Can't get over sexual past, me understand her mentality?

[Chriscoco111]

Basically I'm 21 and she's 19, shes my first and She's had 7 different guys in her past when she was 18 while she went through a really bad depression where she would cut and burn herself. her step dad was abusive as in he'd hit her and her dad was always in prison. she would think about suicide and just wasn't happy. When I ask her about her past she tells me she didn't feel any pleasure at all, she didn't even have a single orgasm or get wet. She says she felt like she was sleep walking and felt numb all those times and didn't care if she died. She says she doesn't know why she did it all those times, and she says she didn't know guys like me existed, and that I'm the only happiness she's ever had in her life. I love her beyond words and our love for each other will never change, but this does bother me. Btw I'm her first everything else even with no condom, so there's that at least. It's been 4 months together and she's just perfect but it does hurt. What's could possibly be her mentality at the time? This was throughout last year 2015, she didn't do it for pleasure or as an escape from the pain so what could it be? Help!

[seamos]

First of all you are both young enough that there are plenty of experiences and changes in store for both of you. Her 7 probably don't amount to all that in reality. I'm just trying to speak from experience here because I married the first two girls I kissed and both of them had many, many, experiences before me so I know how that can feel and affect your confidence. I don't, however, have any firm advice to give you or an explanation of why. I can only tell you what I've learned from experience. (I'm almost 50 now).

 

First of all it does nothing but harm to talk to her about it as if she did something wrong. She didn't, it was before you, and you probably wouldn't even know about it if she hadn't trusted you enough to tell you. So even tho this really messes with your mind right now don't let it drive more of a wedge between you.

 

I think getting over this takes a lot of time and patience on your end. Even tho it wasn't the reason for my first two divources I never really got over the sexual discrepancy of either but it does get easier over time and if the relationship itself is in good shape.

 

The condition of your relationship needs to be based on what happens since you have been together and nothing from the past should be allowed to affect it. I know this isn't an easy answer but it's the best I can give.

 

Another thing is don't try to make up for the discrepancy during your relationship. I know this may sound like crazy talk but don't suggest or accept an offer of another girl joining for a threesome. Trust me, that won't repair any problems that are already there.

 

If she is the one for you then you need to know it's going to take time and patience to get over the feelings you have about your different pasts.

 

As to why she chose to be with that many guys that early in life who knows, there are a lot of reasons beyond love or desire, and that applies to both women and men.

 

Good luck.

[elaine567]

Basically I'm 21 and she's 19, shes my first and She's had 7 different guys in her past when she was 18 while she went through a really bad depression where she would cut and burn herself. her step dad was abusive as in he'd hit her and her dad was always in prison. she would think about suicide and just wasn't happy. !

 

People who have been abused and neglected tend to look for comfort and validation and love wherever they can get it.

NO doubt your gf attracted a lot of guys to her and she probably mistook the cuddling, kissing and sex for love, love that was sorely missing in her life.

Unfortunately, I guess some of those men used her, so she had to go find another to fill her need for love, hence her high number at a young age.

If she is happy with you, then great, but I note you are not using a condom, I hope she is using reliable contraception as a baby into this mix would not be a good idea.

Is she on medication for her depression? In therapy?

[jen1447]

I'd be less worried about the number 7 (not an objectively large number) and more worried about the circumstances surrounding them. If she has emotional issues you may be able to help her with those, which I assume you'd want to do if you really love her.