really expensive house and just have been arguing a little more than usual. It's just feels nagging at times towards me and my spending habits. Even though we are financially secure. I recently was on a business trip this last week in which things got a little crazy one night at a bar. The whole preface of that night was for me to get rip roaring drunk as I didn't want to be at this meeting which I did accomplish but has led me to this scenario which I will now explain: Me and some coworkers ended up at our final bar around 8pm and we planned on staying no later than 10pm as have an early next morning. We were having a good time and somehow struck up conversation with this young attractive female and her two older coworkers who were male. It was normal conversation as first because we just chatted about work and exchanged information for networking but as time progressed I found myself and this female in our own little corner chatting away. It was like we were lost to each other in our own world. We talked about politics, activities, golf, fly fishing, her divorce last year, her parents, through out the entire night. I kept dropping the wife card in the beginning with her and she kept dropping how into me she was and was aggressive about it. Needless to as 9:30pm pm rolls around I decided to stay longer as did my coworkers I saw my coworkers were off in their own conversations. This female began to get a little more hands on - caressing of arms and hands over shoulder/back and continued with the subjects from earlier. A little later she mentions I've been dropping the wife card all night and I for some reason that I still don't understand I took off my wedding band and said look no more mention of wife. I'm going to probably blame this on my subconscious reminding me of the rough patch my wife and I are going through atm. She proceeds to tell me she doesn't want me to ruin my marriage but she would give me the best lay of my life tonight. I brush it off and continue talking. So a little later the the caressing of arms, hands over shoulder started to include from her running her fingers through my hair, kissing me on the cheek, as I shot down any making out. I did reciprocate the caressing of the arms and shoulders/back. We were totally into each other... So now 30 till bar close my coworker comes up and tells me I need to go back to my hotel alone and was persistent about it because he was about to leave with our other coworker as the were sharing an uber. So as bar close comes nearer I go to the bathroom to freshen up and see my wedding band still off. I feel like a mental slap hits me and I instantly put it back on and go what am I doing. I go back out see her order last call and started to share my beer with me even though she was drinking pino all night.. One of her male coworker friends start joking about getting laid and winking at me. I feel like I started to sober off and was making sure she didn't fall off her chair. A little later she wants to freshen up before we leave. I take this chance to close my tab quickly and just leave the bar by myself. I asked her other coworker friend if he could make sure she gets home safe and I jet before she comes out of the bathroom. He said he would as he was kinda of a family friend? I didn't know what that meant. I began walking back to my hotel by myself going WTF just happened. I began texting my coworker telling him I'm by myself and she calls me about 3 times over a span on 15 minutes. I ignore the call as I called my wife and kinda gave her a run down of the situation minus a lot of details as I was drunk. I came back into town on Thursday and gave my wife more details minus the part of how I took off my wedding ban and potentially let the scenario get worse. It told her about the arm caressing, fingers ran through the he hair, and her kissing me on the cheeks. My wife goes you went back to the hotel alone and called me drunk and talked to me for 45 minutes till you passed out - your fine just a sloppy drunk. On Friday my wife and I spar as we do MMA training and lands a low blow kick and as I drop to the floor she says to me that was her subconscious getting back at me. Our trainer giggles cuz he knows the story. So I brush it off and went about our normal sparring rounds and actually took it down a notch and let her unload a lot of hits. Since then she appears to be treating me normally. Now my issues: I almost cheated on my wife who I love. She has been through all my good and bad and is my rock. I know we are in a rough patch but it will pass. She has been complaing for a vacation back to Cabo. I told her most of the truth minus the parts that would hurt her. (wedding band removal). She lives by the don't tell me policy. I've also never ever cheated on her the 8 years we have been together and this is the first time it crossed my mind. I find it did bother her as she did tell my good friend who did text me the next day about it and told our trainer who is a close friend of ours after my first nights drunk confession. Now I also feel horrible as I led this other female on. The good side of me wants to believe she was into me. Part of me wants to believe it's her routine. Also part of me wants to contact this female and apologize because IDK what she is going through in her life. I know that is a horrible idea but I feel like a dick for potentially leading her on. IDK what to do here. I also am figuring out why I did this... One was the attention it was welcoming, it was new, and it was fresh. IDK. I'm also beating my self up over this as I did contemplate going home with with this female but came to my senses but their is a sense of the unknown. I guess I needed to get this off of my chest. I do appreciate any feedback and if it's harsh so be it. I just need to hear something as it's been plaguing me in my mind. Thanks for reading. You don;t owe this woman anything. She knew you were married and didn't care. Contacting her will likely lead you down a rabbit hole that you don't want to get in to. You acted like a heel, but so did she. 1
Alltohim Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 (edited) My friend please back off on the idea of beating yourself up. Just consider the fact you've been really open with your wife and she seems to know you rather well. Continue your openness and stop beating yourself up. For the future try to keep your mind on the wife if you truly still love her. I applaud you for not pursuing this gal any farther than you did, after a while you had ah-ha moment and realized what was happening. Good for you. So keep open and tell your wife that you really care and love her, she will appreciate it. In the future though keep your nose clean by avoiding this kind situation at all costs. Better to have a clear boundaries up front than to have regrets later. Edited May 18, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
sandylee1 Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 No apology is needed to the OW. She is a bit of a hussy who KNEW you were married and STILL was willing to sleep with you ...claiming it would be a great lay. She doesn't know your wife or any other lovers you've had. You came close to it .... you have have good friends who tried to get you away and back to the hotel. You did well to tell your wife about it. Just love your wife and get through that rough patch.
sandylee1 Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 BTW please block her number. Don't go round giving women your number. The woman was clearly an easy one ....
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