Another tale of woe and sadness

[JR2016]

Broke up with my gf last week. Her decision. It came completely out of the blue.

We'd been together for 6 months, but quickly fell intensely in love. Things were perfect. We spoke of marriage and kids, we were wonderful together, perfectly matched, same tastes in music, tv, comedy. We sometimes made each other cry laughing, never had one argument or cross word. We occasionally disagreed about politics, but it didn't seem a big deal.

Last week she suddenly seemed very off with me. I was away working in Spain (I'm a truck driver) and we'd spoken and texted all day every day, everything was fine, we talked of going on holiday, then the last day I was there she seemed different. Said she'd been upset about some political views I'd expressed (I'm not particularly extreme) and said she couldn't see things working long term. We agreed to speak when I got back.

I had a 20 hours drive from Barcelona to London so had plenty of time to think what to say.

The gist was that we have a great thing between us and should at least try to make it work.

I gave her the presents I'd already bought her and a few things for her little 2 year old son.

She said she'd been dwelling on things for a while and had made her mind up, it was over.

That was Tuesday. It's now Saturday.

No contact since then, but we're still friends on fb.

Pathetically, I've been constantly checking her page.

I've had breakups before but this has hit me hard because I adored her and thought we were perfect together.

Been reading this forum and one piece of advice was "focus on what you didn't like about her".

I wish I hadn't read that cos it made me feel worse.

There wasn't a thing about her that I didn't love.

I am overwhelmingly sad.

Tearful every day.

What makes it worse is that I'm 45 (she 31) and I don't think I'll have that kind of love again.

I miss her so much.

I have nodody to talk to, my entirely worldly possessions are in my car.

I'm having trouble coping.

She has had lots of boyfriends and she's always been the one to end things.

I overheard a conversation with her mum once, she was telling her this relationship was genuine and she loved me, and her mum says "you say that about every man you meet and it never lasts".

That was a warning sign.

 

Ah well...Just keep going I suppose.

 

Had some very dark thoughts this week, hoping they'll pass, but worried they might not.

Edited May 7, 2016 by JR2016
spelling

[Marco Valerio]

Well , I pretty much believe she used a lame excuse to break up. The best thing to do, so you don't become obsess with her, right now, is to delete her from FB and other social media. Give yourself some time before you contact her, that way you will be in a better place emotionally.

[JR2016]

I know you're probably thinking she met someone else, but I don't think that's the case. We had spoken and texted literally all the time, plus she was at home with her kid.

[deadparrot]

I don't think Marco Valerio was implying she met someone else, just that deleting her from social media is one of the first steps to getting over the relationship, and he's absolutely right.

 

You're never going to move on if you're continually tempted to check out what's she's up to, if she's seeing anyone, etc.

[Marco Valerio]

Deadparrot is right . I'm not implying a third party in the break up. I do not know the specifics of the relationship and the break up. But I can tell you one thing, stalking an ex is never good

[Satu]

Sorry to hear that you're suffering.

 

 

You have to make your own wellbeing your sole focus.

 

Pay attention to your own needs.

 

 

1. Recognise that you're still in the crisis phase. You are very hurt, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce.

 

2. Don't suppress your feelings or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps.

 

3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right.

 

4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person.

 

5. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will love again.

 

6. Take care of your body:

 

Eat enough and eat healthily.

Drink enough water. Thats 2 litres a day for a male.

Get a bit more rest than you think you need.

Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous.

If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor.

 

7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn.

 

8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex:

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do.

 

10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate.

 

11. Post here as often as you want to.

 

 

Take care.