normality Posted June 20, 2005 Posted June 20, 2005 hi, i am very new in this whole dating game so am very confused as to what's going on with this new boy I met. I've been on a 4 dates with this guy now, seeing each other once a week. We've already progressed to a sexual relationship. After spending the night with me, i would not hear from him for 2-3 days. The last time I didn't hear from him for 3 days. I guess I have a few questions: 1. Is this normal to see someone only once a week? Or does this mean he's not too interested? 2. Does the fact that he waits 2 to 3 days to call me means he's not interested? 3. Does this seeing each other once a week thing continues for a while? 4. What if i want to see him more than once a week? 5. if i ask that we see more of each other, will it scare him away? Also, i just found out that he hasn't been in a relationship in 4 years. That's a long time I think for someone who looks like him. He's really hot.
Marshbear Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by normality 1. Is this normal to see someone only once a week? Or does this mean he's not too interested? Yes, at the beginning. 2. Does the fact that he waits 2 to 3 days to call me means he's not interested? No. He's being patient and not moving to fast. 3. Does this seeing each other once a week thing continues for a while? Depends. I think it will pick up of you two are really into each other. 4. What if i want to see him more than once a week? Tell him that you think once a week is not enough of seeing is overpowering man persence. 5. If I ask that we see each other more than once a week, will it scare him away? I doubt it, unless he's just not that into you or he is very busy and doesn't have the time.
laRubiaBonita Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 sounds like a sexual relationship to me. and that is all.
normality Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by laRubiaBonita sounds like a sexual relationship to me. and that is all. Really? Why do you say that? Is it because if he's into more than a sexual relationship, he'll see me more often? What happened to taking it slow?
J dub Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 It sounds to me like he hasnt been in a committed relationship for four years but he has been dating plenty. Either he is playing games by calling so infrequently or he's got other ladies holding up his time. Does he plan a date in advance and ask you at the beginning of the week to go out for the weekend? Maybe he is using you as his last minute date? Sorry I am not trying to offend but usually when I guy really likes someone he comes on stronger.
noname Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by normality Really? Why do you say that? Is it because if he's into more than a sexual relationship, he'll see me more often? What happened to taking it slow? nope. i think laRubiaBonita is saying that because that is exactly what it is. a sexual relationship. you said so yourself in the first post. the once a week thing doesn't really mean that much. that can be healthy for some. he may spend more time with you if asked but that does not mean that he wants more than sex. what exactly do you mean by taking it slow?
crazy_grl Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by normality What happened to taking it slow? From my experiences, when someone's 'taking it slow', they don't sleep with the person.
normality Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Well, he's really busy and so am I. He has games on tuesday, thursday and sundays, and i don't go out on mondays. So we've only been able to see other on wednesday or fridays. Saturdays he usually has his own plans and I have my own plans, so we haven't seen been able to see each other on saturdays yet. I know he's not dating other people because, frankly, I don't know where he would have the time. I guess what i mean by taking it slow is that we are getting to know each other before becoming exclusive in the bf/gf sense (we are not sleeping around and are not sleeping with other people). I know it's too early to have any sort of "talk". I'm just curious as to whether seeing each other once a week is considered normal or whether that's a sign of "he's not into me" but doesn't want to give up on the sex. Also, does sexual relationships necessary get to the point where they don't become real relationships?
noname Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl From my experiences, when someone's 'taking it slow', they don't sleep with the person. insert "chuckle" here...
Artscrafter Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Huh. I'd have thought that the usual pattern was to do the "exclusive talk" before people started having sex. What odd definitions of taking it slow we have these days... Also, does sexual relationships necessary get to the point where they don't become real relationships?Not necessarily, but sometimes. It's called FWB. And it tends to happen when the people involved focus on the sex and pretty much nothing else.
normality Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by Artscrafter Huh. I'd have thought that the usual pattern was to do the "exclusive talk" before people started having sex. What odd definitions of taking it slow we have these days... Not necessarily, but sometimes. It's called FWB. And it tends to happen when the people involved focus on the sex and pretty much nothing else. Thank you all for your perspectives. Is that what it is now, you think? Though we go out and do things together, is it really just a FWB relationships? So how do i be sure what it is? Do we do the talk? Isn't it too early? Should i see him for a bit longer and then have the talk?
noname Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by normality Well, he's really busy and so am I. He has games on tuesday, thursday and sundays, and i don't go out on mondays. So we've only been able to see other on wednesday or fridays. Saturdays he usually has his own plans and I have my own plans, so we haven't seen been able to see each other on saturdays yet. I know he's not dating other people because, frankly, I don't know where he would have the time. I guess what i mean by taking it slow is that we are getting to know each other before becoming exclusive in the bf/gf sense (we are not sleeping around and are not sleeping with other people). I know it's too early to have any sort of "talk". I'm just curious as to whether seeing each other once a week is considered normal or whether that's a sign of "he's not into me" but doesn't want to give up on the sex. Also, does sexual relationships necessary get to the point where they don't become real relationships? it is perfectly normal. you just said yourself that you have busy schedules. it is a sign of nothing specific. anything can happen. sexual relationships can turn into committed relationships and vice versa... who knows what the future holds for you? try asking him...
kellyp1 Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 That should be your red flag. When he makes plans every Saturday after dating you for 4 weeks, it is just sex to him. Not that it can't grow into more, but probably not.
normality Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Originally posted by kellyp1 That should be your red flag. When he makes plans every Saturday after dating you for 4 weeks, it is just sex to him. Not that it can't grow into more, but probably not. Even if we saw each other on Friday the first and second time we were together and then he was out of town the following weekend. And the third time we saw each other on a Wednesday? Is it doom then? I guess the consensus is that he's just using me for sex?
Pendawn Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 When you say games, do you mean RPGs? if so, i think you have found RPG man. My bf is exactly the same (I see him once or twice a week, and we chat on the phone every couple of days, plus the odd text here and there) and I know of at least one other women. Seems guys into RPG can't seem to spare too many nights for dating. You either expect it, know it's nothing to do with him not liking you, just that the games are his passion. Or decide you need a guy that's around more and move on.
Artscrafter Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Allow me to clarify my post a bit: I wasn't saying that your relationship had definitely lapsed into a pretty much sex-only thing, but since you were asking whether such things happened I figured I'd define it for you. He might be using you for sex, and he might not, but the only way you'll know is to find out for yourself. So how do i be sure what it is? Do we do the talk? Isn't it too early? Should i see him for a bit longer and then have the talk?If the two of you are sleeping together and you want your relationship to be more serious/exclusive, then it's already time to have the talk. From a guy's perspective, if you're already sleeping with him, you're not going to make him more likely to want a serious, exclusive relationship by putting off defining what it is you have together. (In other words, if he wants a relationship, the talk will be welcome. If he doesn't, waiting won't help.) Best of luck.
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