dad12341234 Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 Dad with 4 kids dating someone for 6 months that is 42 without kids and we were talking about July 4th weekend today and she was opting to go with a older couple for 4 day weekend trip on their boat without me because I had my youngest 2 year old that July 4th weekend. I am feeling a little empty because of her decision. She has done this trip the last two years and feels it is now a tradition to do. Need some thoughts
Buddhist Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 Why are you feeling empty if you know it's her 4th July tradition and you've only been on the scene for 6 months? She is probably not opting to go because of your 2yrd old. She probably always planned to go and right now see's no reason at all to change that plan. Did you really expect someone to wrap their life around you after a very short period of time dating? As a similarly aged woman with no kids of her own, it would probably be my option as well. If I had known a guy for as little time as you two, and he also had very small children. I wouldn't be seeing it as my role at this stage to be involving myself in his relationship with his children. It's just too soon. My thinking would be I'll continue on my traditional holiday until such time as our relationship reaches a stage where my commitment is wanted, needed, required in that family kind of way. Remember, she is not the mother of your children, it is awkward to know where you stand where other people's children are concerned. It can be a sign of respect to you and your children to not want to interfere in that relationship. 3
Author dad12341234 Posted May 7, 2016 Author Posted May 7, 2016 I guess that when you are intimate with somebody for at least 5 months and dated for over 6 months and :confused:the relationship has grown very strong its hard for a single dad to see someone make the decision to sail off over a holiday weekend that is usually spent with friends and family
Buddhist Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 I guess that when you are intimate with somebody for at least 5 months and dated for over 6 months and :confused:the relationship has grown very strong its hard for a single dad to see someone make the decision to sail off over a holiday weekend that is usually spent with friends and family But that's my point. It might be a strong relationship, but it's not a family one. Not after 6 months, that's a tad unrealistic. And she is spending it with friends, her friends. If you wanted it to be a special weekend for you, her and baby then you needed to have made an occasion of it and invited her to take your relationship to the next level. You can't expect her to mind-read on this and decide she's ready to include herself in your family un-invited. 1
BlueIris Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 I guess that when you are intimate with somebody for at least 5 months and dated for over 6 months and :confused:the relationship has grown very strong its hard for a single dad to see someone make the decision to sail off over a holiday weekend that is usually spent with friends and family You spend the 4th with family. She spends it with friends. Don't be one of those guys who thinks that being in a relationship means that she becomes subsumed into your life. Shudder. Enjoy your time with your kiddo.
Author dad12341234 Posted May 7, 2016 Author Posted May 7, 2016 (edited) What if I am available to go with the ability to switch days with my 2 year olds mom. Any thoughts???? What if girlfriend does not think that is a good idea and does not want me to go anyway. Edited May 7, 2016 by dad12341234
Blanco Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 Don't shoe-horn yourself into her annual holiday plans. I'm a little put off that you seem ready and willing to dump your kids on a very kid-friendly holiday just so you can be with your new girlfriend who hasn't even asked you to be part of her plans. 3
Author dad12341234 Posted May 7, 2016 Author Posted May 7, 2016 She actually said that it would be great for me to come except that I have my kids. So what is the big deal of switching days with my 2 year old's mom. So I dont feel that it is really a shoe horn but a compromise.
Blanco Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 She actually said that it would be great for me to come except that I have my kids. So what is the big deal of switching days with my 2 year old's mom. So I dont feel that it is really a shoe horn but a compromise. But wouldn't you rather spend such a holiday with your own children, especially when it's a holiday accompanied by things that younger kids genuinely love? I dated a woman who had young children, including a 2-year-old. One of my favorite pictures of him is one I took of him being totally in awe of the fireworks on the 4th of July. Don't be the dad that works his kids around his dating life and not the other way around. 1
Buddhist Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 What if I am available to go with the ability to switch days with my 2 year olds mom. Any thoughts???? What if girlfriend does not think that is a good idea and does not want me to go anyway. I don't want to come off harsh here, but this post seems a little acting in desperation. Does it really matter if you spend the 4th Of July apart? Or is there some other reason you don't want her to go on that trip? Are you jealous of someone else in her life or fearful that she will somehow leave you?
Author dad12341234 Posted May 7, 2016 Author Posted May 7, 2016 Not jealous at all but would like to enjoy at least 2 of the 4 days with someone that i have big feeling for. It is just hard for me as a person that has big feelings for my current girlfriend and it is just hard when you do not get alot of free time over weekends and holidays to spend it with someone that you have developed a relationship with. Just to blow off your partner and toss the lines and watch them sail away for 4 day is tough. I am also big into boating so that is my other passion so it is a double whammy!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blanco Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 Being a parent means not much of your time is your own. With four children, surely you should be used to that by now. If this relationship lasts, there will be more chances to spend time with your girlfriend.
Buddhist Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 Not jealous at all but would like to enjoy at least 2 of the 4 days with someone that i have big feeling for. It is just hard for me as a person that has big feelings for my current girlfriend and it is just hard when you do not get alot of free time over weekends and holidays to spend it with someone that you have developed a relationship with. Just to blow off your partner and toss the lines and watch them sail away for 4 day is tough. I am also big into boating so that is my other passion so it is a double whammy!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ah! So the problem is not that she's going but that she didn't invite you? Now we see.
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