loveisallaround Posted June 20, 2005 Posted June 20, 2005 The pre-cursor to my story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?postid=505089 I ended up calling him on Tuesday of last week, organizing for today. Great. No awkwardness. We opted to get in touch today, so we could go out after work. I called him at work around 11, got his voicemail. Decided not to leave a message. And I called again at two, but DID leave a voicemail. Basically: Hey, it's me. Hope everything is fine. Calling to confirm hanging out today... yada yada yada. I know he was at work. For a fact. And he has to check voicemail. He didn't call me back. I'm so pissed the hell off that I don't even give a rat's ass if we end up on friendly terms anymore. I was nothing by respectful of myself and of him during the breakup and did absolutely nothing wrong. I handled it with a grace that he would die trying to get. It's not my problem that I kept my integrity and moved on. He didn't seem to like the notion of me "moving on" whenever I brought it up after our breakup. He got short and snappy. I have no idea whats driving him right now. I don't know if he's mad at himself for doing what he did. If he's jealous or what. I don't know where his insecurities stem from. I just wanted to be on OK terms. Otherwise, I want nothing to do with him. Any advice?
TMonkey Posted June 20, 2005 Posted June 20, 2005 He's a jerk who doesn't care. Who cares what he's thinking, that's just rude. People like this feel power over another when they have the option to blow them off. It gives them a rush. It's childish and despicable. I know everyone here would say "no contact" but I would call him again and sound annoyed, the way you would if a friend blew you off, or better, as if you are reminding a child what he should do. Then don't bother contacting him again. What a jerk.
Author loveisallaround Posted June 21, 2005 Author Posted June 21, 2005 I'm just disgusted with him. What a horrible excuse for what should be a human being. I like the advice of calling him, but I've wasted too much energy on this wolf in sheep's clothing. I'm calling his bluff and not contacting him ever again. Besides, I've got a date on Saturday!
Fallen_Angel Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 I think you should stick with your plan, love, and not call him again. And when he eventually comes sniffing around...ignore him. Don't play into his "power" game. Turn the tables! You've got yourself together. You've done a commendable job of handling the breakup, your job is satisfying, heck you've even got a date lined up...remember, living well is the best revenge!! Once the anger wears off and turns into indifference, then you've really won.
Author loveisallaround Posted June 21, 2005 Author Posted June 21, 2005 Thanks for the reassurance, sometimes we really need it - n'est pas? Haven't saw you in a while! I hope everything is fabulous. Check your inbox.
blue16 Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Yup as the others said, don't give him the satisfaction of a response. If you don't contact him he'll start to wonder about you and will most likely try to get in contact. Don't fall for his ploy, don't respond and you have the upper hand for good.
miss-gonewest Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 We opted to get in touch today, so we could go out after work. I called him at work around 11, got his voicemail. Decided not to leave a message. And I called again at two, but DID leave a voicemail. Basically: Hey, it's me. Hope everything is fine. Calling to confirm hanging out today... yada yada yada. I know he was at work. For a fact. And he has to check voicemail. He didn't call me back. I'm so pissed the hell off that I don't even give a rat's ass if we end up on friendly terms anymore. It's not my problem that I kept my integrity and moved on. He didn't seem to like the notion of me "moving on" whenever I brought it up after our breakup. He got short and snappy. I have no idea whats driving him right now. I don't know if he's mad at himself for doing what he did. If he's jealous or what. I don't know where his insecurities stem from. I just wanted to be on OK terms. Otherwise, I want nothing to do with him. Any advice? Love, you have done so good - I would give anything to be in your mindspace right now... I was treated very similarly today, and all I wanted to do was curl up and cry (dammit tho, he ain't worth my tears!). You are the better person of the both of us, and I want to be just like you one day!!! You have behaved impeccably and there is nothing more you can do here... you have left a voicemail on his phone - he is the one that is a brat for not returning your call. Let him sit and stew on what he has lost... because I am sure he will. It may not be today or tomorrow, but his time will come. I think he's just a bit miffed to see how well you are doin'. He dumped you but you have picked yourself up, dusted yourself and gone out all guns blazing... he's miffed that you aren't sitting at home sobbing into your chardonnay with a broken heart. You done good girl - be proud of yourself. And good luck for your date... make sure you let us know how you go!
No Foolin Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 loveisallaround What are you doing? Friends with an ex you had sex/relationship/whatever with = getting hit in the face with tennis racket. You can't go home, you will get this every time out , EVERY TIME OUT!!!!! The damage has been done to both of you. Your need to be chill with dude is just a way to set up some sort of connection, which if you don't mind me saying, will (in faulty theory) lead to that always pined for get back together thing............................. Do you really want to sit at some coffee house and hear about his A game girl, or watch the always loved booty call text message sound off on his cell phone???? Its a matter of self-respect, walk away No Foolin
miss-gonewest Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 But No Foolin, she doesn't want him back.... or did I read it wrong?
Author loveisallaround Posted June 23, 2005 Author Posted June 23, 2005 Originally posted by miss-gonewest But No Foolin, she doesn't want him back.... or did I read it wrong? You're right - his insensitive and immature actions post breakup made it clear as crystal that he's somebody I'd never want to be with. I just wanted to be on friendly terms. Thanks for the compliments guys. Sometimes I need to be reminded that I am indeed strong. I forget too often. It floors me that he's either: 1. He's playing games over a relationship that isn't even there. Nothing is left. Why not just swallow your pride, stop playing these games and move on? It's like I'm in a bad episode of Degrassi for Christ's sake. 2. Resentful that after HE dumped ME, my career swiftly started to open up and move forward. As Gonewest said: I picked myself up, dusted myself off and went on like I usually did. I had no other choice but to embrace what was sent my way. Either way, either way, he needs to grow the **** up and stop being the victim.
Fallen_Angel Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Originally posted by loveisallaround Sometimes I need to be reminded that I am indeed strong. I forget too often. I forget entirely too often myself, and it does feel very nice to be reminded. In fact my ex even said I have always been a tough/strong girl! HAAAA! A tough, strong girl probably wouldn't have carried on the way I did the night he broke up with me, but I WAS in a state of shock... In any event, if he's going to act like this, he's not worth your effort OR your friendship. Acting out over your career success is very, very petty. I'm sure you don't want to date a guy who acts more like a child!! Speaking of, I can't wait to hear how Saturday plays out! Good luck!!!!
No Foolin Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 I gathered that she said that she doesn't want to "be" with him, however, why is it so important to be cool with your ex. What purpose does this serve? Prolonging agony is what it does. Walk away. No Foolin
miss-gonewest Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Some of us aren't as black and white as you NF! I wish I could be sometimes, but as gals can't just switch off like that all the time. Besides, I guess from my point of view (and its a purely selfish one at that) I don't like knowing or thinking that they hate me; or that they dislike me so much that they can't return a phone message or an email. Shallow and contrived, but true. And depending on your situation, some of us have to see/communicate with our ex's, so it would be nice if we could be civil. Sorry to hijack your thread Love, but had to put my 2c in the mix!
miss-gonewest Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by loveisallaround Besides, I've got a date on Saturday! Er hmmm how was the date Love? Has there been a second date??? Is there a romance blossoming??? And did you ever hear back from your ex - did he return you call after you were meant to catch up?
Author loveisallaround Posted July 12, 2005 Author Posted July 12, 2005 What odd timing! I just sent a blunt e-mail to my ex yesterday to get my stuff back and got this reply: that is so ****ed. i was just thinking about you like 10 mins ago - literally. I'm sorry i didn't call back. i was away for a couple days that week and time just gets away with you, y know? lame excuse, but it's true. I can deinfitly drop them off to you - remind me where and when and i'll make a point. And the date (if you could call it that) was OK. I'll continue seeing him but I expect nothing serious to grow from it. Theres no spark.
miss-gonewest Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 Love, thanks for the update! What an odd reply.... what does he mean "remind him"? And I agree, it was a pretty lame excuse - rather uninventive, I would have liked to see more imagination myself! I am glad the date was successful and that you have a 'distraction', its good to have your mind taken up with someone else for a change. I have a second date with a nice chap tonight, but same as you, I'm not up for anything big or complicated, just a laugh really. Let us know what happens when you collect your things... I'm curious.
Author loveisallaround Posted July 13, 2005 Author Posted July 13, 2005 Yes, the excuse was pretty unimaginable indeed. He let like 4 weeks get away with him? Oh, please. My reactive days regarding this relationship are done. I just want my stuff back not to be played like a violin. Although as Tina Turner sang: Something Beautiful Remains between the both of us, I've got to be proactive and let this go. If he comes back to be friends or whatever, then that's that. If not, he was never a true friend to begin with.
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