My fiancé ended our engagement..

[Eyedaman91]

So I was with my fiancé for 4 years. We were engaged for a little over 1.5 years.. She was my first love and serious relationship. Our relationship started off long distance, and I made the move to be wth her. I left my job which I enjoyed and got into a new job near where she lived. I made the move to live with her a few months after we had gotten engaged. Immedietly when I moved to her area, I started to convince myself that we would be better off moving down south. We were living in New York. I pushed this issue so much and she was certain that she didn't want to move. She was happy living in New York, has a good job, good social network/friends, and her mom lives nearby. I pushed this issue so much that it turned into many nights of arguments about where we will end up settling down and living.

 

Long story short.. I took for granted living in New York. Instead of focusing on her and our relationship, I focused more on trying to convince her to move with me and she didn't want to go anywhere. I let this issue branch off and effect our communication, romance, and I let it pretty much make me a person in which I am not (unhappy). It finally got to the point where she said she can't keep going on like this and she wanted to end our relationship.

 

This hurt me so badly. I have since moved down south and of course I miss her a lot. I moved down south about 2.5 months ago. We haven't seen each other since. We used to have a great relationship. I regret many things. I know you can't live life with regrets. I learned that I don't even like living down south. I like living up north much better. But I also learned to appreciate things and not take anything for granted anymore and realize the grass isn't greener on the other side. When she broke it off with me, I agreed because I realize I needed to experience what it was like to live down south. I ended up purchasing her a nice gift card so she can get some furniture for the place we were living because I ended up taking the furniture because I brought it into the relationship. I didn't want to leave her without any and I wanted her to bee comfortable. Also, when she ended it, we were together about 2 weeks before I moved south. Those 2 weeks were amazing. We had great communication, we helped each other out with the transition, we spent time together, worked out together, and also cried together a lot. It was hard and sad for both of us.

 

The past month, we haven't spoken. The first month, I tried everything to get back together. I apologized sincerely, i owned up to my mistakes, I told her I'd be happy living in New York, and I told her how much I love her. She said I will always have a special place in her heart, but she was happy this way. I wrote a long email admitting my faults and telling her how I feel which didn't go very well, and I would send texts for small chat, but that just left me with false hope. I finally had to tell her I can't remain friends because in order for me to grieve and mourne this loss I need space. Also, remaining in contact was giving me false hope. I care about her so much. I wish her well. I hope she is happy. I let a great person who I love dearly get away from me.

 

Anyone with experience.. I want to text her at times. I think about her and miss her. I know I shouldn't though. I tried everything I could to reconcile. She didn't want to. Is it best to just keep no contact and if she wants to reach out to me, then just take it from there? I'd love to meet her for a drink sometime and ask her to do that. But then she might turn me down for that. Maybe she will reach out to me someday. But I can't wait around for it. I am moving on. I just hope she is happy no matter what. She is an amazing person and soul and she deserved the world.

[Satu]

*Permanent* No Contact, block, do your grieving and move on.

 

Take care.

[d0nnivain]

What do you want here?

 

If logistics were the only reason you broke up and you are willing to return to NY & live there without complaint, tell her that. Perhaps, you can reconcile.

 

Do not relocate to her unless you want to live in NY even if she's not in your life.

 

If there was more to it then you being a p.i.t.a. about relocating, NC is your best bet.

 

You cannot discuss any of this via text or e-mail. Phone at a minimum. Face to face preferably.

 

She is probably so far gone & so angry at you for everything that transpired that she will never be in a place where she can hear you.

 

That said, I think you have one play left (even though it probably won't work). Send her flowers with a card that says something along the lines of

 

I screwed up and I'

m

really sorry. I want to come home to NY and see if we can patch things up. I will never say another word about moving. I love you. Please call me. Love, Eyedaman91.

Again it's a huge long shot but what else do you have? If you try this by text, I'm telling you now, she won't do anything except get more pissed at you because it's such a casual method of communication.

[brothers343]

You pushed and pushed and in the end she didn't budge. Marriege is about working together through the rough times and if you guys couldn't work through this than maybe marriege is not for you just yet. Marriege is about working on issues that at times are unbearable, but you work through them. Some couples think there ready but many find out that they aren't. By that time, it will be to late.

[bathtub-row]

You were asking too much of her to give up her social network. If I were with a guy that pushed and pushed an issue, this would be a really big flag for me. This isn't an issue necessarily of normal compromise. You moved to where she lived and then wanted to turn the tables on her. And worse, you badgered her about it. She's now going to wonder about how many other things you're going to badger her about.

 

I'm sorry you lost someone you loved but you need to remember that you alone made that choice. I can only say that I hope you have learned that pushing an issue with someone reeks of controlling behavior. This trait will land you in break-up land or divorce court every time.