Break up is getting worse

[hannahsmith]

I broke up with my ex just over 2 months ago after a 5 month relationship. It wasn't perfect. He didn't do anything wrong per se, he just didn't give me enough time and kept rearranging dates. I felt that he didn't prioritse me enough. I realised that I loved him, but the time never felt right to tell him because I was often annoyed with him for rearranging dates so it almost felt like he wasn't worthy of being told that day. Bad, I know. So I never told him that I loved him.

 

I broke up with him and I cried briefly the first day, but then I was ok for about a month because it felt like it was the right thing to do. Now, I we have mutual friend/people we know from a club we are in and I found out that some people they don't really like him and say some talk about him regularly. The first time this happened I thought it was helpful and made me more certain that it was the right thing to do. However, last week they talked about him a lot and I felt like I was mentally defending him, even though he is my ex. The said that he is arrogant, condescending and kept pointing out the mistakes he has made. However, I didn't really find him to be those things. I wasn't sure if they knew that we dated so I pointed out that we did and found out that they knew, but they still kept talking about him.

 

This has actually made me more upset and I can't stop thinking about him. I think it is because I might be defending him in my head and know that he isn't the arrogant person that they keep saying that he is etc. I know the relationship wasn't great, but this has made me think about him constantly.

What should I do? I have gone on one date but I didn't really feel a connection. I am back on a dating site, so I am trying to get back out there.

 

Even though it was only short, this was also my longest relationship, because I haven't really felt such a connection to anyone before. I still feel like I love him, but I know that telling him now would be a mistake.

 

What do you recommend? I have gone nc, but I did text him briefly after about 2 weeks, and he text me again after another week, but nothing since then.

[smudge21]

If you're still hearing about him, then in a way, he's still a part of your life and you're not truly doing the no contact thing. Tell your friends you simply don't want to talk about him, ever. Any news about the ex, whether it be second hand or on social media, will always set you back or keep you hanging in that void. It also doesn't matter how long the relationship was or how long you've been broken up, we all fall in love, fall out of love and heal in different ways and times. Keep fighting as it does get easier, but it takes as long as it takes.

[Satu]

You might think you are doing NC, but you aren't.

 

In reality, you have one foot out of the relationship, and the other foot still in.

 

So you need to either reconcile, or completely end it, and go NC.

 

NC:

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

 

You are also not ready to date. It will bring you and the other person nothing but disappointment.

 

Make your mind up about what you really want to do, and then act on it decisively.

 

 

Take care.

[basil67]

Hmmm....sounds to me like you have a balanced view of him. He wasn't the guy for you, but you acknowledge that he wasn't all evil.

 

Your friends on the other hand are being back-stabbers. The way they talk about him behind his back is appalling - it's no surprise you feel bad for him. Do they say rude things about other people too?

 

Don't go back to him - the relationship would still be wrong. But I would tell your friends to get their knives out of his back..... or go find new friends.