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LTR Relationship What does he want from me?

Phonebooth

By Phonebooth
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Phonebooth New Member

Phonebooth

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Posted (edited)

Hi.

Please help.

We were together 4 years

Suddenly he broke up with me. It wasn't out of the blue I could see it coming as he has expressed a lot of "doubts" not sure if I was the one. We did go on a break about 2 years ago for a week but we got back together and things were fine. He used to refer to me as his soul mate etc.

now we have broken up he has turned into a massive jerk deliberately showing off his conquests to friends at parties which I am there making it awkward for everyone. At the same time he keeps texting me asking for us to meet for me to give him life advice or hang out as friends. I rejected this offer as it hurts too much and then next time I see him is boasting about a date he has taking her to something he knew would have been my ideal. I asked him to stop being such a jerk if he wants any hope of us being friends in the future but sadly he has continued. I have asked him to leave me alone.

Please can you help surely when you dump someone you want nothing to do with them so why does he keep trying to text me and trick me into hanging out.

I went for drinks with him 2 weeks after the break up and he said it hadn't been enough time for him to know if the break up was the right decision.

I just can't believe someone who said they loved you could act like such a jerk after they left you. I haven't begged or even initiated any contact since.

I know I should move on a find someone better but we have a lot of mutuals and live in the same halls and have class together so avoiding him is impossible.

 

Please can you let me know your thoughts about the situation I am so mad at myself for still loving someone who has treated me with such disrespect. Btw our relationship wasn't like this he was your typical "nice guy" albeit very immature at times but always considerate.

 

Also very strange his whole personality has completely changed like he wears terrible clothes now that he used to say he hated on men. It is like a different person I can't even recognise this person to the one I used to date. I feel like he is going through a quarter life crisis or a bit of a breakdown but that doesn't excuse his behaviour at all.

I am also really sad that a long relationship where we're best friends has now ended on such a sour note because of his behaviour which seems out to deliberately hurt me :(. When we broke up he was like you are my best friend, I still love you and he cried more than me.

I am currently in NC forever to help me heal.

 

Thank you in advance for your advice

Edited by Phonebooth
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Since he is now your EX, NC is your best bet. Let him do whatever he pleases & try not to think about it. He is of no consequence to you at this point. Your only job is to heal yourself.

 

I suspect a lot of what he's doing especially the showing off is to fool everything including himself into thinking he's more OK then he really is.

 

It doesn't matter though. As your Ex, he's not your problem.

BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted

It's actually pretty common for an ex to still keep some kind of attachment to a person they dumped. Look around LS, and you will see that is often the case. It can be for any number of reasons, but none of those reasons involve wanting you back. Most likely, he wants you on good terms to keep as Option B, wants to keep you around for sex in the future, wants the ego boost, or might even feel somewhat guilty. I would go NC right away because any contact will just make you look pathetic to him and will prohibit you from moving on.

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

He dumped you, so he is likely no longer invested in you.

So he sees you as just like anyone else he knows, he doesn't get it that you are hurt, as he isn't hurting.

He wants to be friends and keep you in his life, but friends share a lot including speaking about who they are dating.

That is why dumpees cannot be friends with dumpers.

Go NC and protect your heart.

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Phonebooth New Member

Phonebooth

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Posted

Thanks guys,

I think i needed to hear that.

I did speak to him about not being a jerk and warned him that I will grow to hate him / never speak to him again. He was like he really doesn't want me to hate him admitted his behaviour was childish and hurtful and didn't understand why he was doing it.

However after I turned down his latest request to "catch up" I asked him nicely to give me some space whilst I work out things in my head about how I feel.

he has gone back to being a major jerk. :(

 

How can you do NC with someone you have to see everyday I mean every single day who goes out of their way to make sure you hear updates about their life. I have blocked him from all social media deleted contact details everything.

 

Please help I really want to move on with my life and forget he ever existed :(

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