Why do some ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends get upset when you move on?

[TheParadox7]

When they were the ones who broke up with you, especially if the relationship wasn't so good?

[JohnFDoe]

Cause they thought they could do better than you, like they were superior, and when you move on before them they feel like idiots. Their ego gets hurt.

[Marco Valerio]

Because the don't want you to be the first one

[keiji]

Ego, nothing else. When me and my ex-g had our goodbye rendez-vous, she said that she'd been sleeping with some guy for the last month. I didn't need that information (she said she had no feelings for him, blah, blah, blah. Why mention it, then?), so I countered: "Well, I guess I'll be ready to sleep with someone soon". You should have seen her face. Frozen at the least. I could see her ego shaterring to microscope-size bits. Did we get back together? Nope. So yes, that hurts their self-confidence. They want you to pine after them for eternity.

[elaine567]

They want you to pine after them for eternity.

 

True

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[d0nnivain]

Ego.

 

I think it was Janet Jackson who had a pop song called I Can't Get Over You Getting Over Me.

[Becky1986]

Many guys like to think they own you, and can't handle if you have a will of your own and decide you don't need them any longer.

[Itspointless]

Many guys like to think they own you, and can't handle if you have a will of your own and decide you don't need them any longer.

I think this goes for both sexes.

[Becky1986]

I think this goes for both sexes.

 

Many guys see a girlfriend as an extension of their fragile egos, and haven't grown up enough to handle any blows to those egos. That's why they try to pretend that the women who've finished with them really want them back.

[Itspointless]

Many guys see a girlfriend as an extension of their fragile egos, and haven't grown up enough to handle any blows to those egos. That's why they try to pretend that the women who've finished with them really want them back.

Yes, I do not disagree.

 

Still I do not see much difference with most women, sorry.

[sowhynot]

Certainly ego in some cases.

 

Can't you just hear it at the bar with a few friends 'I could have her/him back anytime I want' and they get hissy if that isn't the case !

 

Possibly not if there are 'good' reasons for the split and it's been done in a way to minimize hurt. In that case, dumper should really be happy for dumpee to know she/he has moved on and is happy. That's what I'd like to aim for if it was me initiating the breakup.

[Becky1986]

Possibly not if there are 'good' reasons for the split and it's been done in a way to minimize hurt.

 

Sometimes when it's too 'nice', the dumpee won't believe it really is over. I've just been helping a friend through a difficult patch after she made that mistake, and could not stop him following, stalking and emotionally manipulating her.

[KatZee]

Years ago I had a guy flat out tell me that he was annoyed and angry that his ex girlfriend moved on. I asked him why and he said that he didn't want her back at all but he didn't want anyone else to have her either. I agree it's an ego thing and it doesn't mean they still want you at all. They just can't handle when you move on and they don't.

[Becky1986]

Years ago I had a guy flat out tell me that he was annoyed and angry that his ex girlfriend moved on. I asked him why and he said that he didn't want her back at all but he didn't want anyone else to have her either. I agree it's an ego thing and it doesn't mean they still want you at all. They just can't handle when you move on and they don't.

 

That ego thing is what makes those guys assume that their exes must secretly really want to be back with them. That's why I've concluded that you need to make sure they know in no uncertain terms what you think of them - it's the only way to get the message across, and get them out of your lives. My friend now really wishes she'd done that at the beginning, often talks about how she might, even writes it down. If you're too nice to guys with lots of egos, they'll think it's weakness.

[confuseddddgirl]

i think its because they never expect you to move on fast or even to move on in general. dumpers who are like this probably have a huge ego and are probably thinking that they're the best you ever had and thinking that you can never do better.