LoverCub90 Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 Not sure why he did. But I need opinions on this. Things didn't end that great that night, but it wasn't something a normal couple wouldn't have been able to work through. I'm confused. Why is he sending this? Why is he ending things? Does he really mean goodbye? "Ok... so not sure how to start this. Been thinking about what I want and need to say. Wish I could have a real conversation with you. But we both know that can’t happen. This isn’t a letter of hatred or bitterness. Keep that in mind as you read it. Because I know that’s always been an issue for us. Tone and meaning get lost in text. Hopefully you get the context of this letter. First off, I want to apologize. I’m so sorry for everything. That last 24 hours we were together, just shouldn’t have gone down like that. I keep replaying it over and over in my head. I shouldn’t have walked away from you. And, I shouldn’t have let you drive away and out of my life. But what’s done is done. No going back. I think that was just the proof that we can’t and shouldn’t be together. Our emotions are just too high. We keep telling each other that they’re in check. But they’re not, and I don’t know if they ever will be. This sucks! I feel like I lost my best friend. I sit here alone in my room at night, not knowing what to do with myself. No more phone calls to look forward to. I feel so empty. Like my chest is hollow. No more bull****ting around on the phone with you. No more heart to hearts. no more falling asleep on the phone with you because you brought me peace and comfort. I’m really going to miss those nights. I just want you to know, I don’t hate you. I’m not even mad at you. I hope you feel the same way. Although, I wouldn’t blame you if you did. I deserve it. I really ****ed things up this time. I’m so sorry!!! I wanted to write you an actual letter because you deserve it more than just a simple text. This is my official goodbye to you. I’m deleting all your contact info. I’ll not longer have your number or your address. So you won’t have to worry about me reaching out to you. This doesn’t mean that I’ve blocked you. You don’t deserve that. Not like Matt and the lesbian. Those 2 were complete *******s to me. You never were. So I’m not going to do that to you. Deleting you will just make it easier for the both of us. I won’t be tempted to reach out to you and **** with your life again. You don’t need that hassle. And if and when I ever decide to get Facebook or Instagram again. I won’t be blocking you from there either. I won’t be adding you. But I won’t be blocking you. You don’t deserve that treatment. And if I ever come across you on social media or in real life (it’s happened a few times with the lesbian), I’ll simply pass you online or give you a friendly nod in person. No need to be cruel to eachother. I would say “let’s be friends.” But I already know I won’t be able to handle being just your friend. I know I’ve said in the past that I would be happy for you if you ever found someone new to make you happy. And I would be. Because you’re deserving of that. But I would be dying inside. The thought of you being happy with someone else, hurts so bad!! I can’t imagine what it would be like when it actually happens. That’s why I’m giving you your freedom. The less I know about you, the better it will be for me. For my own peace of mind. I know it’s selfish of me. But that’s the only way I can think of to protect myself. I don’t want to be heartbroken again. So even though you won’t be blocked by me. Your stuff will still be private. Because I don’t want to look at your social media and see something I know will break my heart. Whether it’s you happy with someone else. Or you possibly sick, or worse. I just don’t want to know. Because I don’t want to keep grieving. I need to let you go. I’ll also be deleting my family facebook in the meantime. I can’t go into my messages without seeing your thumbnail. Even that hurts me to see. So until I know I can be strong enough to see your face without crying, I’m going to make it so I can’t accidentally come across you on there. Only way to do that is deactivate. I also deleted all our pics together and the ones of just you. Couldn’t look at them without breaking down. Was thinking of printing them out and sending them to you. Just so they can still exist somewhere out there. But if I can’t look at them, it wouldn’t be fair to make you look at them either. You need to move on too. Doesn’t mean I’ll ever forget them or you. You will forever be in my memories. Moving on and letting go, doesn’t mean forgetting. I will never forget you! You were a part of my life and continue to be a part of my life. In memory. I love you. This is the hardest letter I’ve ever had to write. My heart is aching and I can’t stop crying. But this needs to be done. For both our sakes. It can’t hurt this bad if the love between us wasn’t real. It can’t hurt this bad if it wasn’t that strong. The way I’m feeling right now....... That must’ve been hercules level strong. Take what happened to us and learn from it. It will only make you stronger and wiser. Make you better for the next guy who’s lucky enough to come into your life. Whether that be next week, next month, next year, or even next decade. I envy the guy who gets to call you his. Even if it takes you a few tries to finally get the right one. Just know that each guy who has a chance at dating you, their life will improve much more by having you in it. You truly are the best. And deserve the best. I hope you find peace. I hope you find comfort. I hope you find love. I’m going to miss you so much!!! Thank you for always being there for me. Even when I didn’t deserve it. Was lucky to have you in my life as long as I did. You truly are one of a kind. Thank you for your friendship. Thank you for your love. Thank you for being you. Wish you all the best. Goodbye Richard. With much love, respect, and appreciation; F. Stevens aka Snugglecub aka - the ******* aka - the ****up aka - the one who let you get away"
gimlynick Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 He needs closure. He will stick to NC from his side... I don't know what has happened in those 24 hours ( cheating? Lying? Physical abuse? ), but it seems like he feels very bad about it. The ball is in your camp, so you can choose to keep it, or to play with it and see what happens. I don't think that you have to expect to hear something from him anymore unless you break the NC
WhatsWhat Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 Reading that made me cry Does he feel like he just can't live up to you or was your relationship really that volatile? He cares and loves you but I'm not sure where that leaves you.
Author LoverCub90 Posted May 8, 2016 Author Posted May 8, 2016 (edited) He needs closure. He will stick to NC from his side... I don't know what has happened in those 24 hours ( cheating? Lying? Physical abuse? ), but it seems like he feels very bad about it. The ball is in your camp, so you can choose to keep it, or to play with it and see what happens. I don't think that you have to expect to hear something from him anymore unless you break the NC First off.. I didn't expect anyone to reply. Thank you so much! I hope this long post doesn't deter anyone from replying, but this is the basics of what happened. I really DO need some replies to this: this man means a lot to me and I love him with all my heart. I didn't cheat, lie, or physically abuse him. We're both guys. We were ignoring eachother on our phones. I drove up 2 and a half hours to see him.. I hadn't seen him in 2 weeks. I felt like he was being very standoffish (first time it's happened in a while but we were both being overly sensitive that day). I get upset and walk out and say "I'm going home" and I felt like he didn't want me there (some other stuff happened in the day). He sits in the car and we're talking about why I was upset. He said he got upset because I got quiet in the house, but he wasn't talking either. I tell him why and we have communicated pretty awesome in the past: that was our flaw. He kept asking, "Do you want to leave and have this to be over?" by the third time: I said, "I don't know". It felt like he possibly wanted to end it. So it was weird we had a miscommunication like this again. I ask him a question about why he left in October early: it was something random on my mind. He said he had to leave because of his dog barking at home in October when he visited me up in Pismo. A couple weeks ago when I was up at his friends visiting him (only place we can be ourselves without family judging him) he says he can leave his dog home and he'll stop barking after an hour. I had asked about it. He goes.. were you calling me a liar? I just said no. I was asking a simple question because it felt like you left early that day, we had only spent an hour and a half with eachother. He then told me, "when you took psych in school it may have messed with your head and it made you paranoid." Then asked again.. "Do you want this to be over and you're gonna go drive home?" I said "I think so" out of being hurt he was calling me paranoid and all the stuff with him being stand-offish throughout the day... I said "yeah I think so". He still had the ring I gave him in his car, and all the stuff I gave him. Along with this letter he sent, he sent all my stuff back and said what everything meant to him in the other short letter. I stayed all night that night, apologized. He didn't want to talk. He was hurt. He was being incredibly rude. Which is why he was so sorry in the letter. And why he said "I shouldn't have let you leave".. but I told him "I didn't want to go but I didn't feel welcome here". It was his best friends house and I had only met her once. He kept hiding in the room when I tried to talk about it. This was the next morning and afternoon. He just kept saying: "There's nothing to talk about, it's over. You ended it last night" over a text. He came out and I tried talking to him, he walked away. Just was incredibly rude (he was hurt over this). We were working on getting back together for a while: and he had broken up with me before because I talked to my best friend (my ex) about the first fight we had. He said I responded to that rude when I said "I didn't know it was a rule to not be able to talk to my best friend about a fight" and we broke up. That was January of 2015... We've been friends ever since and recently decided to try and get back together. I need advice.. I'm super in love with this man. So badly. I would do anything for this to work. If this is the end: I'll accept it. It's been 2 weeks since the letter and I haven't replied... what do I do? Edited May 8, 2016 by LoverCub90
gimlynick Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 I don't know what you have to do... If you are in love with him, I'd go for it. Give it one more try. You know him better then anyone else, so it's up to you how to make contact again. I understand him of being jealous that your best friend is your ex... I am not sure if this is something 'common' in holebi relations, but for me this sounds very weird. I don't think that anyone over here has this... I mean, some people still can see their ex in a normal way, or even be friends. But being best friends with your ex, which kinda means talking about your relation problems and stuff like that, that's really weird??? If your reconciliation doesn't work, just forget it. It will be hard, but if your characters don't work together it will never work. Good luck
Author LoverCub90 Posted May 9, 2016 Author Posted May 9, 2016 I don't know what you have to do... If you are in love with him, I'd go for it. Give it one more try. You know him better then anyone else, so it's up to you how to make contact again. I understand him of being jealous that your best friend is your ex... I am not sure if this is something 'common' in holebi relations, but for me this sounds very weird. I don't think that anyone over here has this... I mean, some people still can see their ex in a normal way, or even be friends. But being best friends with your ex, which kinda means talking about your relation problems and stuff like that, that's really weird??? If your reconciliation doesn't work, just forget it. It will be hard, but if your characters don't work together it will never work. Good luck Well not "best friends" but he's a good friend to talk about stuff with, offer advice, etc. My ex and I dated when I was 18 for 6 months: and I'm 26 now. So almost a decade now.
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