It was her "work friend"

[Globe]

So today I got "broken up with"... That's really the dumbest term to use for what I had with this girl so let me explain. In August I found this girl on OkCupid who I thought was pretty great. We kept trying to arrange to meet and stuff but we'd always end up in small arguments just before we did and we never ended up meeting. We were meant to meet up today, but last night she told me that her feelings towards me had changed and that it was not going to happen. I've spent 8 months messaging this girl all day every day and this came kind of as a surprise... except it wasn't much of a surprise. See, a month ago she started working with this guy, and every night she'd tell me what a great guy he is - and she told me that she still wanted me. Then last night she tells me that she's breaking things off. When I asked why she said it's because of all the small lies I tell her that built up to a point where she can't trust anything I say (I deny that). So I said upfront "it's another guy, isn't it?". She said it is. I said "I'd ask if it was the guy you work with but you told me he's just a friend". So she said "No, you're right again, it's him".

 

This is going to sound like the most pathetic "breakup" of all time considering: (1) met online; (2) never met in person; and (3) live pretty far away. But it doesn't stop me from hurting really bad right now. This is the first time something like this has really happened to me and I've never felt worse...

[TaraMaiden2]

So... You've actually never even met her, am I right?

 

Analyse precisely what it is that has shattered you so much, if you haven't even so much as laid eyes on the woman.

 

Tear it to shreds. look for that essential basic cause of your feeling.

 

Don't just accept the 'broken up' description.

If you've never met her, you've already argued, postponed, prevaricated and been two-timed - what the heck are you really so deeply upset about?

Deep down?

What is it?

 

Reduce it to a one-word definition.

 

Then you'll find it much easier to face the hurt head-on and deal with it.

[Globe]

So... You've actually never even met her, am I right?

 

Analyse precisely what it is that has shattered you so much, if you haven't even so much as laid eyes on the woman.

 

Tear it to shreds. look for that essential basic cause of your feeling.

 

Don't just accept the 'broken up' description.

If you've never met her, you've already argued, postponed, prevaricated and been two-timed - what the heck are you really so deeply upset about?

Deep down?

What is it?

 

Reduce it to a one-word definition.

 

Then you'll find it much easier to face the hurt head-on and deal with it.

 

We'd never met but we'd spent a lot of time on the phone and video chat.

 

I can't even find it in me to analyse it right now, my head is just mush

[smudge21]

Feelings can still develop even if you never meet someone, but understand that for the most part, you have fallen for the person you believe her to be, not who she really is. You never met. Your relationship was just words. In affect you fell for a character in a novel, the person she was able to be over the phone/text. Despite all this, none of us control our feelings or who we fall for. With that said, you just have treat this in the same way most people do when there's a break up. Follow the No Contact guide and stick to it (trust me, it will be easier then it is for some as at least she's not always around). Try to understand that as much as you felt this strongly for her, she clearly didn't feel it the same way. As someone who has been through a LDR which involved a lot of phone/text communication, words can say a lot but you never truly know what's going on or how they're feeling outside of those conversations. That's something only a one to one connection can tell you. It will get easier, but you need to give it time.

[LostOnes05]

I'm going to validate your feelings for her, for just a moment. So you really liked her. But think about it from this perspective. Some people do online dating as an ego boost (as you have learned or will learn). Many of them aren't even interested in meeting up. Others are serial daters and only want to have someone to go out with, but no escalation (fine, if agreed upon). Somewhere in there are the ones who just want an ego boost...to be seen talking and texting someone. If the person they are actually interested in has any type of attraction to them, that will draw them even closer. Think about it...

 

1)pretty girl likes a guy, but sure if he likes her

2)she loves attention

3) fastest way to attract someone you think might like you, is to take your attraction/attention away from them

4) So now the guy sees her smile at her phone, etc. and realizes either he has to make a move or that you're the virtual boyfriend.

5) He moves in and she is perceptive because she wanted him all along. She was just using you as a place holder. Why do you think it was fine with her to cancel meeting or argue everytime you were set to meet up.

 

Now chances are you'll never hear from her again. But if you do, treat her as someone you text out of boredom...nothing more.

[salparadise]

We kept trying to arrange to meet and stuff but we'd always end up in small arguments just before we did and we never ended up meeting.

 

I've spent 8 months messaging this girl all day every day and this came kind of as a surprise... except it wasn't much of a surprise. See, a month ago she started working with this guy, and every night she'd tell me what a great guy he is...

 

You're young-young aren't you? I get that it feels miserable, but what happened is that this girl is a manipulator and you bought into a fantasy that she created for you. It was never real, you developed feelings for someone you never met. Now you're suffering the loss of something that never even existed, except as fantasy.

 

Never get invested before you've even met. When doing online dating, if they refuse to meet drop'em quick. If there is mutual interest initially ask for a date after a few messages. If they haven't agreed after a couple of days (at most) go silent. If they contact you again, ask for the date but don't chit-chat. If they won't meet, drop'em. Let me explain why.... oh yea, you already know that part.

[Globe]

You're young-young aren't you? I get that it feels miserable, but what happened is that this girl is a manipulator and you bought into a fantasy that she created for you. It was never real, you developed feelings for someone you never met. Now you're suffering the loss of something that never even existed, except as fantasy.

 

Never get invested before you've even met. When doing online dating, if they refuse to meet drop'em quick. If there is mutual interest initially ask for a date after a few messages. If they haven't agreed after a couple of days (at most) go silent. If they contact you again, ask for the date but don't chit-chat. If they won't meet, drop'em. Let me explain why.... oh yea, you already know that part.

 

I'm 23 - but this had been my first "relationship" since I was 19. She keeps telling me she's sorry and she wants to be friends and a part of me thinks I'm just dumb enough to agree to it.

 

She told me I'm a great guy and that she never meant to fall for the guy she works with... But she said he makes her feel excited and I don't...

[triple-s]

met online and never MET ? cmon man ....

 

SERIOUSLY . I call infatuation at work here bro .

 

You need to date some REAL women and meet them in person . UGH . dude

 

SERIOUSLY . you said it .. IT IS DUMB