noelle303 Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 Hi everyone, this is my first time posting in this section. Since having my daughter, who is 5, I haven't been in an actual relationship on my own choosing. I've had dates and stuff but I've avoided commitment. Now, about three years ago, I met a guy at my old job. From the very beginning we had a very flirtatious relationship and about two months into it we ended up together during a work outing. Now, for the next year we ended up in a sort of friends with benefits situation, we became really close as friends and sporadically we would end up together. Anyway, he wanted a relationship at the time, but I explained to him that with school (I was in grad school.at the time), work and motherhood there is no way I have time for a relationship and that I don't want to bring him into my daughter's life because she is too little. He understood, we agreed, everything was fine. Two years ago, after I finished my degree, I changed jobs and we lost touch. During that time I was only focused on my daughter and my career. A few weeks ago, he popped into my life again. We randomly ran into each other and started talkinh again. He asked me out saying that maybe now is a better time to start things and I am reluctant to accept. I like this guy, a lot. And I am in a better position now as far as being done with school. I am also in the process of forming an agreement with my daughter's dad that she goes to his house every other weekend, while before it was just me and no one else to help me. But, I am nervous that if this relationship continues and gets serious that eventually he'll want to meet her and I don't know if I am ready for that at all. What if he does meet her, even years down the line, and we don't end up working out? I am also worried that he won't be able to handle dating me and understanding the responsibilities that come with parenthood, he is only 24. Is this something I tackle and talk to him about prior? What do you guys think? I just don't want to do something selfish that might have an effect on my daughter's life. How do single moms date?
lilmissjava Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 The only thing I can tell you is that the guy has to know what he is signing up for. You won't be able to dedicate ALL your time to him, if he is smart, he would know that. You come as a package deal. You also have to understand that you deserve a life and there is absolutely nothing selfish about that. You will find a way to make it work. I wouldn't worry so much about the what if's but focus more on the here and now and just get to know each other all over again for now. Good luck! 1
Shanex Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 As written above, smart guys know that these single mom with a young child will focus on their offspring. If hes fine with that, consider yourself lucky. Many men would not date a mom especially with children way too young to leave the nest because their sons or daughter as a priority will bug them in the long run. Women arent necessarily more willing to date a single father from experience in my family. My father struggled to date and his different partners when I was a child triggered a lot of unjustified tantrums. 1
Author noelle303 Posted May 8, 2016 Author Posted May 8, 2016 Thanks for the replies. I don't know why I'm still so worried, before her I was completely careless about dating, it came completely natural to me. Now I'm worried about everything, and wondering if the whole thing will even be worth it. At one point I even wondered whether to put off dating until after she is more independent and able to stay at home alone but then again that won't happen for another decade.
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