Annoyed tonight...just pondering....

[Satu]

He's where he wants to be, with the person he wants to be with, and there you are, unhappy and annoyed.

 

Do you think its worth it?

[Daisy2013]

I have scheduled a late workout so I'm not going. He is where he wants to be, so I should move on.

 

Last thought. Once when he was in one of his guilt moods, I told him I wanted a hug and he replied "me too. But people in hell want ice water." Made me feel like a winner. Thank you for your words. I feel stronger.

[BuddyX]

"4 billion men out there, just in case the DBag feels irreplaceable"

[Satu]

All in all

Each man in all men

all men in each man

All being in each being

Each being in all being

All in each

Each in all

All distinctions are mind, by mind, in

mind, of mind

No distinctions no mind to distinguish

 

- RD Laing, Knots.

[Adoraxx]

Thank you for your continued responses and support. It has been very difficult acknowleding "what is" vs the delusion in my head for the past 5 years. To answer if it were my daughter, I'd beat her silly (not really "beat" her, but I would be relentless until she walked away) and get her into therapy.

 

We are supposed to meet at a store this evening. We share an interest (which his W does not), so we will at times meet there to see what is on the shelves. Of course, he walks 2 feet away, but will reach out to tap my shoulder or back as we walk along. That is my "public hug." This is the "friends" activity, recall he insists we are friends first, before anything else.

 

Tonight I will tell him I need to move on. It is time. I am certain he won't mind. In fact, it will give him peace. He has standing in our church and often struggles with guilt, but wanting to keep me.

 

One last thought. Once, not too long ago, he drew an imaginary line across the door of his truck. Pointed out that I was below that line, and named all of the things that were expected of him above that line. I should have accepted that from him and walked at that moment. The next week, when he asked to meet, I reminded him of what he had said and the line, and he said I misunderstood and that he loves me, and was right there with me below that line. Ugh, I hate these memories flooding my mind.

 

I hope you'll get away from this predator as fast as you can!!! He truly sounds like a predator and a creep to me. Tapping your shoulder/ back?! Telling you that you're below some kind of line?! And all those other things you mentioned... ugh I really hope you will never speak to him again!!

 

xx

[Lois_Griffin]

He wiped down with Clorox wipes after being with me. He'd put tissue in his underwear in order to prevent "evidence" from showing through his pants when he got home; check his clothes for makeup and ask that I not wear any when with him; watch the clock like a hawk..

Gosh. That sounds about as exciting and fun as having your gall bladder removed.

 

In fact, if given the choice of one or the other, I'd actually be hard-pressed to decide which one I'd rather do.

 

That ALONE would put me off this guy for life.

[privategal]

Switch churches...

You just took your power back.

He isnt where he wants to be either...he wanted to maintain the status quo and admiration from church, comnunity, family...but still have you, his dirty little secret...so dirty he used clorox.

Its going to be a serious bruise to his ego that you just up and walked away.

You knew you were nearing your breakinb point as to what you would accept and you put a stop to it.

That takes SO much strength and is brutally hard to do and you did it.

Wow. Im really AMAZED you had the strength to not show up.

Many of us are or were desperate...even just for breadcrumb contact and some would likely walk across fire and broken glass to see their AP but what did you do?

You scheduled a workout.

Soooo impressive.

Daisy you will go through withdrawal, yoy might slip into depression or begin to miss him or wish for validation you mattered.

These upcoming weeks might be hard, not saying they definately will...you might just be THAT over it...but if you werent ready but rather just doing this on a wing and a prayer...please continue to build on that strength.

Please please block All paths to reach you.

He will soon realize how no woman could accept this deal for long.

How sad you werent at least treated special enough for him to get a hotel room or have a proper date.

Its all too much.

Im so proud and sending so much prayer and strength your way.

I know it may be tough to find a new church family but Daisy, you dont need to see him, you truly need to stay so far away for your healing I urge you to seek a new congregation to help you completely heal and not look back or suffer anymore.

[Grapesofwrath]

I have scheduled a late workout so I'm not going. He is where he wants to be, so I should move on.

 

Last thought. Once when he was in one of his guilt moods, I told him I wanted a hug and he replied "me too. But people in hell want ice water." Made me feel like a winner. Thank you for your words. I feel stronger.

 

Atta girl, Daisy!! You showed up for yourself in a huge way. How are you feeling today?

[Daisy2013]

Switch churches...

You just took your power back.

He isnt where he wants to be either...he wanted to maintain the status quo and admiration from church, comnunity, family...but still have you, his dirty little secret...so dirty he used clorox.

Its going to be a serious bruise to his ego that you just up and walked away.

You knew you were nearing your breakinb point as to what you would accept and you put a stop to it.

That takes SO much strength and is brutally hard to do and you did it.

Wow. Im really AMAZED you had the strength to not show up.

Many of us are or were desperate...even just for breadcrumb contact and some would likely walk across fire and broken glass to see their AP but what did you do?

You scheduled a workout.

Soooo impressive.

Daisy you will go through withdrawal, yoy might slip into depression or begin to miss him or wish for validation you mattered.

These upcoming weeks might be hard, not saying they definately will...you might just be THAT over it...but if you werent ready but rather just doing this on a wing and a prayer...please continue to build on that strength.

Please please block All paths to reach you.

He will soon realize how no woman could accept this deal for long.

How sad you werent at least treated special enough for him to get a hotel room or have a proper date.

Its all too much.

Im so proud and sending so much prayer and strength your way.

I know it may be tough to find a new church family but Daisy, you dont need to see him, you truly need to stay so far away for your healing I urge you to seek a new congregation to help you completely heal and not look back or suffer anymore.

 

Thank you. Yes, breaking point. I kept praying and hoping for one of those. And re the hotel or date, agreed. I used to wonder why I wasn't worth it, and isn't that pathetic? To be special enough to be a side-piece in a hotel room? Thank you for your words of encouragement.

[Daisy2013]

Atta girl, Daisy!! You showed up for yourself in a huge way. How are you feeling today?

 

Empty. That is it. Dead inside. Just the realization that my dream of 5 years has died. Waited so long. And it wasn't about how he made me feel. I adored him and just enjoyed his company ... my friend. I would be desperate to bring him physical pleasure and enjoyed pleasing him so much, when he would allow me to do it. It depended where he was in his guilt cycle as to if I could touch hom. Generally, that is not me. I am not the girl to take out if a guy is just looking for a good time. It has to come from the heart.

 

I recently bought him a small gift based on our mutual hobby not related to a b'day or Christmas. Under $50. He wouldn't take it.

 

So, just worn out.