How can build confidence when talking to women?

[rayan1]

What are some practical ways that can build confidence when talking to women

[smudge21]

I would imagine you do just fine talking to women... as long as you're not attracted to them initially. I know for me, I can talk the talk with anyone anywhere; men, women, vegetables, it doesn't matter. However, swap that for a woman I'm attracted to from the first moment, someone who is my "type" or at least catches my eye, then I do struggle. I know why too. As the above poster says, it's all about the outcome.

 

When you talk to most people, it's just conversation. When you talk to someone you find attractive, you're thinking of the possibilities. Your words start to have meaning and you over think everything as you worry it may ruin your chances of something more. If you could train your brain to just see all women in the same way, as just people without the dating possibility, then maybe that would help. But good luck with that. I still can't and still fall foul of being tongue tied when around someone I like in that special way.

 

Opposite side of this is when I am talking to someone I don't get that attraction for, and I can be totally myself and they seem to enjoy that (shows confidence maybe). Now things have developed from these situations and then I've started to get attracted to them, which has led to me noticing the times I've started over thinking my words again.

 

I guess what I'm saying is there's no real quick fix, you just have to recognise the differences when you're talking to people and try to train yourself to be more relaxed. Not easy.

[The_Dork_Lard]

1) I once read a good piece of advice: when talking to a woman you're attracted to, imagine her as a cousin you've not seen for a while, and talk to her as you would to that cousin. Mix that with genuinely not caring about the outcome, as Smudge21 expressed, and you will likely appear confident.

 

2) Another good practical way is to begin monitoring your body language. Do you stand straight and as tall as you can? Do you make lots of eye contact? If so, do your eyes smile as you express opinions? Do you habitually touch your face nervously such as rubbing an eye? Do your shoulders slouch? Where are your hands when you're standing? Are they forming a protective little cup over your nether regions, or are they in front of you illustrating your points with purpose? Do you walk with purpose? Do you aim to engage every woman you walk past with eye contact? If they catch your eye, do you flash a little smile? Flashing a little wry smile is subtle, yet powerful.

 

3) Another practical tip is learning the difference between passive and active language, and incorporating it into the way you speak. For example, passive language has more words and talks about something, describing something. Active language always has less words and declares something powerfully, with more punch, making you more confident and not only appearing more confident. Example:

 

"I think I'm just gonna go and grab a packet of cigarettes" (passive)

"I'm going for cigarettes" (active)

 

The first line suggests a lack of confidence and an air of indecisiveness (I think) and (I'm just) - there are many unnecessary words. The second line leaves absolutely no doubt, here you're not describing what you're about to do, you're telling somebody what you are doing. That shows confidence, and is perceived when people sub-consciously process your speech.

 

So you're sure, here's another example; you decide which is the passive, and which is the active. Study both lines and try to decide why one sounds much more confident than the other. It's topical, and relates to online dating profiles.

 

"Friends would describe me as outgoing, ambitious, and hard working"

"I am outgoing, ambitious, and hard working"

 

 

4) Another practical tip is learning the power of suggestion. This works best in conjunction with active language. The power of suggestion works like this: nothing is possible until made possible, so a suggestion opens up what can possibly be. When an action is made a possibility in another's imagination, the recipient tends to imagine how that possibility will materialise. To suggest is an action in itself, it's active, and women love men who act rather than men who just be. So don't be afraid to push an envelope, or push buttons. It shows you know what you want, and how to get it. Though I may get flamed for saying this, I find most women are very suggestible and easily led. I find most women love direction to be laid out for them.

 

If you do make a suggestion, use active language, and as William Shakepeare pointed out: timing is everything. Example:

 

"I was wondering, if you're not doing anything Saturday, do you fancy going for a drink in town?" (passive, non directive)

"We'll go out on Saturday night, and get to know each other" (active, directive)

 

The second quote works because it's a suggestion, and it works better because it's spoken in active language, and it was said at the perfect moment, perhaps after a minute of rolling humour where you both laughed hard. Nothing is guaranteed to work, but is your best chance over the alternatives. However, you asked for practical tips to build confidence, and these will help in that endeavour.

 

If the second line is too direct for you, soften it slightly by adding more words, rendering it slightly more passive, and giving her a semblance of choice by perhaps turning it into a question:

 

"We'll [have to] go out on Saturday night, and get to know each other"

"[Let's say] we go out on Saturday night, and get to know each other [?]"

The bottom line? Be active, and take rejection on the chin!

 

 

Bonus tip:

 

5) Generally, well dressed men are to women what lingerie clad woman are to men. More or less. So make sure your clothes fit as well as possible, and are in good condition, and you'll feel VERY confident, which will translate as actual confidence. Plus, you'll already have an advantage over 95% of other men, leading to more confidence. I cannot emphasise the power of sharp dressing enough for one's confidence.

[d0nnivain]

Practice.

 

Talk to all people of all shapes, sizes, ages, & interest levels.

 

The art of conversation is like anything else. You get better with time.

[BlueIris]

Drop any sales pitch and talk to people to get to know them rather than to impress them or get something from them, i.e. detach from outcome. Your conversations will be more enjoyable all around, including for you.