She texts me first but seems uninterested

[Mardoka1990]

Hey everyone,

 

At this moment im at some sort of an impasse and in order to let you know exactly what I mean by the title I will try to explain the story as best as I can.

 

I (25) met this girl (21) through online dating and we hit it off inmediately. We were flirting, teasing and being sarcastic towards eachother in a good way. So I asked her out and planned a date. Then however a day before the date she told me it was all going a bit too fast and that she wanted to postpone the date. Apparently she had only broken up with her ex a month ago. Now being the understanding guy that I am I agreed and told her to tell me whenever she would feel ready.

Now for the part that i don't get and why i'm making this post.

She texts me asking a question, I answer suggestively trying to tease her a bit by saying something funny. Than she answers completely indifferent and cold. One word answers for example, I in return don't answer. Then an hour later she does the same, asking a sincere question, I answer accordingly but she spouts out the same response. Over and over again!

So my question is, should I be done with this? It's honostly pissing me off but I like her aswell so not knowing whats shes doing right now makes it difficult to just give up on it.

[MidwestUSA]

She's 21, and acting even younger.

 

Unless you're looking for a texting pal, yes, throw in the towel on this one. You can't possibly know that you 'hit it off' when you haven't even met in person.

 

If you want to be stubborn about it tho, shoot her one text that says 'CALL me when you're ready to meet', then put down the phone. No more.

[Mardoka1990]

Right, I like the idea of being done with it. Thanks for your input!

[Mardoka1990]

Update,

 

I need some more advice.

I decided to tell her what i thought and be done with it and after a serious amount of "trash talking", she actually kept her interest and it started to seem flirty again. This caught me by surprise because i havent been this mad at someone in a while when things escalated. Now im an inexperienced idiot which is why i need some help with this. She actually asked me to meet at her place in about 2 weeks to cuddle and watch a movie.(her words not mine) I said i'd think about it. Im not going to lie, i like the idea and wanted to say yes instantly. However i said i'd think about it. I now realise how stupid I am, overthinking all of this and being so damn drawn to someone i just met online. My question is not whether i should do it or not but im curious what other people think.

[deadparrot]

Go if you want, but realize a) she's likely not that into you and b) you're probably being used as a rebound. Barring a major barrier (distance/major family emergency), a woman isn't going to wait two weeks to meet a guy she really likes. This reads to me like she's testing out her flirting muscles after her breakup.

Edited May 8, 2016 by deadparrot

[Mardoka1990]

Go if you want, but realize a) she's likely not that into you and b) you're probably being used as a rebound. Barring a major barrier (distance/major family emergency), a woman isn't going to wait two weeks to meet a guy she really likes. This reads to me like she's testing out her flirting muscles after her breakup.

 

Right so its good im sceptical then i guess.

So the info she gave me why she wanted to wait 2 weeks was she already had alot of plans going on. She moved to a new city last week and signed up for college so she has some meetings and parties to attend. Said she wanted to have the proper time to do whatever we want to do. But i look at it as stalling and eventually postponing again

 

Edit:

 

Oh and before i forget she actually contacted me while tipsy being extra flirty and suggestive. But i didnt treat it as if it ever happened because, you know, she was tipsy. Right now i decided to ignore her btw we havent had contact in 2 days which is a lot considering the amounts we had spoken to eachother

Edited May 8, 2016 by Mardoka1990

[deadparrot]

Let's put it this way: no matter how busy I was, if there was a guy I was truly intrerested in, I'd figure out a way to make a date happen, even if it was just grabbing a quick coffee or lunch.

 

It sounds like she's in that weird post-breakup phase where you instinctually want to stick it to your ex and prove to him/her/yourself how over the relationship you are by flirting with everything in sight, but in practice, you're really not ready to reenter the dating scene yet.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Hey everyone,

 

At this moment im at some sort of an impasse and in order to let you know exactly what I mean by the title I will try to explain the story as best as I can.

 

I (25) met this girl (21) through online dating and we hit it off inmediately. We were flirting, teasing and being sarcastic towards eachother in a good way. So I asked her out and planned a date. Then however a day before the date she told me it was all going a bit too fast and that she wanted to postpone the date. Apparently she had only broken up with her ex a month ago. Now being the understanding guy that I am I agreed and told her to tell me whenever she would feel ready.

Now for the part that i don't get and why i'm making this post.

She texts me asking a question, I answer suggestively trying to tease her a bit by saying something funny. Than she answers completely indifferent and cold. One word answers for example, I in return don't answer. Then an hour later she does the same, asking a sincere question, I answer accordingly but she spouts out the same response. Over and over again!

So my question is, should I be done with this? It's honostly pissing me off but I like her aswell so not knowing whats shes doing right now makes it difficult to just give up on it.

 

Yeah, even when I actually get a response, she's rather unengaging...like she's purposely not making any effort to contribute to the conversation.

[elaine567]

Let's put it this way: no matter how busy I was, if there was a guy I was truly interested in, I'd figure out a way to make a date happen, even if it was just grabbing a quick coffee or lunch.

 

Exactly.

NO woman would pass on arranging a date with someone she truly wanted to get to know and be with. She would be worried that he pass her by and ask someone else out instead, so would go out of her way to pin him down. As deadparrot says coffee. lunch, a quick 5 mins to catch up... anything to make sure she is still in with a chance.

 

This girl seems to have a lot going on in her life, so dating is low priority for her. She has just broken up with her ex, so will be in no mood to properly date anyway. If she is the dumper, she most likely wants to see what is out there, so won't want to be tied down to anyone, and if she is the dumpee she will still be hurt and her focus will not be on dating other people.

[katiegrl]

Agree with everyone else.

 

But also wanted to ask....... what normal person asks to watch a movie and *cuddle* .... BEFORE ever even meeting in person?

 

Interspersed with constant flaking? I am sorry, I just find that hugely bizarre.

 

OP, why are you so enthralled with this one?

 

Is it *because* she is difficult, therefore mysterious and challenging?

 

One has to wonder cuz you are not the only guy who becomes intrigued with chicks like this.

[Mardoka1990]

Agree with everyone else.

 

But also wanted to ask....... what normal person asks to watch a movie and *cuddle* .... BEFORE ever even meeting in person?

 

Interspersed with constant flaking? I am sorry, I just find that hugely bizarre.

 

OP, why are you so enthralled with this one?

 

Is it *because* she is difficult, therefore mysterious and challenging?

 

One has to wonder cuz you are not the only guy who becomes intrigued with chicks like this.

 

I guess that is the reason, I always tend to get emotionally attached to people with a hard and engaging life. Ofcourse she has told me alot more than what i just described theres divorced parents, sick brother etc. I can relate to that since i carry alot of emotional baggage aswell. That and the fact shes alot like me humor wise and hobby wise. We talk openly or at least it seems but honostly i want to see her on neutral ground first before we do anything stupid. Theres a chance i might be utterly dissappointed

 

And the cuddling thing, i dont know what thats supposed to be but thats how she described it. I personally dont really know if thats a good idea or not but like i said before i prefer a coffee or something ( neutral ground ).

Edited May 8, 2016 by Mardoka1990

[Mardoka1990]

Exactly.

NO woman would pass on arranging a date with someone she truly wanted to get to know and be with. She would be worried that he pass her by and ask someone else out instead, so would go out of her way to pin him down. As deadparrot says coffee. lunch, a quick 5 mins to catch up... anything to make sure she is still in with a chance.

 

This girl seems to have a lot going on in her life, so dating is low priority for her. She has just broken up with her ex, so will be in no mood to properly date anyway. If she is the dumper, she most likely wants to see what is out there, so won't want to be tied down to anyone, and if she is the dumpee she will still be hurt and her focus will not be on dating other people.

 

She was the dumpee, however it sounds like a mutual arrangement the way it ended. But i get what youre saying when it comes to whether she really wants to date or not. She texted me again today and said she saw me as more than just a boytoy ( i dont even know why she does this we havent even seen eachother yet ) and she wants to make sure shes ready and that she has enough time to invest in meeting and getting to know me.

 

But it feels really contradicting at the same time.

I feel like giving up on it after today

[Shanex]

Yeah, even when I actually get a response, she's rather unengaging...like she's purposely not making any effort to contribute to the conversation.

 

Many people are like that. After a while I was discouraged to reply to a woman who occasionally (often tbh) initiated texting but was pretty unengaging after three or four messages. You know the kind of evasive responses. Im not much of a texting Person but if Im interested in someone will do it nonetheless. Admittedly it can be both a fun and a good way to get to know a mate... Implying you cant see each other as much as youd like.

 

I wouldnt worry too much about it, OP. Its just virtual communication and you should focus on meeting offline and have fun in other ways.

[smackie9]

I doubt she is broken up with her ex. She is just looking for attention, and when it came down to meeting up she backed off...now she's just keeping you around as a pen pal.

 

As soon as you hear "this is going too fast" say your goodbyes.

[Jabron1]

Update,

 

I need some more advice.

I decided to tell her what i thought and be done with it and after a serious amount of "trash talking", she actually kept her interest and it started to seem flirty again. This caught me by surprise because i havent been this mad at someone in a while when things escalated. Now im an inexperienced idiot which is why i need some help with this. She actually asked me to meet at her place in about 2 weeks to cuddle and watch a movie.(her words not mine) I said i'd think about it. Im not going to lie, i like the idea and wanted to say yes instantly. However i said i'd think about it. I now realise how stupid I am, overthinking all of this and being so damn drawn to someone i just met online. My question is not whether i should do it or not but im curious what other people think.

 

This whole "we'll cuddle in two weeks" thing is just breadcrumbs. She's doing just enough to keep you on the hook. You forced her to up her game with the threat of walking away.

 

Fully expect something to 'just come up' in two weeks time. Obvious flake is obvious.

 

Distance yourself from her, and don't keep giving her easy attention. Stop being so responsive, and listening to all of her crap. She should have to do a lot more than this to keep you around.

Edited May 8, 2016 by Jabron1

[LookAtThisPOst]

Many people are like that.

 

 

Yep, it's unfortunate.

 

That's why it takes a long time between dates before meeting someone that is actually engaging.