CreativeZen Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 I have had this discussion with my friend recently, about the feeling of being in love abating after a few months/years. She was adamant that this was not the case, that she still felt that feeling, even after that long of a period. She missed her boyfriend tremendously when they were apart for a week. While I truly do love the person I am with, but I do not really long to be with her anymore, and time apart from my SO is often welcomed by me. Is she right, or am I? Or are people just different in how they perceive these feelings? I would love to be in a relationship that continues to be passionate and where I consistently look forward to seeing my SO again, but I always thought those feelings were to dissipate/lessen after some time.
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 (edited) I think love changes the longer you are together and the more you go through together but I wouldn't say it dissipates. If it does then perhaps you're not with the right person or you have some soul searching of your own to do about your relationship. I think that keeping the spark alive in a relationship takes effort on both partners. It's easy to get complacent and settle in the more years you are together so remembering to never stop "dating" your partner, even years later, is very important and does wonders for a relationship. Edited May 6, 2016 by Michelle ma Belle
mikeylo Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 The in-love feeling is very important to be kept alive for as long as possible.It doesnt mean to smother each other. Giving and having some space is different. To keep it alive, you need to ignite it every now and then.It helps to recover from the low points of the relationship, that will arise all the time. For me personally, its not a relief that I have time apart.I take it as letting her have her 'me' time. I miss her then and let her know to the point that she doesnt have to cancel because of me.That would cause resentment. When people stop doing the little things that they did during courtship, then problems begin. Never stop making them feel special.If you wont, someone else will !
d0nnivain Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 You are both right. Different people react differently to the same situation. While I do miss my husband when he goes away on long business trips (1 week +) it's not an anxious I'm all atwitter feeling. It's more of a blue feeling because the other side of the bed is empty & a bit of loneliness because I eat dinner alone. When you are falling in love it's more of an "I can't wait to see them" excitement. That level of anticipation dissipates but that doesn't mean you feel out of love, it's just a bit less like a roller coaster. 2
Larryville Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 I have had this discussion with my friend recently, about the feeling of being in love abating after a few months/years. I think that keeping the spark alive in a relationship takes effort on both partners. Ted Talk - The Brain in Love - Helen Fisher - Anthropologist; expert on love Anthropologist Helen Fisher studies gender differences and the evolution of human emotions Anyone regardless of age, in any discussion about “love” watch any video or read any book/article from Dr. Helen Fisher. 1
Shepp Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 I think its different for everyone.. you see little old couples who are clearly still mad about each other.. equally you see couples who despite obviously loving each other have lost a bit of that in-love feeling. I don't know if its something you can influence or not. I think its good to try, not to let life swamp your relationship and still make an effort to make time for each other and your relationship. I'm still head over heels in love with my wife. I still feel excited when I'm about to see her - which is totally ridiculous, we live together, I get to see her every morning when I wake up, but honestly when I'm waiting to meet her at the pub or something I still feel that excitement. There's something about that girl that just does something to me, since I was 15 with a school boy crush, right up to the present day, she winks at me across the room and my breath still catches a little, she walks out the room and I feel the lack, & I still end up grinning at my phone like a loon when she texts.. But at the same time as the years tick any relationship does change but it doesn't have to dull. I feel all the things I just wrote but I also feel closer to her than I've ever been, I feel more completely secure in our relationship than I've ever felt and I feel totally loved for me, I don't have to filter like you do when your wanting someone to like you.
dichotomy Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 My view the "new" butterfly/exciting feelings of love in a new relationship are not true love and wont last or be the same after a year or two. True love is when you choose to be loving when you dont feel like it.
Cinnamonstix Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 I think its different for everyone.. you see little old couples who are clearly still mad about each other.. equally you see couples who despite obviously loving each other have lost a bit of that in-love feeling. I don't know if its something you can influence or not. I think its good to try, not to let life swamp your relationship and still make an effort to make time for each other and your relationship. I'm still head over heels in love with my wife. I still feel excited when I'm about to see her - which is totally ridiculous, we live together, I get to see her every morning when I wake up, but honestly when I'm waiting to meet her at the pub or something I still feel that excitement. There's something about that girl that just does something to me, since I was 15 with a school boy crush, right up to the present day, she winks at me across the room and my breath still catches a little, she walks out the room and I feel the lack, & I still end up grinning at my phone like a loon when she texts.. But at the same time as the years tick any relationship does change but it doesn't have to dull. I feel all the things I just wrote but I also feel closer to her than I've ever been, I feel more completely secure in our relationship than I've ever felt and I feel totally loved for me, I don't have to filter like you do when your wanting someone to like you. I love hearing stuff like this from people who have been married a long time. This is the kind of love everyone hopes to find
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