WellHelloThere Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 I met a girl at a party just briefly. Then a week later she messaged me on a dating site. I asked her if she would like to get together sometime on the weekend. She said she has to work and had a family birthday party to go to and said to check back with her in a couple days to see if she could figure out a time on the weekend or not. So I checked back and she said she is sick and has to ask for a rain check. Now, I barely know her, so it's hard to tell if this is a polite let down or if the is really interested or not sure. But I did find out from a reliable source that she is actually sick. I'm not sure how to read her interest level. It seems like she is putting off making a decision. All I told her when she said she can't go out, was "Sorry, hope you feel better soon." My thoughts are that she said to check back once and I did. Then the rain check, so if she wants to go out, she should let me know when she can. 1
katiegrl Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 (edited) I met a girl at a party just briefly. Then a week later she messaged me on a dating site. I asked her if she would like to get together sometime on the weekend. She said she has to work and had a family birthday party to go to and said to check back with her in a couple days to see if she could figure out a time on the weekend or not. So I checked back and she said she is sick and has to ask for a rain check. Now, I barely know her, so it's hard to tell if this is a polite let down or if the is really interested or not sure. But I did find out from a reliable source that she is actually sick. I'm not sure how to read her interest level. It seems like she is putting off making a decision. All I told her when she said she can't go out, was "Sorry, hope you feel better soon." My thoughts are that she said to check back once and I did. Then the rain check, ------ ..... so if she wants to go out, she should let me know when she can. ^^ Just tell her that. Wait a few days and text her. Simply say, "I would still like to get together. Let me know when you're free, and we can plan something." Something like that. Edited May 7, 2016 by katiegrl
Author WellHelloThere Posted May 7, 2016 Author Posted May 7, 2016 ^^ Just tell her that. Wait a few days and text her. Simply say, "I would still like to get together. Let me know when you're free, and we can plan something." Something like that. Yeah,that makes sense. But it's also implied, since she asked for the rain check, that she will let me now when she becomes available. I'd like for her to take some initiative after I had already asked, then checked back as she asked me to do. My asking or checking back 3 times in a row seems excessive.
katiegrl Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 Yeah,that makes sense. But it's also implied, since she asked for the rain check, that she will let me now when she becomes available. I'd like for her to take some initiative after I had already asked, then checked back as she asked me to do. My asking or checking back 3 times in a row seems excessive. Oh I agree, I only suggested it in case she doesn't get back to you, assuming you will contact her again. If you do choose to go that route, wait few days, even a week. Assuming you are still interested in her. Ideally and hopefully, she will contact you though.
booboomane Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 Yep. Ball is in her court right now. I wouldn't push it too hard. Maybe if you haven't heard from her in a week or so check back with her while not bringing up any plans. (Just say hello, bring up something yall talked about, send a funny picture, etc) just to initiate contact and if she wants to hang she'll more than likely bring it up.
ASG Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 Hmm... no, the ball is not in her court. Because they've not gone out yet. And we all know most girls (myself included), would not reach out for the first date. Even if we asked for a rain check. So if you ARE interested, I'd suggest asking. Do it in a few days, like Thursday. And before she was sick, she said she had work and family things, so it was already most likely not gonna happen! IF she brushes you off next time you ask, then you said "ok, let me know when you're free then" and leave it with her. 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 I met a girl at a party just briefly. Then a week later she messaged me on a dating site. I asked her if she would like to get together sometime on the weekend. She said she has to work and had a family birthday party to go to and said to check back with her in a couple days to see if she could figure out a time on the weekend or not. So I checked back and she said she is sick and has to ask for a rain check. Now, I barely know her, so it's hard to tell if this is a polite let down or if the is really interested or not sure. But I did find out from a reliable source that she is actually sick. I'm not sure how to read her interest level. It seems like she is putting off making a decision. All I told her when she said she can't go out, was "Sorry, hope you feel better soon." My thoughts are that she said to check back once and I did. Then the rain check, so if she wants to go out, she should let me know when she can. Wow, SHE was the one that contacted you, just to blow you off. lol 1
MidwestUSA Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 Wow, SHE was the one that contacted you, just to blow you off. lol So people should proceed with a first date when they are ill? 3
Art_Critic Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 ^ Just take her words at face value, she asked for a rain check so you give her one... She wasn't feeling well.. so give her a few days and hit her up again and if she puts it off then just drop contact and move on. 1
Haydn Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 Not if it's diarrhea. Bit of `New Delhi belly` can put a crimp on anything. 1
GR4 Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 Hmm... no, the ball is not in her court. Because they've not gone out yet. And we all know most girls (myself included), would not reach out for the first date. Even if we asked for a rain check. So if you ARE interested, I'd suggest asking. Do it in a few days, like Thursday. And before she was sick, she said she had work and family things, so it was already most likely not gonna happen! IF she brushes you off next time you ask, then you said "ok, let me know when you're free then" and leave it with her. Just out of interest why wouldn't you reach out for a first date? Seems a bit entitled to me.
Author WellHelloThere Posted May 7, 2016 Author Posted May 7, 2016 Now that I thought about it, I think both approaches are correct. Either let her contact me again or I check back in a few days. I'm still going to let he contact me again. Even a simple "hi" would do. I'm just not feeling it for getting into anything where I'd have to ask multiple times without them at least them sending a hello message between the times I ask or check back.
Shining One Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 You've already asked twice. In your place, I would ask out someone else, but leave the door open in case she reaches out to you.
Author WellHelloThere Posted May 8, 2016 Author Posted May 8, 2016 I'm settled on not asking her out again, unless she at least sends me a "hello". But I'm curious about what a reasonable amount of time for me to hear back from her, if she does contact me. It's been 3 days now, but she likely still has a cold. I have had girls contact me after a month. But that's not the norm. 1
Zahara Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 (edited) I'd wait for her to reach out. I think you've made your interest known and she should reciprocate by making the effort to open communication. I'd give it another week. Although a cold doesn't mean you have broken fingers. A quick hello doesn't take much. Who knows how sick she is -- just keep doing your thing and if/when she responds you can decide from there. Edited May 8, 2016 by Zahara 1
truth_seeker Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 What you could do is check in to see how she is doing as a test. "Hey, how are you? You feeling better?" See how she responds. If she brings up going out, then you make plans with her. If she doesn't, just keep it to just seeing if she was feeling better then let her go.
Author WellHelloThere Posted May 8, 2016 Author Posted May 8, 2016 I'd wait for her to reach out. I think you've made your interest known and she should reciprocate by making the effort to open communication. I'd give it another week. Although a cold doesn't mean you have broken fingers. A quick hello doesn't take much. Who knows how sick she is -- just keep doing your thing and if/when she responds you can decide from there. True, that she can definitely message me even if she has a cold. I was figuring if she messages me again, it would be when she is starting to feel better, maybe around the middle of the week. 1
preraph Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 I agree that now the ball is in her court after two excuses or reasons, whichever it was, and no way of knowing that. She isn't shy. She contacted you first. So she knows where to find you. So don't contact her anymore and wait and see if she contacts you or not. After 2 weeks, assume she isn't going to if she hasn't already. But if she contacts you, ask her out again.
Author WellHelloThere Posted May 8, 2016 Author Posted May 8, 2016 What you could do is check in to see how she is doing as a test. "Hey, how are you? You feeling better?" See how she responds. If she brings up going out, then you make plans with her. If she doesn't, just keep it to just seeing if she was feeling better then let her go. I'd do that if we had gone out already. I can see that she's signed onto the dating site every day. So it's probably going to be more about if she's meeting others she likes more at the time. Oh well...that's on line dating.
truth_seeker Posted May 8, 2016 Posted May 8, 2016 True, that she can definitely message me even if she has a cold. I was figuring if she messages me again, it would be when she is starting to feel better, maybe around the middle of the week. Now that I've read this thread more, her being sick and being on the dating site browsing, checking her messages... the "sickness" could be an excuse to give her more time to line up other prospects. She might feel she has you in her back pocket and is purposely keeping you on hold while she tries out other guys first.
Author WellHelloThere Posted May 8, 2016 Author Posted May 8, 2016 Now that I've read this thread more, her being sick and being on the dating site browsing, checking her messages... the "sickness" could be an excuse to give her more time to line up other prospects. She might feel she has you in her back pocket and is purposely keeping you on hold while she tries out other guys first. I think it's both. I heard through someone else she is sick. That's real. But it's also the case that she has other stuff going on and has other guys she is at least talking to.
Author WellHelloThere Posted May 9, 2016 Author Posted May 9, 2016 Update: Haven't heard from her after 4 days. I figure a 90% chance of never hearing from her again at this point. I'm feeling kind of apathetic about it. Just thought I'd update for those who replied already. 1
smackie9 Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 After a couple of blow-offs.....you should just leave it.
Author WellHelloThere Posted May 9, 2016 Author Posted May 9, 2016 After a couple of blow-offs.....you should just leave it. I haven't seen any of her behavior as a blow off. She was already pretty busy for the weekend I suggested to go out and was going to see if she could figure something out. Then she got sick on top of that. She's just not messaging me unless I do and wasn't available to go out last weekend. It's one of those things when one person is available and the other isn't. I'm not really one to ask repeatedly. I like dating where there is more of a back and forth of contact on each side. If I look back on all the women I dated and relationships, I've rarely dated anyone more than a couple of times where it's one sided in keeping the momentum. And the couple times I had to keep checking up on them, those were probably the worst matches for me. I could message her and maybe get a date or two over the next month. But I can't imagine that being much fun.
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