kitana2010 Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 Everyone always says: "listen to your gut". Every relationship column, book, television show and movie. This is a pretty well known saying. This got me thinking, and made me want to ask you guys to share your stories of that "gut feeling" something was wrong (or right) in your relationship. If it was spot on, or totally wrong. What other facts and behavior led to you feeling this way.
Mrin Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 My gut has almost always been right when it comes to being in a relationship. It always told me what was really going on. Oddly enough it has often been wrong with first impressions
Gaeta Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 My instinct was almost always right unfortunately I don't always listen to it. An example: Dated a man for up to a year with that gut feeling I was not the only one. I have learned not long ago I was right. I was 1 of 3 he was seeing.
Larryville Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 share your stories of that "gut feeling" something was wrong (or right) in your relationship. It's always right. I betray myself if I ignore what my gut tells me. Ok if you were walking alone at night in an area with broken out windows, shady characters all around… How does someone develop the mindset to keep their guard up provided of course that they were stupid enough to enter a dangerous high crime area alone in the first place? Ok you are dating a guy, always hides his phone, returns phone calls hours later, looks like a bum, unemployed, under employed, reeks of alcohol, moody, defensive, verbally abusive, lacks eye contact, plays video games all day, loves to go “fishing” a lot (Old thread), does not introduce you to important people in his life, constantly borrowing money… bla bla bla You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out something is wrong. If things like this were happening in a relationship and you ignored you have a much deeper issue going on than NOT following “you gut”
MJJean Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 My instincts tend to be pretty accurate even when there is no logical reason for the feeling. Being human, I've ignored my instincts because I wanted something to be true or not true and it's always been a bad idea in hindsight. My favorite instinct story is meeting DH. I just knew he was the one the minute I saw him. I know it sounds absolutely insane, but it was love at first sight. I wrangled an introduction from the friend of mine he was talking to, we eventually exchanged numbers, a few weeks later we had sex, and we blew up our lives for each other against all reason and logic based on this instinctive knowledge/belief that we were absolutely right for each other and were supposed to be together. When I saw against all reason and logic, I mean it. I was in a sham marriage, he'd never been married. I had two young children, 6 and 1, and he'd never even held a baby/toddler. I was raised by a liberal Protestant mom and her partner in da hood, he was raised by conservative Catholic parents in a very affluent area. I had a GED, he'd been to college. Statistically, we shouldn't have even lasted a year. We were affair partners for a brief time before I ended the marriage. Marriages between a WS and an AP have a 3% success rate. It was my second marriage. Something like only 36% of second marriages are successful. We all know that couples with an education gap and/or who come from different levels of affluence have a higher divorce rate then those who are more similar in education and FOO. Same with couples from different religious traditions. Seriously, on paper, we had every strike in the book against us and no logical reason to believe we'd be a good match. Yet, within weeks of meeting, we totally blew up our lives to be together based on what really amounts to a hunch. 16 years as a couple, 13 of those married, instinct seems to have been correct.
Gloria25 Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 (edited) Yeah, I need to trust my instinct more often... I was just thinking about that today, how "something" made me not wanna do that instant hook-up with neighbor like 3 years ago and I'm glad I didn't cuz fast forward now I can't bring myself to even have respect for him and he's got too many issues (one being a momma's boy). That would've been a regretable hook-up. Edited May 7, 2016 by Gloria25
katiegrl Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 Ok if you were walking alone at night in an area with broken out windows, shady characters all around… How does someone develop the mindset to keep their guard up provided of course that they were stupid enough to enter a dangerous high crime area alone in the first place? Ok you are dating a guy, always hides his phone, returns phone calls hours later, looks like a bum, unemployed, under employed, reeks of alcohol, moody, defensive, verbally abusive, lacks eye contact, plays video games all day, loves to go “fishing” a lot (Old thread), does not introduce you to important people in his life, constantly borrowing money… bla bla bla You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out something is wrong. If things like this were happening in a relationship and you ignored you have a much deeper issue going on than NOT following “you gut” A quarter of what you mentioned above would have me and many women running for the hills.
preraph Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 In relationship, when something doesn't feel like it's fallen right in place, it usually hasn't. Someone is a little too sporadic or something like that, they're also seeing someone else, in my experience. My gut told me not to get involved when a divorcing guy came to me insisting (we'd been working together and friends for some years). My rational mind told me maybe this is the real relationship -- I'm already good friends with him, I think he's cute, so maybe this is it. So I overruled my gut reaction which was panic. And I wish I hadn't listened to my rational mind. My gut is what has always told me when something like a job or a relationship is over and I need to be the one to make the move. My gut is so strong at those times that it makes me physically ill. It has to make me sick before I pay attention to it because I don't want to face reality, so my gut makes me face reality by making me sick. If you want to read more on the subject, Gavin de Becker "The Gift of Fear" is a book about celebrity security (that's his business) and instinct. We are the only creature on earth who will not always listen to our survival instincts. The rest couldn't survive without them.
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